Losing sleep over the in-laws

Jennifer - posted on 08/31/2015 ( 1 mom has responded )




Where do I even begin?!

I guess first off, I'll start with our son. Whenever my MIL writes his name (which is not a common name), she puts it in quotations as if it's a nickname. It's not - it is his given name. First I thought she did it to everybody but I have been watching every time she writes any other name and no other name goes in quotations. Not mine, not my daughter's, not my husband's...only my son's. This drives me insane and I'd love to address it but am not quite sure how.

Then there's the fact that they've missed both his first birthday and his second birthday. I'm to the point I don't want to invite them for any other birthdays. They have a vacation home and make the time to go there every weekend but heaven forbid they make the time to come to my son's first or second birthday, which we hold on a weekend. They did get him a card each time but those cards were at least a week late. My husband's birthday cards arrive on time, every time. I am concerned my kids are going to feel deserted by them as they grow older and learn the grandparents only come around when it's convenient for them. The hurt they cause my children hurts me.

Oh, and let's not forget my son's allergies. Trips to their house are terrible. Our son has very sensitive skin and when we were there last summer, I asked the MIL to keep him away from the cats as we know animals cause the eczema to flare-up terrible (cracked, bleeding, etc) and no ointment will alleviate it. I stepped away and came back to find cats circling his legs where the eczema is the worst. When I told my husband about it, he mentioned it to her and she flat denied it, causing him to question what I saw and/or said. I know what I said. Then another time we were there, our son came up to us with an uncapped can of Raid. And she's constantly asking my son "when are you going to come spend some time at my house?" and "Tell your parents to bring you to my house more" I'm so thankful he's too young to understand she's attempting to drive a wedge between us and our kids. It's a health-hazard to take the kids to their place!

Last up is the most recent event which happened yesterday when we had to drop everything we had planned because they decided they were coming for a visit, regardless of if it worked for us. My sister is handicapped. Her handicap causes her to be overweight. She tries so hard to maintain control of her weight and always watches what she eats but her thyroid makes it impossible for her to stay at a healthy weight. She is the most loving and innocent person you could meet and my kids absolutely adore her. When we were getting ready to eat, my FIL asked my MIL, DH, and myself what we were going to eat and then followed up with "she (my sister) can fend for herself". Then, he grabbed a flattened hamburger bun and said "well, I guess I can eat the one she sat on" (my sister did not sit on anything, that was his way of insulting her for her weight). Luckily she wasn't there to hear it. Unfortunately, I'm not quick enough to come up with responses to comments that floor me so I said nothing. My husband also said nothing. Then there's the fact they both acted as if my sister wasn't even there their entire visit. And when I was out of the room at one point I heard the MIL comment "our local store just recently hired two of 'them'". I wish I'd heard the rest of the conversation. This one is, in my mind, the worst because 1) they insulted my sister and I didn't stand up to them and 2) who's to say they won't make discriminatory remarks about the handicapped to my kids when I'm not around. To me, that behavior would be unacceptable. I've considered calling them to let them know their behavior toward my sister offended me. But perhaps that isn't the correct approach. What would you do?

And the issues didn't just arise after we had kids. When we got engaged, we went to their vacation house to tell them. Within an hour, the MIL called my husband's sister and said "well, those two are getting married" in a very disappointed tone. Then the next day I came upstairs to find the MIL lecturing my DH about the impact marrying a non-Catholic will have on his status in the church. I fear she doesn't like me because I'm not a Catholic, won't convert, and won't force my children to be Catholic either (yet my husband continues to mislead them and let them believe we're taking them to Catholic church every Sunday and raising them Catholic).

I'm sorry if this post doesn't make the most sense - I was awake most of the night debating what to do and kicking myself for not saying something when it happened yesterday.


Dove - posted on 08/31/2015




What does your husband say about his family's behavior? 'I' would not have my children around them or have myself around them unless they could respect me and my family as well, but it is up to your husband to lay down some boundaries or go and visit them on his own time. I would not bring my children to their house w/ the cats and the unsecured poisons and if they were coming to MY house... the kids and I would be going out for the day until things changed.

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