lost my mind

Amanda - posted on 10/22/2009 ( 26 moms have responded )

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Wondering if me leaving my husband is the right thing to do?? Well it’s like this we met in 2000 got married in 2003 & had a son is 2005. Now it’s 2009 and so much has changed. Where do I start we both have grown apart. Yes I do love him. Gotta quit playing these games too old for that.

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Polly Sue - posted on 10/24/2012

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I've been through some terrible time's with my own husband, those times never stop coming just because yo get divorced or not. I've been married to the same man for 37 years!. I've given brith to four of his childern, Two of those childern were taken away at very young age's. the other two..Are now grown and healthy. Life isn't perfect and neither are we. Being married to one man is hard enough,Let alone a secound husband. so yeah, Kid's will be confuse'd but they will get over it.My name is Polly anderson/Adams.

Polly - posted on 10/28/2009

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You love HIM and you are thinking about DIVORCE. Do you know what you are saying? Divorce is not that simple. Oh I am getting a divorce and life will be hunky dory!!!! NOOOOOTTTTTT. I have been there and just about everyday the DIVORCE pops up its evil little head. My children (7 of them) remind me in their daily lives how divorce effectes their life. No they don't talk about it, but you see it. They see me married to another man, on special occasions they have to decide whether to go to Dad's or Mom's. They had to decide who to live with and when they would go stay with the other parent.(if the other parent wanted them) They have a step father now and a stepbrother, and step sisters. They have to worry about hurting everyones feelings if they talk about the x. Life is confusing already, why do you want to add to it? What are you teaching your son? Oh, I just grew apart from your dad and I am going to take the easy way out. Taking the easy way out, isn't a good thing to teach him. Being divorced is not easy for you either. It haunts you a lot. Do you want to start the dating seen again? Do you know how many purverts, murderers, adulters, liars, con artist are out there? Sure they may look good or sound good, but are they? I left my husband of 20yrs. because he had at least 2 affairs. God sent me a wonderful man who I have been married to for 9 yrs. But, we have to deal with our divorces a lot. When we go to our childrens birthday parties, we have to see the x. You think that is comfortable? NOT! The children are confused and they also learn to play the parents. They find out who is doing what and then they decide to go to the parents house that is having the most fun. Life is tooo short don't screw it up.

Pray about this and read the bible. God will guide you through these troubled times. If you LOVE him, then show him and stay with him. Work out your problems and start showing your love toward him. Teach your son how to love his future wife by watching you. Go out, romance him, look for the things you like about him and enjoy him. Life gets easier when you are older and have someone to grow old with you. Don't give up. It will cost you a lot. God will bless you.

Ginger - posted on 10/28/2009

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My son,age 22, has just lost his best friend in an auto accident last night. The shock is overwhelming. They have been the closest of friends. There are no words to express the loss that his life will be to Michael. My sister said that sometimes the Lord takes the best ones early to be close with him. My son Michael and Arthur, were like peas and carrots. Arthur helped Michael through the darkest days of his life. He actually saved my son's life by his compassionate and understanding friendship. My son was homeless for at least a year. His life is an undisputed miracle. Michael had a brain injury and almost died . I have written about it before on circle of mom's. He took a product, referred to him by a gym and it was wicked. A supposed protein powder to mix in a drink. He used it for about a month. It heated his brain up to 107 degrees, according to those who research this. He has been recovering for about 2 years now. Arthur had a tumor removed from his brain about 4 years ago. He won that battle and now, so suddenly, he is taken away. The two of them were in business together also. They played music and enjoyed life so much as friends. Michael talked with him every day at least on the phone. Arthur and Michael were kinkred spirits. Artists. I was just in mourning , sitting quietly , in the living room remembering all the kindnesses of Arthur and the warmest, gentlest, loving spirit embraced my spirit. I had my eyes closed and I had radiating light and energy visions come into my mind. The peace that came over me brought the most loving feeling, words cannot explain the light and love and waves of energy on fire with orange colors and wavy patterns. Sort of like images of halos around the sun. My love for Arthur is immeasurable. This 22 year old man was a gift from God to all who knew him. Those of you who can, pray for my son, Michael. This loss is too , too, too, hard to accept. 3 other young men were in the car and all are hospitilized. Pray for them and their families. The circumstances are under investigation. I will see my son tonight. Pray for my wisdom and ability to support them all in this saddest of all life experience. If there is any of you out there with counciling expeience on grief. a book, a poem, a song, that will help my son ,please share. My son is an artist, he is a classical guitarist. He writes music and before his brain injury, he wanted to be a pastor. He writes beautiful music. Pray that he goes back to his music and the Lord. Pray that all involved with the deep loss of Arthur can survive and learn from this tradedy.Pray for peace and God's love to sustain us.

