Marrying Young

Stephanie - posted on 12/07/2009 ( 73 moms have responded )

728

3

64

I am writing a longer news article for one of my college courses (to be published on our class website) My topic is marrying young. I would consider that anything under about 25yrs old. Do any of you have any good or bad experiences concerning getting married young? Opinions? I'm 22 but won't be married until next July.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

MIRIAM - posted on 12/10/2009

12

9

0

I was 19 when I married my ex. He was 18. Hindsight tells me this...It is not neccessarily the physical age that makes the difference, but the maturity of the two people. Had I known then what I know now I would still be married. Any couple that goes into a marriage with full understanding of commitment will survive what life throws at them. When I say commitment, I mean to the marriage. No matter how much you love someone they will inevitably do something that angers or hurts us. If we are committed to the marriage, we will get through the anger or hurt. If our commitment lies with the other person, we have a tendency to throw the commitment out the window when things get rough. That is when people start looking at self instead of the union. "I don't deserve this," or "I don't have to put up with this" are comments that come out. It is in the tough times that a couple should fight for the marriage and not with each other.

I could go on and on about this. I am happy to see so many young people who are married and loving it. Stay strong in your marriage. As the old vows say, "Marriage is not something to be entered into lightly."

JuLeah - posted on 03/05/2011

3,133

38

694

Well, keep in mind, I don't get why anyone would marry ever, but young? I know many who have, but they both grew and changed so much. By their mid 30's they had nothing in common. I knew others who have stayed together, but one stopped growing, or spent every minute of the day in an effort to be what he/she was not. They were not/ are not happy.

Marnie - posted on 03/05/2011

42

18

6

i was married at 17 and I cant say that it was a good experience. We married because our parents thought it was a good idea seeing as we were expecting a baby. I waited a year after the baby was born. I guess being so young I thought marriage would settle the guy down and make him love me and his daughter more but it just made him resent us. Im a now 38 and was divorced from him when i was 35 and I am now married to a wonderful guy♥ but it makes it hard for my daughter who has special needs. She dosnt understand why things went the way they did. All i can say is I feel that its in everyones best interest in my opionion based on expereience to wait to marry till you have a career path established and have found all you want from the world first. Then theres no resentment and no dissapointed children.

Julie - posted on 03/05/2011

1

0

4

Age itself is meaningless. It doesn't matter if you are 18 or 80 - what matters is you maturity.

Older people are more likely to be mature, so marriage between older people is more likely to work out,but young people can be very mature and older people can be extremely immature.

I married at 19,hubby was 21. Our marriage only lasted 8 years I think it was? I try not to remember actually.

But it had nothing to do with my age. I could have married the day i turned 18 and still been happily married. I studied and worked hard and was the best housewife imaginable until my daughter was born, and then after that, cut back on studying, had to stop work due to an injury (but would have stopped worked to care for my daughter anyway) and became a dedicated mother.

At 19, I was more mature than many of my friends my age are now (at 30).

My marriage didn't work out because pure and simple, my now-ex husband was an immature monster who still to this day acts like a little kid.

He is married again, in an abusive relationship where both he and his new "wife" are violent, and both of them sleep around. They use drugs, get everyone else to pay their bills (or simply skip out without paying), she pretends to have a mental illness to get a pension (I knew her a lot longer than my ex and knew she was faking her illness long before I found out about their sick affair and cut him out of my life). He pays only a few dollars of child support after not paying for nearly 4 years, and lastI heard she no longer evey pays child support for the kid she had taken.

They both have 9 year old daughters who are more mature than they are.

Ironic that the only thing keeping their marriage together is a combination of knowing that they can't get anyone else long term (both have made it clear they'd "upgrade" if someone became available), and too embarassed to admit they betrayed a loving wife/loving best friend in the back by their affair and subsequent marriage.

they act like children when it comes to money, drug use, responsibilities.

And i've met people twice their age who are still like that.

