marriage problems, again!!

Kat - posted on 06/06/2015 ( 8 moms have responded )

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hi everyone im new here obviously and I found myself searching google "why do me and my husband always fight" and I found this site, this could be a long story but I will try to keep it short. my husband and I have been together for 6 years we got married at 19 and have two little girls, my husband is a farmer so we works long hours and is often tired, crabby, grumpy ect. lately the last 4 months have been hell for me I don't know what to do anymore I am crying all the time, we are fighting more than we are talking, I feel unappreciated, unloved and forgotten about, what I need to hear from him he never says, it will take a huge fight of screaming and yelling and getting to the point of divorce before he will listen to me and then we are good for about a week and then it happens all over again, I am a very emotional person and I get upset easily as soon as we fight I think everything is over and start planning to move out and he just dosent care anymore he says you always wanna leave your always unhappy. I think about leaving all the time but im too scared to leave and I don't wanna be alone and I do love him so much but I don't know if I only love the thought of him as what is in my head he is just not that person anymore I feel like I have to talk myself into staying everyday and I remind myself of the good times and everything he has done for me. is this normal for a marriage is it all me like he says?? please help me I don't know what to do anymore. thanks

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Kat - posted on 06/07/2015

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thankyou, we had a calm discussion last night after the kids went to bed and we agreed to once a week we would sit down at the table with a milo or hot drink and just have 15-20 of uninterrupted time just to talk to each other and get anything off our chest that we needed to or just to discuss how our week has been. im hoping that this will help our situation.

Michelle - posted on 06/07/2015

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I have given you advice and all you do is come up with excuses.
You need to decide what to do, no here can tell you.
If you are truly unhappy then you will find a way to either fix it or move on.

Kat - posted on 06/06/2015

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seeing as I have the kids fulltime I asked him if he could stay at his mums for a few days and give me some time alone to think, but he wont even do that? nothing I say to him sinks in and he thinks that I always threaten to leave but I never will, the thing is if I do leave I have nowhere to go so I would actually have to find a rental and move all of my stuff leave my animals ect so I don't want to have to do all that just to get him to realise that I am serious. I love him a lot that's the very hard part of course and the good times we have are great but they are getting further apart and not lasting long at all a couple of days at the maximum and then we are fighting again. I am always trying to fix things and make things better but he just does nothing to help the situation he just ignores me. I am so confused and very scared that my marriage may be over and that's the last thing I want as I said I do love him very much.

Michelle - posted on 06/06/2015

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You 2 really need to sit down and have a calm conversation. You each need to say what you want and expect from your marriage. You both have to be honest about it otherwise it's a pointless exercise.
On the other hand, my 1st marriage was like that. He didn't want to know my side and wouldn't talk at all. He also refused a counsellor until it was too late (I had already left).
There came a day where I realized that it wasn't a happy marriage and I deserved better.
A marriage is a partnership and if both people aren't on the same page it's very hard. You also have to think about yourself. If he's not willing to work at it then you need to look at leaving and finding your own happiness.
I found I had to be single and being selfish before the right man came along. I had decided to give up on finding Mr Right and focus on my children and then he came along. I was single for 5 years though and it was a great time for me to find out about me.

Kat - posted on 06/06/2015

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the main thing we fight about is his work, as I said he is a farmer so he works very long hours sometimes we fight mainly because me and the kids don't see him and because when we do see him he is always tired and grumpy. if I have a problem or am upset about something he just says "i don't have time for this" or I have suggested councelling before but he will not do anything that I suggest and just says "if your not happy you know where the door is". he does not make any attempt to correct what I am upset about or make any attempt to even make me happy he just says he has more important things to do like work and that the work has to be done and he dosent have time for my shit. thanks

Michelle - posted on 06/06/2015

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No it's not a what a marriage should be. There's no such thing as a "normal" marriage though. What works for 1 couple doesn't for the next.
Have you discussed marriage counselling? it could help if an outsider gave him tips on how to keep your marriage happy. It really does depend on what you are fighting about and what the reasons on both sides are.
My husband (my 2nd) and I don't fight. We will have discussions but have never had a fight in the 7 years we have been together. We respect each other but the main reason is we have a partnership.

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