Brianna - posted on 09/16/2016 ( 10 moms have responded )
Hi, everyone! First day here. Just wanted some advice, & not from friends who will most likely take my side.
My son is about to be 3 in a couple of weeks. He has not seen his father since December of 2015. Almost a year now. Before then, I was forcing their relationship; calling to ask him if he wanted to see him, having my son call him to talk; etc. Once I stopped doing that, the contact between the two got less & less frequent.
My child's father used to abuse me; emotionally, physically, mentally, & sexually. I want to say that i know he would never hurt his children, but he has 3 others, & I have seen how he disciplines them; not to mention I do not trust him with my son, whatsoever (Mom feeling). The last time my son saw his father, he only had him for 2 hours for me to get a haircut, & i had to have my sister pick him up because he complained the hair appointment was taking too long & he had things to do. He saw him once or twice, then would go months without seeing him. He has brushed him off, ditched him, ignored calls, lied about having plans not to see him; lied about his job so I haven't gotten support since November 2015. He was dealing drugs out of the home my son was visiting when he would see him, which was the reason I stopped contact. He had no job for over 6 months, only asked for my son twice, both of which he was already asleep, but he demanded to see him & that I was making that hard for him. He would harass me with threats, so I changed my number & blocked him on any social media. He knows where we live & also all of my family's phone numbers, but hasn't contacted anyone or come by. He didn't show up to the parenting class we were both ordered by the court to take.
BUT my son still asks about him; but he doesn't call him daddy, he calls him Tony (his name). He calls him sassy, but still asks where he is. I never talk bad about him. I usually just say he is working or sleeping or something.
Most people are on my side about not letting him see him, for his own safety & mental & emotional health. Most of the time I feel I am in the right as well because that little boy is my everything, & I canNOT leave my son with someone that I don't feel will be stable & safe for him. But I also don't want him to resent me or be mad at me in the future. But his father is just not making an effort, not support financially or any other way, not to mention he supposedly has a new job for a few months now, but I am still seeing no child support. I don't NEED the money, but he SHOULD be paying for a child he helped create.
Anyway; Am I wrong? Do I keep them from having contact, for my son's safety right not? (By the way; I WOULD let them see each other if my child's father grows up & gets/keeps a job, does his share, & becomes a stable & safe & reliable adult for my child to be around.) Or do I force them to have contact?
Also, I want to mention, I would NEVER use my feelings toward my ex as a reason to not let them have contact. I have since let go of all of that (Or you could say working through it in counseling) & it has never & would never play a part in their relationship. & I have been seeing this man for a year now & we just moved in together recently, & my son loves him. Even calls him daddy sometimes. This man treats my child like his own; teaches him things & pays for half of his daycare with me, plays with him & takes him to the park, talks with him to understand things; he even checks on him in the middle of the night sometimes. :)