Lost but hopeful

Michelle - posted on 10/04/2016 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Susan Smith - posted on 04/21/2015 a long personal story with her struggles in motherhood. It really hit home. I delt with a mother in law just like someone n her story and my ex husband had custody some how and was not a decent man. He never came around left our 3 children with his mother. I never had the finances after 2 Attourneys to take him back to court and was bullied by the mother in law. Then gave up the fight for about 6 months , tried after that calling the house no answers and ended up being out of their lives for two yrs. I blame myself for giving up but I also blame her the mother in law n her ways of always controlling situations. Anytime later when I got and keep my self centered and doing what was right by keeping a good job and paying get support I threatened going back to court but she said she'd berry me. I too was older had bn 20 yrs and was still treated as that 19 yr old that made mistakes, though I redeemed myself for myself n my children and her son continued to do wrongs n have nothing to do with our children. Well now yrs later she was sick n 1 child a daughter was off to college and the two remaining daughter of 17 n son of 14 decided they no longer wished to care for their nana and wanted to live with me. We went to court, dad was in jail per usual and I was awarded custody. But HERE IS WHERE MY PROBLEM IS...... THEIR NANA HAS PASSED. I NEVER GOT TO BE THE MOTHER I COULD HAVE BEEN TO THESE CHILDREN THESE LAST 10 YRS BC OF HER. NOT BC OF ME OR MY ACTIONS BUT BC OF HER THREATS AND MIND GAMES. THEY LOVED HER AS THEIR MOTHER , WE'LL MY DAUGHTERS DID ATLEAST NOTHE SO MUCH MY SON. BUT THEY ARE HURTING I AM HURTING BC I CAN NOT FIX THEIR PAIN OF LOSING THEIR NANA. But it kills me to read on their social media about losing their mom and how much they loved her. When clearly I've done so much , so much more than their father and I was never allowed to be the mom they needed bc of her. And just to read their words it hurts soo much inside. I just don't know how to get passed it . Or what more I can do all these yrs to prove I'm a good mom , or to even be a mom in their eyes. It's just painful.

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P - posted on 10/09/2016

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I really do understand your pain because of a similar situation my daughter experienced with severe parental alienation of her children. However, the past is behind you now and in order to move forward with your children, you will have to allow them their memories as they are. They must be free to mourn the grandmother that raised them, and be allowed the freedom to speak about their feelings for her in your presence. If you don't allow them this, they will shut down parts of their lives around you, and that will build a wall between you. If they feel that you resent their grandmother, they will be defensive of her - especially now that she has passed away. Do your best to focus on a future with them and find a way to let go of the past. There is a verse in the Bible in Joel 2:25 that states "“I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten". It is my hope that this will happen for you and the children as you develop new relationships together.

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