Peace and Joy, Ginger

Jacqueline - posted on 10/28/2009

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WEll all i can say that after 20 yrs marriage and 3 kids lol we have had our ups and downs, i love him and I can't stand him at time . men can be so immature and the least understanding creatures alive. But then so can women be, i know I can be. He is my friend and although he hates it when i have or need to talk to him, i still talk to him either in writting or my voice not always my inside voice either. We both have changed from when we first met ,but the core of who we are is still the same and laughing together makes us closer. Kids make the road bumpy too we dont always agree on parenting styles but we work thru it one way or the other and NO i dont always win. Last yr he lost his dad , a man who was not very involved in his childrens lives thru out their lives, but the lose of his dad devistated him and he lost alot of his identity . Made me worried that id never get the man back to even a grin. Our kids moved away emotionally from their Dad because his sadness and depression was so thick it would almost suffocate you. I couldnt take it any more and told him he needed to get help talk to a grief councilor or a priest JUST TALK!!!!! he took my advice, but he still finds it difficult cause his mom has removed his Dad from her home i dont know why the man worked so very hard to be successful, Altho i never saw eye to eye with my father in law i sure respected his ability to turn a penny into a dollar, but his personal skills were lacking. We all have a set of married ppl we gage ourselves on. I gage my marriage with my parents and both sets of my grandparents they have had so many up and downs , My fathers mom was sickly had parkinsons disease , but the only person she trusted to help her was he big strong man my grandpa took loving care of her teased her and loved every minute they had together for 50 yrs till she passed away. They stayed strong cause they spoke they didnt keep secrets and they laughed. my moms parents were together almost 50 yrs when my grandma suddenly passed they had 14 kids together and my grandma dealt with things with a smile a joke and off she went she found humour in my grandpas silliness even if no one else saw it . My parents have been married 42 yrs now these two oh lord love them , they raised us to communicate , now that we are gone they have just them . My dad loves the sports channel , mom adores the womens channel and records some of their shows when she is at work, well one day dad came home and changed the channel ooooooooooooooooo bad bad. and didnt record my moms shows so the next day my mom set the satilite to the womens channel and took both remotes with her lmaooo drove my dad nuts but he now doesnt pull those stunts he is very careful.
I guess what i am saying is we all play games it is the dangerous emotional games that we play that can damage. play tricks on one another get back to the way it was ask him out on a date and show up in a trech coat and a smile oooo that works. Marriage is work and I know it just isnt the woman job but it is up to us to start the job up cause most men are comfy in what they dont know.
Good luck love is work , but life is worth is and remeber smile and laugh, just laugh for no reason

Dalinda - posted on 10/28/2009

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Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so love the

people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't, and believe

that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it.

If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they

just promised it would be worth it.'



'Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. And enjoy your life.'

Cheryl - posted on 10/28/2009

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I agree 100% Christy's Lessons of my life. All are important. Look carefully at number 5. If you are ok your children will be ok. Remember children are little sponges, they feed from you both happiness and sadness. In divorce children are affected but as Christy stated they will make their decisions on their relationship with their other parent. For my children their father walked away and was never a part of their life again. He is the loser in that. Do what you need for you to be happy and love your child they will be ok no matter what

[deleted account]

OH my! My red hair has turned blonde/white/with a little red left over the years that I have lived asking myself your question. No one ever could have told me marriage was so much work! There are so many times that I can recall the reality that love has little to do with the path in marriage. Fundamentally, yes, I love my first husband even today, the father of my only child.
• 1st Lesson of my Heart - As my current husband has taught me, 'once loved, always loved'. It was clear to me when he had his 1st 2 heart attacks 14 yrs ago @ 43. We had been divorced 11 yrs @ that time, and I had been remarried for 3 yrs. I felt I might lose one of my closest friends, who had not been my ally much during our 10 yr marriage. My heart broke, once again. He's had another heart attack since then.

