lost and alone!!!!

Candice - posted on 02/17/2015 ( 12 moms have responded )

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im a young mother 18~~
On a very very rough road.. my kids dad will say he loves me but i see nothing. Maybe when once a month We go out i feeel a good connection. When we go out i feel so insecure. I dont feel like i get attention. I had the worst past and every time we leave he goes crazy and the rudest person ever. He sais he will change and ive been waiting for three years...

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Jodi - posted on 02/17/2015

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If YOU leave, HIS life will go down badly? Isn't that his problem? You have to think of you and your child. You don't need another "child" to deal with. your latest post just threw a LOT of red flags up. You can't be in this relationship because if you aren't there he will go downhill. That is not a reason to be in a relationship with someone, child or no child. You deserve to be happy and not have him holding you back from that. Even more importantly. your child deserves happy parents, you included. You do not control HIS happiness, only he does. But you can control yours.

Jill - posted on 02/17/2015

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Is he the child's father? If he is, you can take a break but keep the door open. If not, then you may want to spend some time investing in yourself and getting your life organized the way you want it to be. Then you can work on finding someone who can meet you where you are at when you feel ready. Being single can be a gift if you handle it properly.

It is possible that he feels lost too and is waiting for you to take the leadership role in improving your relationship.

Jill - posted on 02/17/2015

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He won't change, at least not easily or anytime soon and you can't change him. In fact, any changes he makes probably would not be what you want or expect. The only person you can change is yourself and it may be time for you to start investing in yourself by learning some new skills and by standing up for yourself.

Joining this community is a great first step as I have found the women on this site to be intelligent and helpful.

Good for you for reaching out...

To move forward, a good first step may be to make three lists. First make a list of what you don't want in your life. Then make a second list of what you do want in your life. Third, try to come up with 3 ideas to get rid of the negative things and 3 ideas to get each of the positive things. I find that just writing things down can get it out of my head so that I can start to act on making the changes I want to make.

Good luck!

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Kim - posted on 02/19/2015

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WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR? OBVIOUSLY YOU WERE GOOD ENOUGH TO GO TO BED WITH AND END UP HAVING CHILDREN SO OBVIOUSLY YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH TO RAISE THEM. DON'T WAIT OR PUT YOUR LIFE ON HOLD FOR A MINUTE LONGER. YOUR NOT GOING TO BE SAVED BY THIS GUY. YOU NEED TO FIND YOUR OWN WAY. DO WHAT IS RIGHT FOR YOU AND THE KIDS. YOU DO HAVE THE STRENGTH FOR THAT. STOP LOOKING TO BLAME HIM. START LOOKING AT YOU. WHAT MADE YOU SO INSECURE TO BE WITH THIS TYPE OF MAN? WHAT DREW YOU TO HIM? LEARN AND LEAVE IT BEHIND. GROW FROM IT AND GIVE YOU AND YOUR KIDS THE BEST LIFE POSSIBLE. YOU CAN DO IT. TAKE HELP FROM ANYONE AND EVERYTHING YOU CAN. IT'S ALL A LEARNING, COMPASSIONATE, AND SELF INDULGING EXPERIENCE. THE RIGHT PEOPLE WILL PUT THEMSELVES THERE FOR YOU.

Victoria - posted on 02/18/2015

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I'm 16, and had a similar experience where he just always brought up the past, i blamed myself every time when it had nothing to do with him. Your past is just that, YOUR past. I got fed up with it and told him so. It hadn't been the first time i'd threatened to leave, but it was the first time I meant it, I just didn't care anymore. I told him that i wanted to be alone. I didn't want anyone else, i just wanted to be away from him because he was ruining me. I didn't deserve this nor did i want to put up with it and most importantly, this is not what i wanted my daughter to grow up thinking was okay. That this was "love". I said that I wasn't taking his daughter from him, he is her father and from personal experience, i know seperating the kid from their parents just ends badly if there is no real reason. I told him i was moving back with my dad and we could work out a schedule so he could always see her, etc. Made it plainly clear i was not taking her from him, had a place to go, and i was just done. Since then, everything's changed for the better, we're still together, but nothing is how it was not just because of him, but because IM through putting up with it. Thats the most important thing, YOU are not happy, YOU are the one getting the short end of the stick, and YOU are the only one that cares what happens to you, obviously. When you've had enough, you need to put your foot down and say I dont have to take this crap, I'm leaving because i deserve better. I deserve to be happy, and id be happier alone than with be with him.

Candice - posted on 02/18/2015

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If i seperate from him he will give me many problems and make me miserable dealing with court

Jill - posted on 02/18/2015

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Maybe you can find happiness in something related to the military. I am not a single mom, but I was raised by one and I understand the struggle, I watched it for 20 years.

I can tell you, as the child of a single mother, that your being happy and balanced is the most important thing to your child. There only needs to be one strong parent. Two is great if you can get it, but there only needs to be one.

And, I'll say it again. You can't make him happy. Only he can do that for himself.

Candice - posted on 02/18/2015

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Are you anu single moms... how do i get over him.. his mom gets so into it that she makes him look good in court.. im supposed to leave fpr army but they disqualified me for having a dependent... the only way i vould leave is if i get married.. my happiness belongs in military... and i wanna leave in june as said... but hes the only person id do that with .. but i cant be happy when im away but miserable with him..... 😢😢 thats my real point..

Candice - posted on 02/17/2015

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He is but the fact that if i leave his life will go down hill badly.. and if i leave i have the one person who wants to be with me and i can actually work things out with .. im just lost if i should keep up and deal with this see if he changes or just be happy already..

Candice - posted on 02/17/2015

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I had realized this last year... maybe its time to move on and do good for myself or am i wrong...

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