Some people never mature, some people are very mature at a young age. There is nothng wrong with marrying young if both people are mature. I know people who maried at 16 and decades later are still happily married.

Maturity is what matters, not age.

Beverly - posted on 12/09/2009

3

18

1

I married young and older. I found that it was not my age, but my maturity, commitment level and yes, sometimes life experience that made the difference. A flexible pre-nuptual agreement that has nothing to do with money is always a good idea. Discuss things like how you'll live, housekeeping, yard work, respect, savings, purchases, nights out and children. As many subjects as you can come up with. If you have major differences in these areas you may need consuling. I'm of the mind that I may stay in love with this man, but I need to be able to live with him too.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

73 Comments

View replies by

Elfrieda - posted on 03/05/2011

2,620

0

462

I married one month before my 23rd birthday. My husband was 29. I'm not sure whether it was the age difference, but I had a hard time the first two years knowing how to make my opinion known without being mean. I thought I was so old and mature when I married, but now (I'm 29) I think of that bride as just a baby! I think if I had waited until I was older, I would have known myself better, and would have been able to communicate in a better way with my husband. But we didn't have a baby until we were 5 years into our marriage, which I think was good for us. We made sure we were solid before introducing a stressor like a baby into the relationship. I think that was a good move. We are really happy now, and thinking of having another one soon. I find that we are able to think of ourselves as a team, and have made life decisions together that other people find strange. (we quit our good jobs in the city to move to our little hometown and for my husband to try to start a business) It's a big adventure, and we know we can trust each other.
My husband would advise people to get married before 29, and I'd advise people to just keep in mind that the first few years might be rocky if you marry young, but to stick it out and grow into a team.
I'd say I had good and bad experiences marrying at 22. I don't regret it, though!

Nicole - posted on 12/09/2009

2

13

0

i got married the day after i turned 18 and i am now 21 and have a 2 year old my husband is in the military and while just like every relationship has its ups and downs im glad that i married hime while i did he saved me a lot of hard times and pain

Donna - posted on 12/09/2009

1

14

0

I was married the first time at 17 and divorced with two children after 9 years. I remarried at 27 and have been married for 21 years. I think the first thing anyone contemplating marriage should be to realize it is going to be difficult for a few years even in the best circumstances. Marriage is never 50/50 and most of the time it is 90/10 with the female being in the 90% range. Maturity is the key to succes and understanding that the marriage is not a throw away situation. It is forever.

Melanie - posted on 12/09/2009

441

23

58

i was married at 23 and mu hubby was 20. It depends on the couple. I mean i'm still married (almost 8 yrs) and we have had it tough. But my parents go married at 18 & 19 and divorced after 25 yrs together. I'm glad i got married when i did. I love him more now than i did then. We went on to have 2 kids together (1 of which is special needs). I think it depends also on your outlook. Marriage isn't easy, you have to work at it to make it work. xx

Betsy - posted on 12/09/2009

469

22

22

Quoting Rita:

I married young. I was 17 and my hubby was 18. We have been married for almost 15 years some good some bad and we have 3 great kids



We also married very young, and still together with 5 kids. I'm 37, and he is 40. I do think it is rare that young marriages seem to last. In general most marriages don't last unfortunately, but it makes sense that it is at higher rates when you marry before you even know the adult you will become.



To answer the question of the OP. Of course I think it can work, but those early years can be challenging so you really have to have a determination to work on the marriage even when it is tough, barring abuse or any mistreatment of course.

Krista - posted on 12/09/2009

23

24

0

i'm almost 20, got married at 18...we've been married over a year and a half and have been separated for over a month now....but i know ppl who got married young who have wonderful marriages...i dont really think it's about age, but the person, and maturity levels...older ppl can be immature and younger ppl can be very mature...

Rita - posted on 12/09/2009

1

10

0

I married young. I was 17 and my hubby was 18. We have been married for almost 15 years some good some bad and we have 3 great kids

Sandra - posted on 12/08/2009

15

1

0

I married when I was 16 yrs old, and that was puppy love, my youth was taking away, but I didn't have kids until age 20. If your man loves you, and will take care of you, even if you have no income, treats you all the same no matter what the issues are. any one can say I love you, but true love you feel with in your soul.

Iysha - posted on 12/08/2009

1,914

26

203

I am getting married in about 2 years. lol. It's a long wait but we need money first=] I feel married though...I mean, I live with my Fiance and we have a daughter and things are going great. I have a relative that was with her now husband for 17 years and got married after being with eachother for 14 years and had 2 children and I think their relationship lasted way longer than most marriages (with young couples and older couples). I think that it really doesn't make a difference on how a marriage goes or people's experiences with marriage in terms of age. idk. Good Luck with your article =]

Tammy - posted on 12/08/2009

684

12

124

Married life is fantastic, we got married when i was 18 and my hubby was 20. We have been together almost 7 years and have a five month old son, our next wedding anniversary will be number 4. Alot of people were shocked, even now, to find out we are married, but we are extremely happy and very much in love with each other.

Becky - posted on 12/08/2009

1

0

0

When I got married I was 17 and he was 22 we had dated since I was in Junior high we will be married 29 years in Feb. We have had some ups and downs raised 2 beautiful children, survived the teenage years, put them both through college,and now after all that we are enjoying our empty nest and have become more closer than ever. A marriage at any age takes a lot of effert and a lot of work and when things get tough you both have to stick together. And be sure you are each others best friend!

Andrea - posted on 12/08/2009

3

5

0

My husband and I were married when I was 17 and he was 19. I was 6 months pregnant at the time. (and yes we both finished school) Almost 32 yrs later we are still married and the proud parents of a 31 yr old daughter and 29 & 26 yr old sons--as well as grandparents to 6 grandchildren!! I don't think age has anything to do with it--some people can marry young and it works out and other people can wait till their 30's and be divorced in a year! It depends on the individuals and how much they are willing to put into their marriage. My parents were married at 21 and 16 and just celebrated 50 yrs of marriage so I also had strong role models.

Kimberly - posted on 12/08/2009

3

1

0

i got married at 25 and my hubby was 25 as well we've been togeather since we were 17 and had our first child at 19. Its been a hard road not easy. I would say that i don't think it matters what age you marry you still have your rough times and good. I am still with my hubby and we've been married nearly 3 years and been togeather for eleven years. I don't want my kids to marry and get serious so young but thats up to them. i am happy but do have some regrets.

Peita - posted on 12/08/2009

460

66

51

We have been together since we were 16! We bought a house at 21, got married at 22, had our first baby at 23, 2nd baby at 26, 3rd baby at 29 which was 6 weeks ago! I think life is what you make of it!! We are doing great and there isn't alot I would change!!!

Angie - posted on 12/08/2009

2,621

0

407

I was married at 21, dh was 24 and we've been married for 20 years. We had our first child when I was 25. There have never been any issues within our marriage. I think the reason our marriage is so strong and happy is that we consider our marriage to be a partnership of 3 - DH, me and God. We pray together every day. We go to church together at least once a week. We hold hands whenever we are close enough to do so and always when we drive. We have a deep respect for each other and a deep love for God. It makes all the difference in the world.

Sylvia - posted on 12/08/2009

1,315

8

34

I'm 35 (DH is 40), and we celebrated our 12th anniversary on Sunday, so I guess you could say we married young :)

It's worked out well for us ... but about 7-8 years ago there was a period when we went from having a whole bunch of married/common-law friends around our age to having a whole bunch of divorced/single-again friends. Of about a dozen couples who got married within a year or two of when we did (and around the same age as we did), fewer than half are still together. Those marriages/relationships split up for all sorts of reasons -- someone cheated, someone refused to seek help for mental illness and became emotionally abusive, someone couldn't deal with a partner's infertility, people fought over financial issues or just plain grew apart ... -- but it was eerie how many of them imploded right around the same time. Now, maybe some of the rest are "staying together for the kids" (none of those who split up had any kids at the time) -- who knows ;)