My daughter (now 28 yrs. married 4 yrs, expecting their 1st) was 3 yrs old when her dad left. She cried herself to sleep with his picture in her hand for 2 yrs. I wasn't ready for how hurt she was. During her life, he maintained his relationship with her and in her 14th year, she began to work that herself. She still has a phone call schedule with him weekly, and they are very close. He has lived out of state since she was about 5 yrs, so she refers to him as 'her telephone dad'. He is a good father, just wasn't a good husband for me. I received $ 25.00 a week child support until she was 18 yrs old.

• Lesson of my reality - When you have children together, the other parent rarely disappears from your life. You deal with this. Your child juggles this all of her days.

I remarried 17 yrs ago. We dated for 5 yrs first. So in love I was and still am! He is 19 yrs my senior and a wonderful man. My daughter refers to him as "her everyday dad".
He has been here since she was 6 yrs. He had 3 bio children at that time. They are slightly younger than myself, and they all took it upon themselves to help 'blend' both of us into a family. RARE! During the 1st 15 yrs of our marriage, his oldest daughter had
a vicious fight with breast cancer. She passed away 2 yrs ago. Did I have any idea how this would turn us both inside out and make it unbearable at times during the years? NO. She used to say to me, "You picked him!!"!

He and I have been in business together for 19 yrs - 24/7. We are crazy! Did I have any idea how this would turn us both inside out and make it unbearable at times during the years? NO. It still does! :) My mom says, "It was your choice!"!

• Lessons of my life -
1. Be confident in yourself. Set your life up to survive with your children and be a good parent. Do your homework before you change your life status. This takes so much work, if you are married or single.
2. Be cautious in what you ask (pray) for. It is probable that it will not come to you in the way you expect. KNOW yourself well enough, to take what comes, make something good out of everyday, and be like a cat! Land on your feet!!
3. Learn to pick your battles! Know the 3 phrases that can help resolve, whether it is your marriage, child, job, or simply yourself in the bathroom mirror: I forgive you, I love you, and I'm sorry. Even if you are by yourself!
4. Love with all of your heart. Don't let anyone take that from you!
Go back to your vows of marriage, why you married him, and do you still feel the same way? You will know what to do.
5. If you are OK, your children will be OK.
6. BE THOUGHTFUL, KIND AND GENTLE always, take care of your HEALTH, REMEMBER what's important.

Finally, please know that all I have shared is only slightly the work of marriage in my experience! I agree with so many of the postings of the above sharing souls. There is always life before and after crisis. It can be very good. Life is for the living, so make your children the best work of your life. Keep giving, though it feels the well is dry! Some relationships will never work out and weren't meant to be, so if you have to, forgive yourself. Mistakes can be corrected. When you take care of you and who you are, the sun begins to shine again. :)

Cheryl - posted on 10/27/2009

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I am 52 years old and in my second marriage. First one was for 13 years and second is so far 9 years. All I can offer is first try counseling. Make sure that you both understand the issues because you may be able to solve them. I think in every marriage people begin to pull apart, the spark disappears, we become comfortable in the way things are. That is when you have to search for what it was that drew you to the person. What is different now. What has changed. Make a list of the things that are different and what you liked then and what you like now as well as you dislikes. Then across from that list write down can it be changed and if so what would it take. Then look at yourself, what is different about you. Is there something your missing in your life, can you get it, how. What I'm trying to say is so often when we marry we forget who "WE" are. We forget to continue to decorate our own souls. We become the "MRS." and not "me". Find the me again. What did you do when you were dating. Find the spontanious and excitement again. It may be what you need and it may not. There is no simple answer and no one can answer it for you. All you can do is look into your life and find out whats wrong. Again, I believe in writing list and getting in in black and white then you will be able to see if it is saveable. Good luck and God Bless

Sherrie - posted on 10/27/2009

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go buy or rent movie fireproof it will change your views on marriage.i know it sounds funny but it will what have you got to lose...

