marriage

Jennifermalone25 - posted on 12/24/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I have been with my husband for 4 yrs, but been married 6 months. I am no longer really attracted to my husband. He's a triple addict (heroin, crack, and weed). Now I'm in recovery (almost 2 yrs clean). He was in recovery even we got married, he relapsed soon after our wedding. Now I kinda feel like I'm wasting my time hoping he will change. He hustles all day so we can survive, but there's things in this marriage that it seems like he ignores. Like my feelings on some things, my needs. We no longer have sex, I've made advances, but he pushes me away. We don't go on dates anymore. I beg him to buy me some flowers and he still don't. We can't even celebrate Christmas because he damn near used up everything. I'm starting to feel like I'm going crazy. Like he does not see that things are not right. We i try to talk to him about it, he tells me that he's a grown man and can do what he wants. I try to tell him that I'm not comfortable anymore and he tells me to deal with it. Now the only train that I'm staying is because I take my vows seriously. I feel like I'm the only one who cares anymore. Please help me understand what I can do

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Ariana - posted on 12/24/2013

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You may need to tell him that he needs to go to a rehab center or you will have to leave, and be willing to leave if he doesn't. I'm guessing a lot of these issues are based on his addiction. If he didn't have these addictions maybe he would be able to meet your other needs.

They have meetings for those who deal with people with addictions that you can join if possible.

You could attempt councelling together, or on your own to help you figure out what's right for you to do in this specific situation.

But for your sake I would get out of the situation. It is also very dangerous for you, since you are also a recovering addict, to be in this environment.

The other issues can be worked out, you can do things to change that, you can get councelling together or start up dates again or anything, but the drugs are the real issue. If he's on those drugs there is no way you'll be able to change the relationship. They are his mistress and you can either sit there and take it or get out.

I would give him a chance at least, tell him that you want him in a rehab center or you want him to stop or you will not stay in this relationship, and if he continues leave. You cannot live in this situation and there is nothing you can do to stop him, only he can help himself here.

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