losing your mother and kids in the same week

Mary - posted on 03/01/2013 ( 8 moms have responded )

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i am a 39 y/o mother of two wife of 21 years .i am also a paramedic/firefighter.
Septermber 2 my mother came to visit me because my son was on his way to boot camp. She wanted to see him before he left for the rest of his life. that day she was leaving and decided she wanted to take my 21 y/o daughter back to Tennessee with her to see if maybe getting a job there might be easier.( 21 and she had never had a job besides dog watching) so that day her my step dad and my daughter left after dinner .Monday the next day my son 19/yo left at 4 pm to go to the recruitment station to start bootcamp. Later that week my hubby and i are eating pizza and watching tv ..when i got a phone call they are rushing my mother to the hospital they think she had a mild heart attack remember i am a paramedic and have seen my share of heart attacks and the outcomes. dead and alive. two hours later my brother calls says Mary they have done cpr on her 4 times . i knew that she was not coming back at that point no one usually does .. i got a call from the hospital a few min later she left a message in her twangy Tennessee voice that it wasnt looking good and thati needed to hurry up and get to the hospital i called her back well she thought i was miles away ..i live in st louis . so in my mind i thought its time to go. we rushed out of the door and an hour into my ride. they called my husband and i knew what was happening . .........there was silence. ........he took my hand .........and said....she's gone Mary. i felt like my heart stopped beating . this just couldn't be happening she was just here 4 days ago. there was nothing wrong with her. she is only 57 y/o .no way is this real. but it was. extremely real. So i lost my mom , my daughter to Tennessee and my son to the U.S.A. ARMY . and now i was all alone with my thoughts and my cats. now you have heard my story ....how do i deal with this without going totally insane. i need help please help.

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Mary - posted on 03/04/2013

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he did great. he went to Fort Benning Ga. we went there for the graduation it is a beautiful place. he wanted to see the world . i couldnt stop him so. the biggest thing in boot camp is passing the pt tests they have several and you must pass the last one or you will not graduate. During bootcamp if you dont pass them when tested you get a sort of write up but they go away after graduation anything after graduation stays on your record He is at Fort Lee Va. right now has about month left before Korea.

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Mary - posted on 03/04/2013

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she is a very um. private person she doesnt speak of her feelings. she was actually there when it happened in Tennessee. I am in St. Louis . i think shes okay but i never really know. she is living and working there and seems happy .

My son before boot camp for months went to the recruitment center everyday and some weekends and they would exercise with him to get him conditioned for the pt testing and the physical parts of the military it helped. im proud of him he will represent our Family and USA in Korea. im scared because he is also my baby . and he is the last Cripps with the bloodline so its scary . All of my husbands cousins on both sides of his family are i d not lie. adopted hes the only blood left to carry the name on all the others are girls

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/04/2013

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Thanks, Mary,

I'm trying to get mine to see that his life of studying and video games isn't really preparing him for the pt portion of training...but of course, I've never been IN the military, so what do I know, right? My dad finally set him down and gave him the "grunt" insight into boot, and the service in general...and that got him to looking more seriously into his options. He's still got military on the brain, but he's at least thinking it over for a minute.

Not that I don't want him to go...but, like you, he's my "baby", and I really don't want him IN those countries, in those situations!

Sorry, I didn't mean to hijack your thread! But do keep me posted on him, I'll keep him in my thoughts and prayers.

How's your daughter taking things?

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/04/2013

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Well, Korea is scary, yes, but I'd rather Korea than Afghanistan or Iraq at this point!

I'm glad that your stepdad did let him have something of his grandmother's at least...

Do you mind if I ask how he did at boot? I'm not ready to let my kid go either...

Mary - posted on 03/04/2013

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my step father would not allow anyone to have ,or possess anything that belonged to her my son did not get to go to the funeral he was in boot camp and they would not let him leave. so my step dad gave him something. my son is in ait. (advanced individual training ) which is after bootcamp. so he is done with bootcamp and almost done with ait. he will then be on his way to South Korea. Seoul. for a year. im having a really hard time with that because he will be stationed only 40 miles away from the DMZ (demilitarized zone) from North Korea. scary very scary .

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/04/2013

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Oh, Mary, you need hugs!

I'm so sorry for the loss of your mom, so suddenly at that. There are no words to convey the depth of my sympathy that won't sound trite.

The wonderful thing here is that you were able to see her, and talk to her before she passed. I've not had that opportunity for too many deaths in my life, so I"m always thankful when I'm able to spend time with family.

As far as your kids, I know it feels like they're lost and gone forever, but they're not. You'll start getting letters from Boot, and they will follow from wherever your son is posted. He's got a great opportunity ahead of him now. (yes, they're the recruiter's words...I'm in your boat there, honey, and my son is still weighing the decision whether or not to enlist) But, truly, the service will take care of your boy, and he'll always love and (hopefully) be happy to see and talk to momma!

And your daughter is only in TN. Now, not knowing where you are, that could be anything from a few minutes to a few hours away, but never more than a call or a text. It just seems so because of the suddenness of your mother's passing, and to be quite honest, I cannot blame you a bit for how you're feeling!

Reach out to others now. Reach out to your church family, your friends, and your hubby for the support that you'll need as you progress through the next year. Keep good memories of your mom, and allow yourself the bittersweet ones as well, because they are all memories of your mom.

Not to be pushy, and you don't have to share, but a question: are you helping in the disbursement of your mother's estate? The only reason I ask, is because I've found more closure in sorting through "things"...something about being able to have a good cry, maybe...

Mary - posted on 03/04/2013

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yes she had just turned 57 ....and my birthday is in september the month she died this was of 2012. so its not been long . i had my daughter at 18 my mom had me at 17

Onetraeh - posted on 03/04/2013

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Ohhh tht is so sad...& she was only 57?it must have been a shock & another observation I have is tht y'all must be young mothers in your family!if she was 57 & your daughter is 21 wow.well do u have any money to go away somewhere for a little while?idk about u but I like to go somewhere to have solitude & my favorite is maybe a bed & breakfast or a cottage definitely in the country;just something about having no phones (well u could bring your cell & just leave it in your bag) or no tv,rush hour traffic & city life tht is so peaceful & quieting for your mind.I'm canadian so if I was in a mood I'd have to wait a couple months until the snow melts but maybe the weather is good there?idk tht's wht I would do;also I don't think tht medications r good for anybody if you're feeling down & out.they just cause dependency & some might disagree but if you're feeling really bad I say go find yourself some jamaicans wherever you're @ & buy a joint;alllll your troubles will go away for a little while.of course don't do this if u r pregnant,breastfeeding or caring for a child but it sounds like you'd be in the clear;anyway tht's my professional advice lol...& just remember everything above ground is a good thing!may the lord bless u & keep u & may your mum r.i.p.

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