We got married young because we met at university when I was 18; we knew we wanted to marry each other within a couple of years, so there was no point in waiting years and years and years. But it was also because I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer when I was 21, and we wanted to try to start our family soon, in case the cancer came back. Unfortunately I didn't get pregnant, and the cancer did come back, which is why we'd been married almost 5 years before we became parents (through donor-egg IVF) and why we still only have one child even though we wanted three. But there were positive aspects to the whole experience, too. First of all, once you've been through a cancer diagnosis, major surgery, and six months of chemotherapy with someone, you have a pretty good idea of whether or not they're going to stick around for the long haul; you also kind of know from then on that you've coped with bad sh*t together and that together you can get through whatever other bad sh*t is coming in the future. Second of all, that big gap between getting married and having a baby meant that by the time DD came along, we were good and ready -- we'd had almost 5 years to be young marrieds, to spend time alone together and to do our own things, so it was easier not to resent the limits that having a baby necessarily imposes on one's lifestyle ;^).

If I were doing it all over again ... Well, I'd still marry DH, and I wouldn't wait to get older. But there are two things I'd definitely change. First, knowing what I now know about how difficult and expensive it was going to be to get pg, I'd skip the big wedding and save the money for infertility treatments (and a down payment on an apartment). Second, I wouldn't change my last name. (Although I might get an argument from DH about that ;^).)

Niki - posted on 12/08/2009

101

11

2

My husband and I were married when we were 23. We dated for about 3 1/2 years before we got married but we were engaged for the last 15 months of dating. We decided pretty quickly that we wanted to be together and we have been married for just over 3 years now. Its been a busy three years....we got pregnant with our daughter 7 months into our marriage, built our home last year and we are currently expecting daughter number 2 in the spring. These events definitely come with their own trials and issues but we have made it through so far and are still very much in love. What ive found for us is that communication is extremely important and you need to spend time talking through issues that you might have....otherwise they might blow up into something more serious.

Traci - posted on 12/08/2009

2,158

2

102

My husband and I got married young. I had just turned 19 two days before our "wedding." We are about to celebrate our 11 year anniversary this April. But we didn't have kids until we'd been married for almost 4 years. Couples need that time to feel eachother out and grow as a couple before moving on to growing as a family, I think.

It all depends on the couple. I know a couple who got pregnant at 16, got married, and are still happy together after 33 years. And then you'll see couples who waited till they were older, dated for a long time, and were divorced within 6 months.

Brandi - posted on 12/08/2009

26

10

0

im 18 and me and my husband whos 24 got married in july and we had our baby in september. i think it really depends on the people with how well the marriage goes. we are happier than ever. we always discover new things about each other every day. my best friend also just got married in november and her hubby is 22 and the are also very very happy. i think it also has to do with maturity.

Cassie - posted on 12/08/2009

0

0

182

My husband and I were married when we were 20. We began dating at age 14 and married 6 years later. We will be celebrating our 4 year anniversary this week. We have a 13 month old daughter and another on the way. Life couldn't be any more perfect for us and we wouldn't change a thing. Whether you marry young, or at a later age, as long as you are happy and in love, that is all that matters.

Jeanann - posted on 12/08/2009

1

14

0

I was married at 16 and it only lasted 3 years ..i don't think what your attracted to at 16 you like when your 25 so ..i think people should wait ...you need to really know yourself and your talents and dreams ...then you can find true happiness with a mate who encourages all your talents to become the best person you can be .i don't think you can find this at 16-25....or you will always feel like something inside of you is missing and not right ...

Gwen - posted on 12/07/2009

1,345

7

220

married at 22, divorced at 24. wait until you are older. see the world, go to school, take that out-of-state job while you have nothing to tie you down. There are lots of things I wish I had done before I had a mortgage and a child!

my brother and his wife married when they were 21 and 19. they've been married 16 years, but have had several ups and downs. been to counseling on numerous occasions over the years.

