Michael - posted on 07/14/2016 ( 3 moms have responded )
Okay, so my wife and I have been married since 2013, and been together since 2010.
When we first got together it was... hot. But then we ended up having to have a long distance relationship and we split up for about a month. This is about 6 months into the relationship.
We get back together and get a place together. She was a little overweight and my shallow ass lost sex drive. She found out about it and went on a hating self rampage until she lost 50 lbs. During that time I sorted out in myself my own problem and made amends.
A year later she loses sex drive. And mine is back in full. Time goes on and I find out that it's connected with my having lost a sex drive and there was some resentment. I then make more amends and double my efforts to "be a good man".
She tells me she's happy with the amends and all is well, except the sex drive isn't back, but I'm a patient man.
Weeks turn into months, turns into a year. We have sex maybe once every 3 months. We argue about a bit on and off.
I love this woman. She's great. Everything about her is awesome. Before her I was more into women for hte physical affection, but I love her personality, her heart, etc.
After talking with her and getting the idea that there might be some concern that I'm still shallow or she is still holding resentment and that I am not willing to commit to the relationship... I take a step back and think about my life a bit. And I realize I want to spend the rest of my life with her, kids and all.
In 2012 I propose, she says yes. A year later married. Still sexless. We kind of have sex on our wedding night, but honestly we were too drunk. It was a great party.
During our honeymoon, a cruise for 7 days, we don't have sex at all...
During these years I've tried tons of things, flowers, homemade dinners, massages, vacations. Finally in early 2015 we start having sex because she wants children. After about 3 months, sex about 2x a week she gets pregnant. We have a beautiful daughter 9 months later (no sex during pregnancy - for some reason that just didn't jive with me and she wasn't interested anyway).
My daughter is now 9 1/2 months old. And we've had sex 2 1/2 times. The first time was terrible, like she was just super limp and non contributive. I could tell she hated it. The 2nd time was just as bad except she kept speaking about her eyebrows and the business. It was like out of a bad movie, we decided to not continue. (I couldn't)
The 3rd time was slightly better.
She has done her research on her hormones and what not. When we first got together we told each other what we really needed and wanted from each other. On my "list" she mentioned that there was a lot of sex needs. lol. (Yes, and actual list).
She knows it's one of the things that I really need. I'm a very simple man. I don't really ask for anything. I always comply when she asks for something - when I remember too ;P
We've had serious fights about this over the years. In the last 4 years we have had sex maybe 10 times, minus one stint where she was trying to get pregnant.
The only time she's willing to have sex is to have another kid. And I don't know if that's what I want.
I'm physically 10x more affectionate than her. It's like she simply forgets about it, forgets the affection. And suddenly she'll remember it for about 5 minutes and then gone again.
I've been incredibly patient and caring. I work two jobs to help take care of the house.
We've talked about her going and actually getting her hormones checked, or a nutritionist, but she just never does it. Before the baby she admitted she didn't have any excuses, now we have a baby and my daughter has become her excuse.
She has told me that she understands and will work on it and she'll make it up to me... and for a little while she did blowies once a week, but that was only 3 weeks and that was months ago.
I'm torn. I love my wife, and my daughter. I've never cheated. I'm 99% sure she hasn't.