Man oh man...

[deleted account] ( 21 moms have responded )

I'm currently preg. I feel as if I have no support ... the father of my child cheated on me had sex with his ex. He just put the rest of my clothes on my front porch basically that's letting me know he's done and wants nothing to do with me or the baby, he doesn't text back or anything... I want to know if I should let him be in my childs life if he tries when he/she is born ? I'm doing everything on my own its hard but I know God will help me find a way, Should I even put his name on the BC? I'm so stressed out no nasty comments pls.

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Ev - posted on 12/13/2015

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Just type into your search bar Women's Shelter and your city and state and it should pull some up for you. I know that you are scared. I know you do not want this life either. But you have more than yourself to think about right now. First things is to get safe. Second thing is to do what you need to to stay safe. Third, get counseling and Women's shelters can do that for you so you can get the kind you need. Fourth, get away from where he lives. Fifth, I do implore you to explore the turning him in to the cops for hurting you. As said earlier, he made the wrong choices on his own and its not your place to protect him from paying the dues for those choices. He hurt you. He could have hurt your unborn child too. I want to see you happy and your child safe as well.

Ev - posted on 12/13/2015

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"IF I was to call the cops he's already on probation and he would get locked away for a long time I didn't have it in my heart to do that to report the father of my child even though he hurt me"--I quoted this because frankly this is not a good enough reason to not call the cops on him. HE chose to do the things he did and that is why HE is on probation for them. AND if it is against his probation and he hurts you, that is his fault and his worry not yours. Father or not of your child, if any man hits you or hurts you physically like that he should be turned over to the cops. Abuse and assault is not something you want in a relationship ever. It does not mean he loves you. And as for his claims he will change, he is just filling your head with what you want to hear. You need to get out of that situation and go to a local women's shelter where they can counsel you and get you help. One day he is going to beat you senseless or worse and there might not be much you can do at that point. You could also loose your child in the process. Do you want that?
As for whether he is involved or not is not the issue but that he does get the chance to have that on the table. If he chooses not to be involved that is on him but at the same time he is responsible for the welfare and needs of the child like you are.
Go get some help somewhere and the best place is the women's shelter. This man is a danger to you at this point. Do not stay with him because he is the father of the child. Do this because you are giving yourself and the baby a chance to live and survive.

Ev - posted on 12/13/2015

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Child support is the obligation of the parent that does not have the child as often as the other. Its to help with any and all things the child needs. If you do not need it then you could put it away for college or other schooling in the future. And you do not get to chose if he has rights or not to his child. He has a right to parent as you do. You need to take it to court and get it figured out so you both know what you are expected to do and the child has relationships with you both. He can file for himself to have custody or visitation depending on what he decides to do. If you are worried about his drug use or drinking or whatever it is, then have proof he is a danger to the child. Otherwise its he said she said and the judge does not go on what you say is going on...the judge needs proof of it first.

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[deleted account]

Thanks for your support, I'll look into a woman's shelter now and like I said I'm not reporting him bye now I'm deactivating my account.

Ev - posted on 12/13/2015

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You never mentioned in the original posting that he had certain types of connections via his family and through his own means. That is beside the point. No man is worth this kind of living. You definitely need the women's shelter. Or you need to leave the town you are in. This is definitely not good for you or the baby. I hate to think about the next time he "hurts" you because I am afraid it might be the last time or you will loose your child. I know what it is like to have a BF that is abusive to a point. My father stepped in before it was too late. He was telling me what to wear, he wanted to know my every move, and thank the good Lord we did not have cell phones then or he would have called me all the time to make sure I was not talking to some guy, he did not believe me when I talked about my first cousins and other things. Even if your guy is into other things beyond being abusive, he made those choices and he has to pay for those at some time in his life but do not put yourself and that baby in the way or you will get hurt without turning him in worse than you were last night.

[deleted account]

@Evelyn do you know of any Woman Shelters in Sacramento I can reach out to? I'm very sorry if I'm stubborn I just feel so sad.

Ev - posted on 12/13/2015

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1) Women's shelters are there to help women who are in the situation your are in regardless if you have the apartment, house or whatever you are living in. They help you get counseling and other services so you can get away from the jerk that is hurting you. You do not seem to understand this. Also if it is advised, you might be better off moving out so he can not come find you again and hurt you.
2) You need to also think about making that paper trail so that when you go to court for custody, visitation and child support you can prove he is a danger to at least you if not your child also.
3) I am telling you this so you can help yourself out.

Or do you not want help?

[deleted account]

So you want me to go live in a woman's shelter surrounded by strangers to get away from a man that is not even living with me ?

Dove - posted on 12/13/2015

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If you do not call the police and report it... then there is no paper trail to help you out in court that he is violent. If you call the police and he goes to jail... that's his own darn fault for making stupid life choices. YOUR stupid life choice was procreating w/ this guy... and now your child will pay for it for the rest of his/her life.

Get yourself away from this man... file charges ANY time he is violent... and if you choose not to do that... get yourself a good lawyer when the child is born because w/out solid evidence that he is a danger (which the police reports will help prove)... he is entitled to 50/50 custody when that baby is born.

If you want to protect your child... protect yourself and do the right thing. Do NOT be a punching bag for this loser.

[deleted account]

Plus what child support is he going to give me he doesn't even have a job?! So why would I want to make his life more miserable All I want is for my my child to be safe.

[deleted account]

@Evelyn honestly didn't call the cops because
IF I was to call the cops he's already on probation and he would get locked away for a long time I didn't have it in my heart to do that to report the father of my child even though he hurt me and I'm not saying I don't want him to see his kid I would love for my kid to know him I grew up without a father my whole life I'm just saying if HE "the father" doesn't want to be involved I don't have the right to force him to be in our kids life .. *signs

Sarah - posted on 12/13/2015

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When he shows up at your door demanding to see his child, by law you have to let me. that is why Evelyn is telling you to get it settled in court. If you don't want the child support, then file anyway and put it away for your child's education or down payment on a house some day. Don't let your ego get it the way of benefits your child is rightfully entitled to receive.

Ev - posted on 12/13/2015

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Why do you not call the cops on him when he does this? Then you would have proof he is a danger to at least you and you could get a restraining order against him for the time being. But that does not mean that when the child comes he would not be allowed to have time be it supervised or not to see his child too.

[deleted account]

@Evelyn I have pictures he gave me a busted lip last night and keeps telling me to get a abortion when he knows its too late for all that

[deleted account]

I don't want child support from him all I want is for him to lay off drugs and change like he promised for him to be a better man for his child wether he's with me or not I don't care I care about that All I care is for the well being of my child and not having my kid around negativity or drugs.

Sarah - posted on 12/13/2015

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" I want to know if I should let him be in my childs life if he tries when he/she is born "
This is not up to you. Name him on the BC and file for child support, if he wants to help actively parent, then her is entitled to do so.

Ev - posted on 12/13/2015

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1) He has a right to know his child and his child has a right to know him. When baby is born put him on the Birth Certificate so that your child can get all the benefits due to him or her from their father.
2) Take him to court to set custody, child support, and visitation. Do not wait to do it for years and years as it will only make matters worse and harder to deal with.

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