[deleted account]

I don't know when this was posted, but I was married 1 week after graduating high school, so I was 18. My husband was 19. We have been married for 10 1/2 yrs and have 2 children together. There have been some really hard times, but as with any marriage, no matter how old you are when you marry, you have to work at them to make them work. Movies romaticize everything, but reality is not like the movies. It's hard, it's rarely is what you expect, and when you marry young, you both still have some growing up to do. You change, he/she changes and you have to learn to work together to find that middle ground.

I am happy with my marriage, so I would say it was a great experience for me.

DEBBY - posted on 12/07/2009

1

2

0

I was married when I was 17 years old he was 19, we are still married, we have been married for 21 years! we have 3 children, 17, 12, and 10. (so no we didn't HAVE to get marrried)
Life was not always great but it was/is well worth the "fight" if you truly love the person and are 100% committed to making it work...sometimes one works more than the other, it is not always 50/50. but it is the best thing i ever did ad don not regret any part of my life with my husband or my children...hope this helps! If you need anything else let me know i will try to help out. best wishes!!

Courtney - posted on 12/07/2009

4

20

0

Hi!
I was 19 and my husband was 18 when we were married. Not only that but my step daughter was 16 months old. We had been together since she was 4 months old. Then we had our daughter 10 months after we were married.We also just had a son in April. Talk about starting a family! Now we are going to celebrate 6 years in Feb. Age is only a number. It depends on the individual persons involved and how much they are willing to put into the marriage.

C. - posted on 12/07/2009

4,125

35

242

I got married when I was 19 when I was 8 months pregnant, my husband was 20. The only thing about marrying that young is both spouses still have plenty of maturing to do. It takes a lot of work, especially when their is a baby in the mix right away, but it can be done. I wouldn't recommend that anyone get married that young. It's always best to wait a little while so you can mature more. I have only been married to my husband for 19 months (tomorrow actually) so we still have a lot of learning left when it comes to marriage. But a lot of it depends on how mature the both of you are.

Heather - posted on 12/07/2009

13

18

1

no i have no problems with it i married at 18 right after i graduated and we are still married to day and have three kids but you have to know that is what you want in your life that is what i wanted and it is working for me i am now 27 years old and my husban and kids are my life dont think i could live with out them.hope that helps thanks for letting me share

Angel - posted on 12/07/2009

3

6

0

I met my husband when I was 15, he was 20.. we married when I was 18 and he was 23. We have been together for 11 years, married going on 8 years. We have a good marriage. Although like the saying goes... with God as your glue, you'll never seperate. I don't think it's an issue of age, but rather where you are in your life at any given moment.

Corinne - posted on 12/07/2009

34

11

6

It depends on the maturity of the people getting married, so this is what I believe. My husband and I were engaged when I was 18 and he was 19 we got married when I turned 21 (so I could celebrate with alcohol legally), and my husband was 22. We have always had a strong relationship, and it continues to grow stronger every day. We have been married for 5 years, and now have two wonderful children. I think some of the things that help out in such a young relationship is actually taking the time to getting to know the person you want to spend the rest of you life with, as well as having that maturity level of knowing what the true meaning of love means, and knowing when you actually get into a relationship that will last for the rest of your life that it isn't a walk in the park and it is something that both partners will have to work at. Now in those words I have a friend who married his wife as soon as she graduated from high school, and she has been with him since she was 13, so she really never experienced anything outside of being with him. He was shipped over to Iraq, and she started college. She ended up cheating on him with another, lost 3,000 dollars in Vegas,and went a little "Crazy" with the freedom she was having with spending his hard earned cash. So after they had been married for 2 years they are now getting a divorce, this is my case in point for maturity. She wasn't mature enough for such a relationship.