Wendy - posted on 10/25/2009

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Forgive yourself for your mistakes and forgive him for his. Speak words of forgiveness and make a big deal of little nice and special acts. It will start the healing process.

Coralanne - posted on 10/25/2009

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Dear Amanda, Hi I am from Australia Perth WA, my heart went out to you when I read your story. Look I believe that the phase "The grass is not always greener on the other side" is so true. Have you heard of the 7 year itch, well it's true. You seem to be coming up to that and sometimes you think what the hell is this it! You Amanda this is it and it's what you put into it. Have time for you and your husband and go out or try to remember what drew you to your husband in the first place. I have been married for nearly 32 years and known my husband 36 years and we most certainly have had to work at it. I often wondered why marriages break up after 7, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30 years etc, I now believe it's that people grow apart and forgot what is important, and that's each other. When the kids leave home after they have grown up if you don't have something in common it all goes pair shaped. Please work at your marriage and get to where I am at the moment and that's, my hubby and I are good friends and enjoy each other. Stop playing games as you say, leave or stay but whatever make a decision. Be kind to yourself and all my love, CC xoxo

Patty - posted on 10/24/2009

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Agree, both ways are hard. I got divorced - based on the growing apart which resulted in arguing with ultimately resulted in domestic violence. Not a safe place. We're better off now - both my ex and I and he is working to fix those challenges. Point is though that divorce doesn't have to be costly if you can work together. I did all the paperwork myself in Colorado and just tried to be fair. Only costs were filing which was a couple hundred. Not saying just because it's cheap it's easy - wasn't. So try to work hard at it first if you think this person really is the right one for you. But don't be afraid to walk away if he's not.

Gayle - posted on 10/24/2009

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Only you can decide if it's the right thing to do. But, for your own peace of mind, do everything you can to save the marriage first. Otherwise you may regret it later. Often times after we have children we grow apart from our spouse. Children need a lot of attention (and so do men). We are natural care givers, and if we are not getting what we need from our spouse, we tend to take that energy elsewhere (children, work, home).
Have you examined within yourself what you need from him and talked to him about it? Ask him what he needs from you. Get yourself a plan and stick to it. We can get diet and exercise plans and follow them, but with our marriages they don't seem so important. We often blame the other and not see that we are at fault as well. Try talking to your minister, going to marriage concealing. Making a date night ... full of romance.
If he is unwilling to participate, it would be up to you to convince him. He may want you back too and not know how to tell you. Men compartmentalize their thoughts and are different creatures all together from women. And the say women are hard to understand! However, if he has been abusive in any way shape or form and has made no attempt to be better, then maybe you are better off without him.

Katrina - posted on 10/23/2009

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Give marriage counseling a try before you throw in the towel. It's helping us a lot.

Joanna - posted on 10/23/2009

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I think about this occasionally as well. I just tell myself to wait it out. communication is key, too. If you can't communicate, things won't work, period. If it's tough, go to counseling. But the main thing is - if you aren't happy, it won't work. If your son sees that you aren't happy, he won't be happy.

Pam - posted on 10/23/2009

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Everyone thinks about divorce, believe me, but it's a HUGE decision. Visit www.thewomenscenter.org for some great advice: click on the Education tab, then "Separation and Divorce." They have classes on separation & divorce that are really practical; maybe you can order materials if you don't live anywhere near, or maybe there's a similar organization near you.



Do you have enough money to get divorced? And even if you do, will your husband (or his family) be able to pay a lawyer to drag things out forever or engage in a custody battle or try to turn your child against you? Will he OK separation but not divorce so you can never remarry (one friend had to wait 8+ years)? Are you prepared to be single for a long time?



It's said you should have $10,000 saved to get divorced. My lawyer cost $4,000 for an easy divorce; the "pit bull" I had in reserve in case of problems cost $400/hour. Mediators are less combative and less expensive if you both agree on division of assets and custody, but make sure you get one who works with a lawyer or you wind up paying a mediator AND a lawyer.



In Virginia it's pretty cut and dried--if you make $X and he makes $Y, child support is $Z, taken from a table, divided percentage-wise according to income (so if you make $3,000 a year, and he makes $7,000 a year, that's $10,000, child support for that income is listed at $2,000, so you are responsible for 30%, he for 70%, so he pays you the difference), and visitation is joint unless you want to fight (and pay a lawyer) to get something different. Not sure what the laws are in your state, but be sure you know them before deciding anything.



