Made a mistake with my 21 yr. old

[deleted account] ( 4 moms have responded )

My 21 yr.old son lives at home and has had only 1 parttime job.He has been on several interviews and,last week,finally got a job at a warehouse(12 hr,shifts)He's not used to manual labour(even tho he does chores at home)He worked 2 days then quit-says he hated it.Now that I had time to think about it,I should have told him if he did'nt give it more of a chance,that I would take away his computer and XBox.My problem is,I am too empathetic,when he talked to me about the job and how much he hated it-he almost cried.
What do I do now?

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Jodi - posted on 02/13/2014

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I'm sorry, but taking away an xBox and computer is the type of punishment you give a child. It teaches NOTHING about real life consequences to a 21 year old who is clearly being enabled by his mother. You are still treating him like he is 12!!!

I agree 100% with Shawnn - If he is living at home, he needs to be a contributor to the household and an active member of the real world, which INCLUDES paying rent, and holding down a job. If you don't start putting your foot down, you will soon have a 40 year old who is still living at home and is totally unemployable.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/13/2014

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Nasty, nope! Blunt. To the point. You asked what you should do. You were told. Quit treating him like a child.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/13/2014

13,264

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2015

He's 21?!?!?
Living at home? Paying rent, I hope, and contributing his share to the house?
Attending school?

He needs to either be in school, learning a trade, or working and paying you rent, and saving to move the heck out. Because to be quite honest, he's not a child any more, and mommy taking his gaming systems because he won't hold a job is friggin ridiculous.

Lay down some rules. Start with: If you're living at home, you're paying me rent.

My son graduated HS, got himself a job (had never 'worked' for an actual employer, just volunteer, and our business that we run), within 1 month of hiring on, turned it into a full time job, paid me room/board prior to moving out, is now on his own, was just admitted to college, still pulling a 40+ work week, and moving forward. I did not have to take his gaming away to get him to that point, I just had a conversation with the boy during his senior year about what expectations and plans were for after HS. We worked out a contract, he lived up to his end, I lived up to mine.

There's really no good excuse for a 21 year old to be living at home with his parents, and momma still using his gaming unit as leverage. That is just ludicrous.

Now, you give him a set amount of time to get his feet under him (60 days), and then he can either pay you rent, or move out and grow up.

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