User - posted on 12/07/2009

1

25

0

I was 19 and my husband 24 when we got married. We had been together almost 3 yrs. I think some people are to immature that those ages, but some are not. We just celebrated our 11 yr. anniversery. We have went through a lot of things most marriages don't go through and we love each other more today because of those things. I believe a lot of marriages fail because sometimes the parties involved aren't willing to fight for what they have and seek help from the outside not because of there age. Today couples take the easy way out and divorce instead of doing all they can to stay together. Marriage is probably one of the hardest things a person will do in their lives and it takes a lot of commitment.

I don't regret getting married at such a young age, but sometimes I wish we would have waited alittle longer to have our first child. Children are a huge reality check to a marriage and can add a lot of stress. I just think that every person and marriage is different with different circumstances and it is hard to put an age on it.

Mary - posted on 12/07/2009

56

11

5

Marriage is a big step & shld not be taken lightly...@ the age of 19-21, r ppl really emotionally & mentally mature enough 2 handle all the responsibility & compromise that marriage involves. i think it depends on the individual but i wld not rush into anything, If u r truly meant 2 b together it will happen whether u're 19 or 25. I say get ur life straight first, focusing on some of the things u wld like 2 accomplish, financially stable b 4 making a lifetime commitment 2 another person. Dont get me wrong, if the person is truly committed 2 one another it can work,,,speaking from experience i married at age 19 and have been 2 gether 4 bout 20 yrs but believe me when i say it was not an easy road 2 travel at such an early age.

Bobbie - posted on 12/07/2009

2

41

0

i was married at 19 and divorced by 21. my then husband was 26 and still too immature. i was remarried at 23 and have been happily married for 3 almost 3 years. it just depends on the people, both have to be commited and deteremined to make it work.

Kristina - posted on 12/07/2009

9

21

0

I would have to agree that it depends on the people in the relationship. My sister got married when she was in college and ended up divorced 2 years later. My older brother got married when he was 19 and ended up divorced 3 years later. Where as I got married the day before i turned 19 and my husband was 23, and we both want to grow old together. We have been married 6 and a half years and will have been together 9 in March. We have gone through 2 deployments and me messing up on the first deployment. We have 1 daughter and are praying for 3 more kids. I have another brother that just got a divorce who had been married for 9 yrs. He was 24 when they got married. Most of the issues I think couples have today is that they dont expect anything to be differant from when they were dating. They expect it to be all peaches and cream and it isnt. You no longer can just do what ever, you need to think about your partner as well as about yourself. My husband and I both agree that couples need to TALK with each other, not yell but actually talk. We have spent many nights staying up till 1 just talking. I love to just lay in bed, snuggle up and have discussions. No we dont agree on everything, we have our differances, but that is what relationships are about. I can truthfully say that in our years together we have NEVER sat there and yelled at each other because we didnt agree on something, or because one of us did something wrong. If we do something wrong we tell each other right away and dont let it sit for a week and then get all pissed off.
It is the little things that should count. I love it when he makes supper once in a while, no he doesnt do it very often but when he does I make sure to let him know i appreciate it. He thanks me everytime I cook, it is nice to know that he doesnt expect me to do this and appreciates me for it. You need to let each other know what you would like. One of the most important things is saying. thank you or I love you.
Ok, im done.LOL Just had to get some of that written down.

Ashleyjayne - posted on 12/07/2009

14

39

0

i got married at the age of 19 an my husband was 27 it depends on how u fell about it we are just as strong as we was befor we got married an are still very happy so it does not mater about wot age you are just as long as you love each other an want to spend the rest of your lives together

Valissa - posted on 12/07/2009

44

25

2

my husband and i got married when i was 20 and he was 22. we have been married for 4 1/2 years and definately still going. the hardest part for us was dealing with him working out of town, and not having enough money. but as long as people are commited to each other and are willing to work out their problems and communicate with each other, then a marriage will usually work (not all cases of course). like the others have said the maturity of the people plays a big roll. I had always planned on being married at 20 and I already had a child, so I was very much ready for being married. It was definately not easy every day, but I love him a lot and we have 3 children with another on the way. I can see us being happy for the next 30 years, but you never know what is gonna happen. Ill work really hard to keep it going though.