Can you afford your own place plus all expenses or can you live with relatives until you can? The job market's not too great right now. Are you prepared to take sole responsibility for your child with no breaks? Chances are you won't have to do this, but you have to be ready to shoulder the whole load just in case, especially if he opts for every-other-weekend custody. Can you afford someone to do the tasks your hubby does now? If you get the house, can you afford the mortgage? Property taxes? Do you know what to do if a pipe bursts? The toilet breaks? Do you do the taxes, does he, or do you pay someone? Once you're on your own, you're on your own. Who gets to claim your son as a dependent if you divorce? If he won't pay support, do you know what to do?



Day care doesn't come cheap, but you may have a dependent care savings account at work where you can save $$ tax free, and you may get a tax break. If you both pay, you can both set aside $$ and take some off your taxes. Check with your employer/accountant.



Are you prepared to be the "tough" parent who enforces rules, while he gets to be the "fun" parent who lets junior watch endless TV, eat junk food and stay up until 3 a.m. (then return a cranky, tired, sick child to you)? Will you be able to give your son to his dad for the weekend when he's screaming and crying that he doesn't want to go, or deal with the reverse when he comes back to you? Can you deal if he (or his family) can afford to take them fun places (local or trips) and you can't?



Is your child young enough to not be bothered by a divorce (I don't think there is such a thing, actually)? How will you deal with school? Holidays? Birthdays? Religious ceremonies/traditions? Are you prepared to have a Christmas or other holiday w/o your child because he's with his dad's family this year? What about not seeing him dressed as a fireman for Halloween? What happens if Dad moves to another city or you do?



Will you be able to maintain a cordial, if not friendly, relationship with Daddy? With his side of the family? This is WAY important for when school, sports, and other activities begin. You need to be able to talk directly w. your ex; DO NOT communicate through your child. This is traumatic for the child and way unfair. Email is a good back-up. You'll need to coordinate what to do in both minor and major emergencies. If one parent takes him to the Emergency Room, will he/she call the other parent? Will you be able to sit together nicely at parent-teacher conferences and make joint decisions?



Think about telling your son you are getting divorced. It will be the worst moment of your life, I guarantee it. I will never forget the wail my daughter let out. Also, he may revert to toddler behavior for a while. Let him, but be sure he has someone to talk to who is not close family (counselor, favorite aunt or uncle, pastor, rabbi or whatever), because there WILL be issues for your son. My son had a best friend who'd been through divorce, my daughter had a neighbor to talk to, and both had their godparents and grandparents to talk to, but we still paid for counseling.



Try marriage counseling first. It took me 20 years of trying to make the marriage work before I finally gave up. I'm poor, but I have my sanity, and my kids are amazing, partly because we both put the kids first, always. At 20 & 17 years (they were in elementary and jr. hi at the time), they're still sad about the divorce, though. I made sure they wouldn't have any other changes that year (same school, same scout troops, church, same schedules). A counselor can help you find better ways of dealing with life, and can help you grow back together. You might even wind up with a stronger marriage. Good luck, this is not an easy thing. Anyone who says divorce is too easy has never been through one.

Shelbi - posted on 10/23/2009

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I just think that It's funny when poeple say... He/she has changed so much? Or Thier just not the man I married. Who wants to be married to a kid for the rest of thier life? I would hope that after 10 years of marriage that things have changed.



I find it helpful to write things down. make a list...as difficult as it may be of what you love/like in him...what you love/liked in him before...and whats the major issues pulling you away or making you grow apart?



Alot changes from dating to marriage and sometimes it's hard... really hard to see the good in what we have. Evaluating the lists and then stepping back and looking at yourself, (making a list of yourself and the changes you've gone through for good or bad...) you can usuallly put things in persepctive. You've both changed!! And why not? You ought too!! your now a mature woman, a mother a wife and probley a million more things that you weren't before, and the same with him.

Think back to the beginning and together try and work on those things: Date each other!, Put your marriage before your child for a time!(they will likely never know :) ), Tell him you love him, or what you like about him, and make changes in yourself to be the best you can & Pray for help.



