Lost mom

Josiepie - posted on 02/25/2015 ( 12 moms have responded )

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My little guy is 7 and has had issues at school since Kindergarten. He becomes very explosive when it comes to doing an activity that is not preferred. This year in grade 2 he is expected to do a lot more writing work then he has in K and 1, well he is very defiant and resistant to any and or all the work that is being asked of him to do. His first term report card was all N/A because he didn't want to do any work and his teachers had nothing to write about besides his behaviour. About a month ago he was suspended from school because he threw a pen at his teacher, then the following week he threw an index card at a little girl because she took the computer he wanted. Well that was the final straw for the school and they had exhausted all their resources. They called me and advised me to come pick him up. Later that day the principal called us and advised me that he along with the teachers and school district can not have him attend the school any longer. The School district of learning called and let me know that they will look into an alternate school for him, a school where there is an alternative program and more support for him.

A week later she had called and advised me of a school that would work for him, however this school is 20min. from my home and I have a second child in Kindergarten. I advised that there is no way I would be able to get them both to school for 9am start time, to which she asked if I would put my 7 year old in a taxi and they would reimburse me (WHAT!!!!!) Obviously, I wasn't happy with this and she advised that we could work with his start and finish time. Why I am writing is because I am lost and don't know what to do.

There is 4 months left of school, do I send my son to a new school, with a new environment and kids and have him only go to school from 10 - 2pm or do I home school him. Come September they both will be going to a new school as I do not want to go back to that school. They have not been at all supportive, not once have they called or emailed or come up to me while I have been at the school to ask how my son or I and the family are doing with everything.

I have been hearing so many things from both sides and I am so confused, my doctor tells me not to home school but my gut is saying to homeschool. But am I doing him a dis-service by not sending him back to school, will he hate it come September am I making things worse. SO LOST!!!

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Ev - posted on 02/25/2015

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When you go to get help like this for your child, it does take time to get in and see someone. It can not happen over night. You have to go through the steps and so on. Its a long process. And each state or area has its rules to go by. Just hang in there.

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Jill - posted on 02/27/2015

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Hi Evelyn,

Sorry, I didn't realize you posted until just a minute ago. It didn't show up in my alerts.

EFT or Emotional Freedom Techniques is, in my opinion, the ultimate stress, anxiety, depression, anger management technique ever developed. A version of it began in the 60's and was adapted by Gary Craig in the 70's. He used it with Vietnam War vets who suffered from PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) and he had so much success with it that he began trying it on different applications - basically, every kind of emotional or stress related disturbance that it is possible to experience.

Nowadays millions of people are using it to manage everything that ails them. Gary Craig retired a few years ago and decided he wanted it to be available to the world for free, so that is what he did. He set it up so anyone can learn it for free. Recently he came out of retirement to work with his daughter who relaunched his original website. But you can still get the basic procedure for free from his site and there are videos all over YouTube as well as diagrams on Google images that show the procedure.

EFT is based on acupuncture and acupressure. It uses the same energy meridians, but instead of needles and massage, it uses a light tapping procedure. The tapping is blended with some phrases related to the problem being addressed. Basically, you say the carefully constructed phrases while doing the tapping on your own body (face, hands and upper body). You can also do this on children and it is called surrogate tapping, I believe. It takes less that 2 minutes to do one round of EFT,. as it's called. If you do 5-10 rounds (10-15 minutes) for a specific issue, you can greatly diminish the impact of the issue on your life.

Some people think of this as "Hocus Pocus" but the reality is that there is now a consider amount of medical evidence backing it up. For it to work, you don't have to believe it, you just have to suspend disbelief, just like we do with so many western medical techniques.

It works on so many things from emotions to illness to fears to you name it. For my own children and family, we have gotten rid of colds, flus and asthma attacks, fear and phobias, we have significantly reduced the impact of emotionally charged situations, etc. Anything related to the four fields of stress. In my opinion the best video to explain it is the one on Gary Craig's main website that I mentioned in my other post on this thread.

Cheers!

Jill - posted on 02/26/2015

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WOW! That is an incredible story!

You need to stand up to your son, but do it in the most gentle way.

Step 1: Teach yourself how to to do EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques). Your son has a very serious anger management problem and I have never found another solution for this problem. If you learn about and master this anger management technique, you will see what I mean. Check out www [dot] emofree [dot] com.

Step 2: Start giving him Bach Flower Remedies - www [dot] bachcentre [dot] com Find a professional who can mix an appropriate remedy for you. If you can't find a professional, start with Rescue Remedy, available online or at lots of health food stores. Use it daily, 3-4x per day.

Step 3: Teach EFT to your son and do it with him. Make it a game, make it fun. Even do the tapping on him if you have to. This way it is called surrogate tapping, I believe.

Step 4: Do EFT daily with your son, working through the anger issues and peeling them off layer by layer like Shrek and the onion.

Step 5: Tie his rewards to his willingness to do this anger management work. He gets to do something he likes in exchange for 10 minutes of EFT. He needs to learn to self-manage with this technique.

Step 6: After a few weeks or a month, re-introduce him to the school that is close to your house.

Good luck!

Ev - posted on 02/25/2015

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But just keep in mind if you are not sure that a diagnosis is right you can get another opinion on it. Also, if you are in the US and your son is found to have some diagnosis, the school HAS TO PROVIDE assistance and make available education to him and help to get him the things he needs. If he gets an IEP (individual education plan), they have to abide by that and make sure it is implemented. He might not need to to to an alternate school. Usually those are for kids with major discipline issues.

Josiepie - posted on 02/25/2015

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No they never did, I had to call the school board and get answers. All they wanted me to do was go get him diagnosed, so they could get extra funding. Unfortunately I can't snap my fingers and get him in to get assessed. There is over a 1 year waitlist, which is crazy to me

Ev - posted on 02/25/2015

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You need to do what is best for your child at the moment. It might be hard to send him to school with such short amount of time left in the year. Do they not bus the kids to that alternate school? If they do, that would be an option to your problem in getting both to school on time. Also, your son's school does not sound like they did their job in helping you to identify his issues and offer help in getting the needed placement, direction, and resources. Did they not offer things to help you get in touch with the right people for evaluations?

Josiepie - posted on 02/25/2015

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There is more to the behaviour definitely and he is in the process of being evaluated, we do have rules and consequences etc. As I mentioned this has been going on since Kinder so yes we have been going to Pediatricians and Psychologists, Behaviour therapist, Nutritionist and the list goes on and on.

I am lost with the sudden situation that I am having to face, my son is no longer allowed to attend his school. Do I home school or send him to another school with shorter hours, constant appointments to take him to causing him to loose more school time.

Ev - posted on 02/25/2015

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If he can do this at home he should be able to do this at school. I think maybe you should have him evaluated and see if there are underlying issues that may be at work here besides just being defiant just to rule out any issues. Sometimes we parents do not see all that is going on with our kids and think maybe its just them acting out when its a sign of something more that needs to be addressed and taken care of.

In his behavior at home, do you set rules and consequences and follow through with them and stay consistent?

Josiepie - posted on 02/25/2015

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He is a bit defiant at home but not as much as he is in school. I have been home schooling at the moment, when we do written output he complains at first makes a big deal but then does it. Being at school his teacher has 20 other children to work with, its a different situation in a classroom.

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