lying stepmom and angry dad

Sniper - posted on 06/18/2011 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I have an 8 year old that HATES going to her dad she has been telling me for almost 2 yrs. Being she is so young I was not sure if she was playing "both" sides.We were married 14 years divorced when daughter was 1 1/2. He is ALWAYS right so long as I do what he wants and gives in to his demands all is good. Her stepmom (i cound not further from jelous of) I am happy and married for five years. Her step mom interfers with EVERYTHING in all our business down to which school she should attend and who her teacher will be. She lies all the time they manipulate our girl and then say it is me. I have voice mails from them cussing me and threating to kill me which my daughter heard because they were yelling so loud. The step mom called me the "C" word and wanders why my daughter wants nothing to do with her. The dad flips over tables holds tables over his current wife and threatens to kill her IN FRONT OF OUR DAUGHTER. I am going for sole custody of daughter due to the extreme fighting over there and cussing using the "f" world every other word like everyday slang. My daughter goes into hyperventalation when she has to go to her dads that is not normal? right? Yes I know I am the mom but im real nervouse about court and dont need people telling me like in other threads I have read "you must be insecure" was not directed toward me however I would like some mature imput on this. How can I trust her dad and stepmom when she is crying to point of hyperventalation? Also cops have been to my home due to them and then they lie to their family about me TOTAL LIES! So, everyone of his sisters and the step moms family (which i could give two cents what they think of me they never met me) all cuss me talk bad about me in front of my 8 year old daughter. No matter how mad I get I NEVER speak ill of any of them. I have all physical proof to back up everything I have stated. They have nothing because I dont bother any of them. The stepmom drills my daughter all the time! We have had 50/50 custody up to this point but so much has changed in 7 years. Does this make me a bad person? I dont care about support or "winning" it is about safty and stability of daughter. She is NOT happy there. They act like perfect family in front of others but it is behind closed doors I KNOW I LIVED IT 14 YEARS I AM NOT JELOUS OR WANT TO BE IN HER STEPMOM'S SHOES. I have a real gentlemen for a husband and is very good to my girl. I have a lot of mixed emotions as you can tell from this I guess....loll...... I do not want to keep her from her father but if you only knew the entire story. One of his sisters called me a "incubator" but she is such a CHRISTIAN AND GOES TO CHURCH SUCH AS HE STEPMOMS FAMILY. I am a christian as well I go to church but not every week but we have bible study here at home and in a group. Am I doing wrong for trying to insure her safty? What if the next table he flips over hits our daughter by mistake? Sorry so long.

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Sniper - posted on 06/18/2011

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Thank you Tamara.....I am really stresses as I can tell by other threads I have read so far there are many of us. lol...I just truly want what is best for her. Oh and def.......agree on the theripst being a party not partial for me nor him that is why I will NOT go into her office with her. I feel if Im in there she may not be able to fully express herself and she needs that outlet.......I could not agree with you more. I dont know what they talk about and I wont ask because I feel it gives her freedom and independence and that is okay for her to have feelings and her own thoughts. I really enjoy talking to you.......this is a really good website so far. I dont know much about this website first time here but so far so good I am sure there will be some on here that should not be. I would not want to hurt anyone on purpose physically or with my words. I try to be kind and help who I can. You are right I also should not stress so much because when you think about it God already has made up his mind what is going to happen. It is all pre-written so being I am trying my hardest to do what is right (not always easy) I should not worry. I just wish they made a darn flip worry switch.....lol....I just dont want to lose my girl I'd truly rather die then to lose or be without her. She is so wonderful,smart, funny, bright, I could go on all day. She is everything.......I do tell her God 1st even if comes down to love between her and I. I always explain how and why she needs to Love God BEFORE mom and put hime BEFORE mom. That makes me feel good. Well, I truly hope you and your family have a great day....I really enjoyed talking to you. If I can figure this out maybe we can speak again?

Tamara - posted on 06/18/2011

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Youre welcome. What i ment was that someone not in the family someone who can talk your daughter and get things from her abut how she is feeling, if its you he can say your putting words in her mouth and stuff. so someone neutral is a good idea. Because you are involved in the case I know not with him :)

It does amaze me how courts do that, well there are no bruises no big deal, But if the real parents were fist fighting infront of the kids they would take them. I don't understand the way somethings are handled.

just take it one day at a time, pray and put it in Gods Hands. He will guide you to what needs to be done and open those doors.

Sniper - posted on 06/18/2011

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Thank you for response. She has been seeing a theripist for few months now I do not go in with her in the room that way she can say what she wants. With the comment good documentation for someone not involved ( I mean I dont get in their business or speak about them that is why I also make sure I dont name any names and made up my own on here) of course I am involved as far as my daughter I mean (not with them directly) I dont even step on their property nor them mine. By law I have to send her unless there is "PHYSICAL" abuse blows my mind that MENTAL abuse does not count so that is why the court deal I tried to talk with him personaly in a calm nice manner and him well not so much. Of course when my daughter came to me with what is going on and crying and hyperventalating I am going to start keeping records of EVERYTHING. What mom would not you know? I am not saying I am PERFECT by ANY means but she is far more stable here. Thank you Tamara for responding. Have a great day....Thanks again.

Tamara - posted on 06/18/2011

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Your first job as a parent is to keep them safe, from the sounds of it she isn't. Her fear is enough to make me not want to send her. I would go in with the voice mails, and perhaps the mediator will want to talk to your daughter about things. Perhaps having her see a theripist to help her work through this, it may seem like with you she has things together but this way she has a safe outlet for her feelings, also good documentation from someone not involved in the situation.

Good Luck

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