Mafia Son in the making

Emma - posted on 06/11/2014 ( 12 moms have responded )

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My son was a lovely boy growing up, very caring and loving, always wanting to include his older sister but she constantly rejected him, he was loud in his approach (had glue ear) so most probably spoke louder than others, heavy handed (dyspraxia, late diagnosis) I have ADHD and I see his behaviour is also very hyperactive. He acts like he is invinsible and is driven by money, will tread on anyone to get it and drugs. The tv programmes he choses to watch are all mafia related. He constatnly takes drugs, says it's marujana but I know its heavier than that. I'm sure he is on cocaine, he did Miao Miao (excuse my ignorance in spelling) and is totally unpredicatable. I have thrown him out a few times and his father has taken him in and this is constantly happening, I throw, dad takes in and visa versa. He is 23 years old this year and I can't see an end to it. He is in and out of work, manipulative in his way of speaking and can be charming when he wants something. I know deep inside that the only way to help him is to take a leap of faith and give him a final ultimatum, give up the habit, or get out. Because he is currently working, I fear him losing his job and he doesn't have money for his own place due to his habit and in and out of work situation. He is making 4 lives miserable (mine, his dad's, his sisters and his own). He has only been back in my home for 3 nights and is already breaking all the rules and I'm not sleeping through stress. I'm concerned I will lost my high pressured job too and its so hard although I know that I should kick him out. HELP!!!

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Jennifer - posted on 06/13/2014

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Make a list of things you want to say to him, sit him down and say them. Tell him you love him, but you're afraid of what he's doing to himself. Tell him that you want the best for him, but refuse to be a doormat to his needs. Tell him he's hurting and disappointing you and that you're not going to settle for his unacceptable behavior anymore. Finally, tell him no one lives for free.
Then lay down the law- If you don't quit, you are out. If you live here, you pay or you are out. If you are disrespectful, you are out. This is not about love, you clearly love him. This is about self-respect and preservation. You would never settle for his behavior from a stranger, why would you accept it from your son?
He may run to his father, but remind him that he has no place in your home to run back to because you respect yourself too much.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/12/2014

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I would definitely make his dad take responsibility for the person that he's enabled...

Emma - posted on 06/12/2014

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also, I've just gone to my cable tv account and since he's been back he has recorded the following programmes:

Extreme Drug Smuggling
Inside the American Mob
Sons of Guns

Bloody scary if you ask me!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/12/2014

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Well, then, honey, the adult son really should be living with his dad, since he's the one wanting to enable!

I thought you were still with his dad, and his dad was letting him back into your home!

Call your ex, tell him to come get the uncooperative adult he's enabled, and take your life back!!! You can do it, I know you can!

Emma - posted on 06/12/2014

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lol, I agree totally, I kicked his dad to the kerb over 10 years ago!!!!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/12/2014

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You must not live in the US. In the US, if an adult living in your home has been told to leave, and it's been documented, you can have them evicted.

It sounds to me as if you've resigned yourself to the situation and lost the will to continue to fight. Were my husband as unsupportive of me as yours is of you, I'd kick HIM to the curb as well. He and his druggie son could live together in perfect harmony, with dad being the enabler, and sonny going down the drain.

I wish you luck

Emma - posted on 06/12/2014

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I appreciate your post, but I am an estate agent and unless my son has a AST agreement then I can evict him in the way you say and the police wont get involved in civil matters. It unfortunately has to get to the point of him being violent or breaking things in my property for the police to take an interest.

Sad as it may seem I'm stuck.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/12/2014

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Serve him with an eviction notice, and when he doesn't comply call the law on him.

He 'hasn't done anything wrong' except continue to force his way into your home after you've told him he's not welcome. In my area, that's trespassing, regardless of familial relationship. If he's been told to leave, and he will not, he's trespassing and needs to be prosecuted.

And if dad wants to support him, then dad can darn well do so without letting him back into your home. Stand your ground.

Emma - posted on 06/12/2014

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Easier said that done. I've kicked him out twice but then his dad takes him back in so the story goes on....

I gave him benefit of the doubt and let him back in a few days ago but its no good whilst he's taking drugs. Hard to put someone out of your house, he won't go voluntarily, he hasn't committed a crime that I can call police apart from drug taking which is away from home thank god.

Do I just pack up his stuff and put it outside the door of my flat? He is extremely stubborn and believe me if 2 undesirable men who felt sorry for me when I was living abroad and he was only 14 at the time threatened him and screamed at him army style for two hours didn't break him what chance do I have??? help!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/12/2014

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Quit enabling your adult son.

No more money given, no more room and board for free. If he can't pay you rent, he can get out and find his own apartment. Do not sign as his cosigner on a lease of any sort, do not accept ANY responsibility for him at this time. DO NOT allow him back into your home until he's under contract with you to pay his share and contribute to the home.

He's made his choices, now, like the adult he is, he can face up to the consequences.

Jodi - posted on 06/12/2014

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Why do you keep taking him in? You are enabling him. You can't control what his dad does, but you can control what you decide to do. He's 23. Time for him to take some responsibility for his own life - it isn't your problem if he loses his job. It's his. If you know that you should kick him out, what is stopping you? Just do it.

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