A wise person once told me somthing regarding marriage and I apply it often : "Even if only one person in the relationship is changing, it's still changing!" So start today and make changes for the better!



(I have 3 kids, 7 years of marriage and a few headaches along the way!! Good Luck!)

Joy - posted on 10/23/2009

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I recently went through a divorce after 19 years of marraige. I wanted it but it doesnt make it any easier. whether you stay in the marraige and work on it or divorce and try to move on and find happiness either way its gonna be hard. we tried counceling through the years but we were so young when we got married and we both changed from who we were then. I have a 15 yr boy and a 12 yr girl and they are great kids especially through all of this.

Marcy - posted on 10/23/2009

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We have a blended family and were caught unprepared. Life just throws things at you and you need to flex. I think an obstacle for new couples is disillusionment. We go into marriage with theses romantic expectations and real life is much different. It is long hours at work, a messy house and endless running if you have children and sometimes hubby isn't very helpful. It is important to carve out romantic time for yourselves even if it seems wrong at first to have to schedule it. Good luck.

Kim - posted on 10/23/2009

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Wow you have been together such a short amout of time, I agree with most of the posts up here, you and your husband really need to have a a mutual meeting of the minds so to speak, each of you come together and talk openly and with respect to each other about EVERYTHING that is going on, I can safely say there might be feelings hurt, and tears shed, but the outcome will be more clear as to both of your futures whether it be together or seperate.
(a little background about me- (since you shared yours) met hubby in Aug of of 92, got pregnant in 92, married in April of 93...first child born in 93, second child born in 96, and third born in 01, now in 09 we are still together and it has NOT been the magical movie life, but we work at it everyday, and some days are harder than others but if you truly love each other then you need to be truthful and comunicate with each other and listen to each other.)
I wish you and your spouse the best.

[deleted account]

What games are you playing? Look, marriage is hard. I can't believe I wanted it so much, and I tell my daughter that it's not a solution to anything - it's a whole different set of problems. It's so tough to stay together, because you do change and grow, often in different directions. You fall in and out of love a lot over the course of the years, and so often you just hate one another. That's typical. If you're not arguing about something, chances are you're not speaking your mind enough!
If you love him, and he loves you, than it's a great place to be. Life goes in cycles, and so does a marriage. You could just be in a downturn, and it's tough to see the end of the tunnel when you're there. You could get some counseling through your community centre, or church (even if it's not one you go to), and he doesn't have to go with you if it's not his thing. maybe you just need to talk to someone professional who can give you some perspective. And please do talk openly with your husband. It sounds pretty bad now, so how can telling him what you're feeling make it any worse? The truth may be painful - you may even split up in the end because of it - but who want s to live a lie?

[deleted account]

What about just taking some time out and then discussing the situation once you have both had some time to think about it - if the relationship is not savable then you can make the separation permanent but you may both also discover that you both need things to change in similar ways and want to try and make things work again? Just a suggestion but there is no good that comesoutof staying in an unhappy relatioship merely for the child. THEY dont deserve to live in an unhappy environment :) Good Luck

Laurie - posted on 10/22/2009

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This probably sounds a little too simple, but I look at it like this. Marriage is about love and commitment. Commitment is what keeps you together and working on your relationship during the periods when you forget that you're in love.

Isobel - posted on 10/22/2009

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growing apart sucks...but divorce sucks worse. If there is any way to work it out, I highly recommend it. Good luck!

Jodi - posted on 10/22/2009

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Amanda, everyone's marriages have time where the couple grow apart. Sometimes, you find your way back together, sometimes you don't.



What you need to do is remember why you came together, married and had a child in the first place, and see if there is a way to recapture this. Please try some couples counselling before making a decision. It is important that you both give this marriage every opportunity to work, and this should include some counselling to help you both work things out. If counselling doesn't help, and you can't resolve your issues, then fine, you can decided to go your separate ways, but your child deserves for you both to make every effort you can.

Sharon - posted on 10/22/2009

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Playing games sucks. Takes to much time & attention and its not real. Growing apart happens in marriages, relationships, time to grow back together .... resentment sucks too.

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