[deleted account]

I think the thing that dooms so many marriages to failure these days is that our society no longer sees marriage as a permanent thing. It is something that you do when you're in love and whenever you feel like you're not in love anymore you can get a divorce. So I think the best way to determine if a marriage is going to last is that ask the couple how they think of marriage. My husband and I both see marriage as a permanent thing. God as joined us together with what my pastor calls "spiritual cement" and there is no way to break us apart. We both understand that we will not always be the same people we were when we said "I do" and that we will not always feel like we're "in love" but we have made a commitment to one another and that is what matters, not how we feel.

As far as age goes, for most of human history 25 would have been very old to be getting married, especially for women and only today are we seeing so many divorces.

Julie - posted on 12/07/2009

4

13

0

There is nothing wrong with being married young, it depends on how you work on the marriage to keep it going....
I was 20 and my husband was 24 when we got married, it was and still is work on an everyday scale... anyone who says that they have never had a quarrel or disagreements in a marriage I will call them a liar.
In september my husband and I, (both of us with health conditions now), celebrated our 26th wedding anniversary and we are still going very, very strong. We are still happy too.... So work at it and it can happen for you too... Never let yourselves go to bed angry at each other.

Cori - posted on 12/07/2009

623

20

88

oh and i forgot to mention my husband and I have known eachother for many years and have been friends since Jr High School... we have a lot of friends (since we are in the military life style) that have been married and divorced young! we know the rates are higher in the military to get divorced especially since some of our best friends have been divorced all ready and we are only 23. its sad and scary to see good friends who we thought had good relationships get divorced so quickly and so young but we are, as my husband says, "a different breed"

Sonya - posted on 12/07/2009

18

61

2

hey there, well I have personally had a good experience...

I will be married for 4 yrs in April 2010, and married the father of my children and also my high school sweet heart
We got married 6 months after my oldest was born, my husband was 20 yrs old and I was 21. The first thought people have when they relise my oldest is older then our marriage they assume it was due to the fact we had a child we got married.
Infact we did no such thing,we were married 2 weeks before he left for the military. To be a young mom and then to have no hubby around for help with the baby or just the house work or running to the store... I didnt even drive then, so I was totally outta luck and doing it on my own.
Now he's still in the military and hes always gone so Im use to doing it alone, though its not easy its the life we have and couldnt be prouder of my family. Dont get me worng its sooo hard sometimes. I want to go to school, I feel as though my life sits on hold while he gets to accomplish thing- its somthing we argue about but we'll figure it out... child care coast soo much ...
I know a few couples who have married because they have had children but I think it would be soo unfair to the all involved of that relationship.
You marry for love. Nothing is perfect and age has nothing to do with it, sure people devorice but there are many reasons...

Cori - posted on 12/07/2009

623

20

88

my husband and I got engaged after dating for 6 months (4 of which we were across the country from eachother) and got married 1 month later, we just celebrated our 2nd anniversary yesterday and our son just turned 1. his parents did a similar thing when they were 21.. and they just celebrated their 26th anniversary! we are confident that even though everything happened to so fast our marriage is built to last!

Stephanie - posted on 12/07/2009

728

3

64

I am very grateful for all the responses I have received in such a short amount of time!! This will make it a lot easier when it comes time to develop themes and perceptions. THANKS. I'm also glad to see so many positive experiences or at least lessons learned which turned into great things. Keep the posts coming =)

Trinity - posted on 12/07/2009

42

27

3

Hello. I got married at 19 and my husband was 28. I am now almost 23 with 2 daughters. It is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I hope it lasts forever!

Jackie - posted on 12/07/2009

21

15

8

I got married June 23 ,1973 at the age of 18( to my high school sweetheart ),whom I had been dating since I was 15 and he was 17 and I am still married after 36 years. It was the right thing for us. We did wait to have children though till I was 26. We've had our ups and downs but we have worked through them.

Heidi - posted on 12/07/2009

58

29

8

I was married when I was 21. I married my High School sweetheart. Weve been together since i was 16. Im almost 25. I wouldnt change a thing about our marrige. I believe i have found my soul mate. He will be the person I spend the rest of my life with. God willing! I am more in love with him now then what I was when i married him 4 years ago! I think that if you found that ONE person your meant to be with, You should marry them no matter how young or old you are!!

[deleted account]

I got married at 20 and we've been married for about a year. For me it is kind of mixed anout it. I love my husband and think I made a good choice with being with him. We don't fight that much and we aren't as set in our ways so we are more willing to compromise on home issues and child raising. On the other hand it makes it harder to identify with my friends because alot of them are still dating and don't have kids and don't have to work. Also sometimes, when you talk to your friends, you kind of miss being single and dating. You kind of feel like you are missing out on that. But overall I am happy with getting married and wouldn't want to lose my husband just because I wanted to have fun for a while longer.

Jodi - posted on 12/07/2009

2,694

52

175

My husband and I will have been married for 3 years come August. We got married when we were 21, as of this month, we have been together for 6 years. I love my husband and life is pretty good, we have a house and a little girl together. Like any marriage, young or old there are struggles. One thing is for certain, marrying young means you're not quite set in life yet. Neither of us were out of college, neither of us had a good paying, steady job or much money set aside. That being said, we've had fun finding ways to have fun and be in love the cheap way! Looking back, I wish we would have waited a while longer so that we could be more ready for family life. The other thing I would like to mention is that there is a vast difference in dating and living together and being married. Within 6 months of being married we came to realize that "the chase was off". We lost just a little bit of that spark. We love each other very much, but being 24 and settled can be unnerving at times. I wish we would have waited a few years more so that we could enjoy not being legally bound to any one person. Until you're married you're single, you have your whole life to be married, but only a small window of time to enjoy being single. I hope this helps, message if you need anything else and good luck on your paper!!

Melissa - posted on 12/07/2009

53

13

2

I was married when I was 21 and my husband was 26 (so I guess he doesn't really count for this, haha). I was 22 when I had our first child (I'm 23 now). We've been married since April 2008. I love that I was able to be married so young... I have always wanted to be a younger mom, which wouldn't have worked out for me if I wasn't married (it wasn't a shotgun wedding... we were married about 8 months before we found out we were pregnant). I've had a great time being married. Even though I'm pretty young, I was MORE than ready to leave the dating scene behind. I had already finished college (which was my father's condition when my husband asked him for my hand) so I don't feel like I missed out on anything. It's good to know that all those stupid games are over, and I just have someone who's going to love me, period. However, I've also known my husband since I was fifteen, and we were best friends for YEARS before we even started dating. So I think the key to young marriage is to REALLY know the person you're marrying, and not marrying the guy you've dated for a year or whatever.

Mary - posted on 12/07/2009

58

12

17

Hi Stephanie,
I dated a guy all through high school. I never went to any games or school activities. I got married to the guy at age 19 and divorced at age 20. I thought I was so grown up. I thought I was mature enough to know what I wanted. Maybe if I had got to do all the things my friends did, it might have been different. I felt like I missed out on everything! Even college! ;-(

Lucy - posted on 12/07/2009

591

33

23

I really think the likelihood of success in a marriage is down to the emotional maturity of both partners, as well as realising it is something you have to work hard at to reap the benefits of happiness and longevity. I suppose these traits are more often found in older people, but that doesn't mean there aren't some youngsters who also have them. It would be interesting to know some statistics about what age most divorcing or divorced couples were when they got married. Myself, I've been with my husband for 13 years, since I was 16, and we've been married for nearly 7 years now. I don't really know any other couples that have been together since they were that young to make a comparison, but I can say that we have two gorgeous kids (2 and 3) and we are happier than ever. Of course, we have had our tough times to work through, but I don't think any more or less so than couples I know who married older.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms