Loving my "almost" stepchildren but not liking them.

Brandy - posted on 07/05/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I started dating my now boyfriend when we were 13. We stopped dating at 17. We both went our different ways and married other people. I now have a 9 yr old with my ex and he has a 2 yr old and a 3 yr old with his ex. We have a 6 month old together. Obviously we are back together. I have an issue with his ex. As a matter of fact, I HATE her. I think that has started to reflect on her kids for me. I don't want to feel this way towards them but I do. I don't even like watching them for even a half hour cuz I just don't like them. It makes me feel awful. But it's how I feel. What can I do? And it doesn't help that they are just terrors. I'm not kidding. They are mean to my 6 month old which
immediantly puts me on the defense I realize that it's me that makes them do it but it doesn't stop it. And it's not just that. Just help me with this. I really do love them, I just don't like them.

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Michelle - posted on 07/05/2012

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First of all they are 2 & 3 year old kids this age are naturally little monsters this is the age where they are learning empathy and other social skills that us as parents need to teach them. Sit down with dad come up with a parenting plan for when the kids are with you and stick to it. My 3 year old put a belt around the cats neck yesterday cause she was going to take it for a walk, needless to say time outs were involved and we discussed how it could have really hurt the kitty. I highly doubt that they are deliberately trying to hurt the baby I think they are more then likely trying to get your attention and this is how they have figured out they get it. They can feel your animosity towards them and this is not condusive to good relationship. Next time they come over start fresh have a plan of action schedule your day so that there will be no room for bad behavior because they will be to busy having fun,. I am not saying you have to go and spend lots of money on them they are little, a typical day for my little monster is breakfast, quiet playtime about 30 mins while we finish watching the news then we are outside if it is nice for the rest of the day in there she also goes to swimming lessons right now and last year went to preschool, a trip to the local park or the library also are good activities.

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Brandy - posted on 07/05/2012

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You're right and I know all that. I try to do things that are conductive for their age. I really just have a hard time with it though. I try talking myself out of the irk that I have towards them but I just can't seem to. I know they are young and totally unaware of why I'm always distant from them. It's not fair to them and I know that. It doesn't help that their dad tends to ignore our child together when they are around. Like we took them to the park to watch fireworks the other day and as we were going through our pictures he said "I don't have any of Ayvlin." I said "you typically don't when they are around." I don't point it out often but it's the truth. I do get that he doesn't see them as much but I don't think he should completely focus on them the way he does. I guess I'm jealous.

Louise - posted on 07/05/2012

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They are very young, you are going to have to rise above this and make an effort to win them around. They are probably being pushed by mum to misbehave and give you trouble. See them as her pawns! What you have to do is win them over so that they do behave and do what you say rather than act out. Organise fun activities for them to do. Like a teddy bear picnin in the park. Go over the top and spoil them rotten. They will love coming to you and hate going home! Two can play at this! You really need to mellow out because these kids did not ask to be caught in the backlash of their parents divorce. Obviously you have to have order in your house and if the kids are nasty to your child it needs sorting. Try and get dad to do it, it will come better from him.

Remember these kids are going to be in your life forever so make them good friends and not enemies. Smile, a little effort now will pay off in the future.

Brandy - posted on 07/05/2012

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It's not just that I don't like her. I don't want to do her any favors. I don't want to do anything for her. She's a bad bad bad person.

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