Marriage advice!

Kimberly - posted on 01/13/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Where do I start? My husband and I have been married for almost 6 years, together 10. He was my first true love. We have a 3 year old wonderful little boy. He is everything to me. I am a stay at home mom. That's one problem. He thinks I have the easiest job in the world. He makes me feel as though I don't contribute enough. He's a good father, when he spends time with our son. Another thing is I have to ask him if he can watch our little guy while I go to the store, most of the time the answer is no, he doesn't have time. But he can go out with his friends & do whatever & not tell me he is going anywhere until 5 minutes before he leaves. He seems to have all these freedoms, while I'm at home with our son. Our sex life is pretty much non existent. It feels as though we are room mates who happen to have a child together. I just need some advice. Maybe it's all me. Maybe I'm just in a rut. I suggested counseling, but he thinks I''m joking! Any advice would be great!

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Sarah - posted on 01/17/2012

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You need to sit down together, with no distractions and tell him how you feel. My hubby and I have been going through the same thing since we had children (my eldest is 3) and one day sat down and talked about our feelings, we both felt very similar! We've been doing something we call "couple's time." Basically on the nights he's home (he works weekday evenings) after the kids go to bed, we sit, play a boardgame, or card game, have coffee, tea, whatever. But NO tv, no music, no radio, no sex (during this time because it's supposed to be about talking). Just some quality time together to relax, reconnect, talk, joke, etc. Sometimes it takes an hour, sometimes three. I was feeling that our time together to relax was often watching a movie or tv and felt that it was impeding our connection with each other. I have found this has been hugely helpful in our relationship.

Stephanie - posted on 01/15/2012

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Book a mommy away weekend and let him run the house for a couple of days. Remember, staying at home is more difficult than going to work. You are doing a wonderful thing staying at home with your son. Try and schedule a date night once a month. You need time as a couple. Marriage is hard when there are little ones in the house. Try to make your relationship with your husband intentional. It takes work. Good luck!

Groovy Girl - posted on 01/14/2012

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Just cause your a SAHM does not mean he does not have parent your boy while you go to the store. The going out with friends thing should go both ways and yeah he needs to give you a little more than five minutes notice. Only you know your husband, but if you can i would be getting him to give you a little more respect as far as that goes. Good Luck!

Katherine - posted on 01/13/2012

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I don't even know where to begin........

First of all being a SAHM IS a JOB, and it's 24/7. My ex used to make me feel the same way. That I wasn't contributing, that I had it easy. Until I left him alone with the kids one night.....HA! THEN he understood. He started doing it more often too, so that I could have some me time.



As for the marriage counseling, if he thinks it's a joke then go on your own. At least one person can get some help. Or ask him to go once and see how he likes it, and tell him you are DEAD serious.



The telling you he's going out 5 minutes before he goes is unacceptable. I would tell him that he needs to let you know a day in advance. At the very least. Actually say, "it would be much easier if...."

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