lost my son at 14 months

Cindy - posted on 06/08/2011 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I lost my son a 1 & 1/2 months ago, he was 14months old. I got to experience his 1st year and then some. He had a cold that lasted for about a week and the pediatrician said it was an upper respiratory infection and sent us home with some nasal spray and he said he would be better in 3-4 days, well he didn't get better and the day I was going to bring him back the drs office was closed so we went to the er cause he now had a fever that wasn't going down. They diagnosed him with 2 ear infections and gave him antibiotics and we were sent home. Later that night he was fine he went to sleep then all the sudden he didn't want to sleep anymore he was sweating and very weak (saddest moment of my life). We decided to bring him back to the hospital were they admitted him and he wouldn't stop crying, so i held him and held him but still he wouldn't stop crying. His fever finally went away but then he started having seizures and after that I never heard him crying again they put him on an oxygen tube because he was having a hard time breathing, after that everything started to fail, they later told me that his brain was swelling and that's why he wasn't responding to us they decided to give him some medicine and he started to squeeze my hand I thought in my head "YES it's working" but in some weird way I believe that was him just saying goodbye to us. I still have yet to get back any autopsy report so we still don't know what happened. I guess my question is does the feeling ever go away, I miss him so much! How do you feel when you have another child?

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Valerie - posted on 06/10/2011

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i am so sory for your loss...how tragic...i can truthfully say you never forget and you do learn to move on...i think that knowing more would help and you have a right...i also think a support group is important and or personal therapy as this is a huge loss...the best thing that i have found others have done was found some meaning in the loss and acting on that...in this case there may be some malpractice that you should consider even though it will be hard as you are grieving...another child will not replace the child you lost so if you have another let it be your love for children and a readiness to go forward with your family...i wish you and your husband all the best

Heather - posted on 06/09/2011

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I can't even imagine your pain. I feel like giving you a big hug. I know people who have lost children and I know life goes on and things get easier eventually but you will always have moments where the grief will come back. I was at my grandmother's funeral and my aunt was standing by a nearby headstone crying in my uncle's arms. I looked at the headstone and realized it was the baby they had lost almost thirty years before so there will be times you will cry all over again. I hope what I said helps even just a little bit.

Louise - posted on 06/09/2011

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Cindy I have no words of comfort, all I can say is the pain of losing your son will be with you always but you will learn to cope with it and manage your grief to the point of being able to carry on day to day.

i understand your anxiety of having another baby and the best way around that is to speak to a midwife to help you manage those fears. The autopsy will give you some answers as to why this dreadful thing happened and if it was something in his genes which I very much doubt. From there you can decide whether you want to try for another baby. Make a memory box for your son so you can look back on it in years to come and get comfort from photographs. Your new child will want to know all about their big brother to in time. Find a councilor for you and your partner to go to because grief affects people in different ways and needs to be talked through.

For now take each day as it comes and if you need to break down and cry do so, keeping feelings bottled up does not help. In time you will begin to heal and the pain will subside. Big hug sent x

Haley - posted on 06/09/2011

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no i havent lost a child but my firnd is going through the same thing and i learned all of that from her and plus my grandma is 63 and she lost a child and she even told me the feeling never goes away it only gets easier to handle

Cindy - posted on 06/09/2011

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Haley- Did you loose a child? before this thing happened with our nicholas we were ready to have another one but we wanted to get married and make it official first, we've been together for 8yrs but we kept putting it off because of the baby and we wanted him to be a part of the wedding. So now were getting married in October this year and we are going to start trying. I'm just scared, i guess of loosing my next baby, I can't help but have that thought.
Jakki- Thank you so much. I did see a councillor, but it didn't help me it almost made me sadder. lucky for me, i have a very strong relationship with my financee and we understand where each one of us is coming from.. We also have a lot of support with family and friends so we are very lucky.

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Oh my God Cindy, don't know what to say, but my heart is crying in sympathy for you.

Can you see a counsellor or someone to help with the grieving and healing process?

Haley - posted on 06/08/2011

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The feeling will never go away especially the anger, it will get easier but it wont go away. It is someting you need to take one day at a time. Having another child shouldnt be whether its going to make you feel better or not because you lost your son, it should be because you want more children. Everything will be okay and i cant imagine how you feel but i hope your okay.

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