me and my husband love each other very much , but we struggling with his kids, they giving us a hard time

Mrs - posted on 04/17/2014 ( 7 moms have responded )

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hi , I am a mother of 8 children, 3 of my own and 5 step kids. me and my husband are married for 2 years now and we love each other very much. the problem is that his children never accepted me as a step mom and they all living with us. me and my husband always have arguments cause the children always have issues and always find ways to come between us. they always trying to make trouble between us. when my husband is at work, they treat me terrible , disrespecting me , shouting at me and slamming doors and tell me just anything they like. when my husband arrives from work then they pretend nothing happened and act all innocent and even come kiss me and say i love you mom. so when i do tell my husband how they treat me then he would not believe me, cause they put up a good performance when he is around and treat me like crap when he is not at home. i feel terrible and dont know what to do.

my own kids moved to their father cause they couldnt handle it any longer to see how this kids are treating me and we have to clean up their mess and they too lazy to do house chores and me and my kids have to clean up after every one, which my kids think its unfair that we have to do all the dirty work and they get away with murder.

Im driving his kids around and it seems that i have to do everything for them and dont have a choice or a say in the matter. the eldest is 23 yrs, then the 21 yr old, 19 and 14 and the boy is 9. the rest is all girls.

they dont want to do anything ,dont even know how to cook and just put demands on me and i must just do what ever they want from me. . they so pretentious when my husband is at home , but when he as work they treat me like crap. when ever i tell him about it, it is as if Im lying to him, cause how can his angels that love their step mom so much be the same children what i describe them to be when he is not around.

ive been to the dr several times now and it all comes down to depression and i cant handle it any longer. i already lost my kids through this trauma that im going through. my husband is a very good man, and he does look well after me, its just that his kids are so well trained i would say to give me a hard time, i dont wana give them the pleasure of destroying my marriage, cause i think that is what they aiming for and that is what they want.

its so heartsore cause i do such a lot for them and no one appreciate what i do in the house.

i always showed them love and i accepeted them as my own and treated them as my own, but they have their own game that they playing and i really love my husband sooo much, and really dont know what to do.

my marriage is at stake now and my husband is tired of me telling him something that he dont see........

PLEASE HELP

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Natalie - posted on 04/17/2014

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Sounds like you need professional help like family counseling?

First of all the fact that there are adults living in your home disrespecting you and not contributing to the household is just not right but what concerns me even more is that your husband is allowing this!

Secondly I find it extremely disturbing that your husband and his chaos has cut you off from your own children.

I'm sorry but to me your husband doesn't sound like he cares for you at all. If he really loved and cared for you he would not allow his children to treat you this way, he wouldn't take their word over yours without first discussing it in depth with you, and he wouldn't have a one-sided concern for his own children while disregarding yours.

If he truly viewed this as a blended family then he would see your children as his own and treat them as such, certainly not allowing the chaos to make them want to leave.

It sounds like he is just using you...he rushes off to work day after day and leaves you to take care of all the responsibility and all the mess. Where are his children's mother? Why isn't she helping out?

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Michelle - posted on 04/17/2014

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Well if your husband doesn't believe you then there's not much of a marriage.
He needs to be strong and kick the older ones out, they are adults and should be making their own lives, not living under Daddy's roof and making your life hell.
You need to get your husband to see the damage they are doing. Does he know that your children moved out because of his? You need to make sure he opens his eyes and realizes his children aren't angels. If he's not willing to accept it then you may need to just move on. Why should you be unhappy?

Mrs - posted on 04/17/2014

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my children are very supportive where my husband is concern cause they dont want to see me and my husband apart . all they want is for me to have a happy marriage and they want me to work things out with him. i struggled alone with them for 10 yrs before remarrying and its just so sad......

they care a lotfor my husband cause he was never nasty with them , its his children that makes everything bad in the house and play their cards so that he cant see whats truly happening. and thats what my kids saw and they dont want me to leave him, they want me to stay and solve the problems and make him see what is happening around him.

he is a very soft person in nature and very loving too,its his kids thats like witches .... thats why my kids dont want me to give up and fight for my marriage

Michelle - posted on 04/17/2014

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That has nothing to do with how they are treating you. If their Mother couldn't look after them then their FATHER should! It sounds like you came along at the right time to become a nanny for his children.
The fact that you are still with him instead of your own children is very sad. YOUR children should come before any man. How do your children feel that you have stayed with a man and are still looking after his nasty children but they had to leave to have a peaceful life? You have chosen the people that were nasty to your children over them.

Mrs - posted on 04/17/2014

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thanks for your reply

the mother apparently according to him does not have the capabality to look after her own children.

which i felt sorry for them in the beginning and gave all my support, but ended up with me burden with worries and disrespect

Michelle - posted on 04/17/2014

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Well for starters the 23 & 21 year olds can move out and fend for themselves or pay rent. Even the 19yo can support themself. They are adults and should be treated as such, not like children and you do everything for them. Surely the 3 oldest ones can get their licence and drive themselves around.

I would never have chosen a man over my children though. That's what you did when you chose to stay with your husband and your children left to live with their Dad. If you are so unhappy and depressed then leave him. You should be making yourself and YOUR children your top priority, not him and his children.

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