Lost my Sparkle!

Dawn - posted on 06/09/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

4

0

0

Hi, I am a stay at home mother of 3 kids. 9, 7 and 3. I was once a bank manager and about a year ago my husband took on a new career that required more hours and Frequent travel. His new salary covered my manager salary and something had to give so daycare wasn't raising our kids. So I quit. I like to say I retired! At 35. I know what you are all thinking. Wow! Lucky girl. Everyone envies my situation. But why don't I feel so lucky. Its been over a year and I'm feeling so depressed. I cannot cope with my husband going away anymore. I flip out on him everytime. Which is an overnight trip weekly or bi-weekly. He says he is so tired of us fighting. We barely fought until he took on this job and I had no job. I volunteer. I meet with friends. I have close family. But yet I still feel very lonely. Everyone says to get out and go for a walk. But then I don't see my husband that I really truly love and love being with. I'm dreading summer with the 2 kids home full time. Even their giggles and laughter lately seem to irritate me. Please give me some insight! Should I see a therapist to help me cope with his travel? With anything? I'm at a loss.

3 Comments

View replies by

Dawn - posted on 06/10/2013

4

0

0

Thank you. We do have regular date nights. And we never struggle for conversation. We have a great sex life even. We have traveled with him on occassion. Yet it is hard to find someone to watch 3 kids overnight. My inlaws max is one night and my mom lives too far away to get them to school. Maybe I'm just being a big baby and should be happy for what I have. I might try a therapist just to see. Not sure if I'm being fair to him when he really doesn't have a choice. But its difficult and overwhelming to be responsible for the whole family and household lately.

[deleted account]

My situation is very similar to yours. I stopped working about 4 years ago when my husband got a promotion. I was a business owner--actually, I owned 3 businesses at the time, but employees mostly took care of 2 of them, so I was only actively managing one, but it was still a full time job. The money and free time the promotion grants us is great, but the job is very demanding at times, and of course, that means frequent travel.

I do see a therapist. I have a few other issues I'm working through as well, and I like the outlet of speaking to someone who can listen objectively and is legally prohibited from divulging my secrets.

We only have one child, so we are often able to travel with my husband when he goes to more interesting places. We have to foot the bill for our own airfare and meals and such, but his company doesn't mind paying for the bigger hotel suites because they know how great he is and want to keep him around.

As Evangelyna mentioned, I do sometimes go with him for shorter trips without our son. I am very lucky to have parents who love to watch him for a few days at a time.
We also have weekly date nights during which we leave our son with a sitter. I know this seems like a small thing, but they are VERY important to us--you'd be amazed how much difference a single date can make over the next week, not to mention looking forward to the next date. I will say this though--avoid the dinner then a movie date. The dinner is almost always awkward, we struggle for something to discuss or end up in an argument. Instead, go for a performance THEN dinner. We can discuss the performance over dinner and the conversation usually flows organically into issues important to us, or current to our lives at the time. Sometimes we do a "Day Date" where we'll pack a picnic and spend time hiking.

We also do dates with our child. I told him when he took this job that he needed to make sure that he has two days EVERY WEEK free for family time (that includes our dates, but does not include us tagging along for business trips). A few hours together as a family can make you feel more relaxed for a whole week or so, and when it becomes a regular occurrence, the stress will melt away. My favorite outings are parks and similar places where we can play with our son, but we can also sit on the sidelines and admire him or talk amongst ourselves while he plays.

Evangelyna - posted on 06/09/2013

99

0

9

Is it possible for a family member to watch the kids and you go with him? My dad is a retired police officer but because he did background checks and was in personnel and training towards the end of his career he had to go to different classes and business trips, he would just take my mom with him. Actually, now that I think about it my parents went on a lot of trips alone together that weren't business related lol
Anyway, point being, I know a lot of married people take their spouses on business trips with them, see if that's a possibility. Maybe it'll cut down the resentment. Or maybe consider going back to work when the 3 year old is in school? Sorry if this isn't very helpful, that's all I've got. Oh! another idea! Why not just have a date night with your husband? Kind of goes along with going with him on the business trip but if that's not possible for whatever reason just go out with him just the two of you. You clearly need time together just you and him. :)

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms