losing your 23 year old son even after giving him the best medical treatment

Sheela - posted on 11/02/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )

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What can I say or write with this grief, despair, ache and tendency to stop living? 15th October 2013, I lost my son aged 23 years. Srihari my elder son who was my laughter, my shadow or should I say everything to me in my life. He was diagnosed with Miliary TB Meningities in November 2011. After an intensive treatment for one year, in November 2012, he was confirmed fine from the doctors. He was to go abroad for his studies to the US. In May 2013 he was operated on his ear for mastiodoctomy. He was fine at that time also but was not communicating with his friends much. He was a Engineering graduate. The only lack was he was not eating accordingly to his age and was not so active.
September 19th his speech became a bit slurred and he had headaches and from then it was only hospitals. All his brain studies were normal, name anything that is MRI, CT, Angio were normal. After 10 days a lumbar puncture was done which showed relapse of TB meningities with high protein CSF. Then after that it was retching and on 15th October he had a cardiac arrest, was on ventilator for 3 days and then he left me.
I feel so helpless, feel like raging, ranting crying screaming and I sometimes really dont know what is happening to me. Why my son a gem of a boy? Did I go wrong in giving him the treatment? Was the treatment ok or not? I want death to engulf me. But I have my young daughter to take care of. Someone help me , anyone help me to go through this

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Sheela - posted on 11/03/2013

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Thank you michelle for responding to me, your reply helped me a little to realize that u understand , thank you, help me God

Michelle - posted on 11/02/2013

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Find yourself a grief counselor. Yes you are allowed to grieve and you will miss him everyday for the rest of your life. I'm sure your son wouldn't want you to end your life because you've already said you have another child to look after.
Also think about what your daughter is going through as well. She's lost her brother and is also seeing you like you are.
Don't beat yourself up with how you helped him, you did everything you could. Sometimes it happens and there's nothing anyone can do to prevent it.

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