mean adult daughter

Jana - posted on 01/02/2014 ( 11 moms have responded )

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Why does my 27 year old daughter tret me so mean and disrespetful? My 30 Yr old daughter does understand either.

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[deleted account]

Hmmm, maybe something more serious IS wrong. She sounds very unhappy and it's coming out in hostility and negativity. Maybe depression? I'm no doctor though.
My sister is narsissistic (spelling) and really talks down to clerks and waiters, it's humiliating and painful to watch.
It must be hard to be on the receiving end of that, especially as a mother.
Maybe she does need to see someone, maybe there is a diagnosis. Although she may be very offended at the suggestion.
What you can do for yourself is to set some boundaries. Whether someone has a 'diagnosis' or a mental health problem, you do not need to be treated that way by anyone. You must set the boundaries because it doesn't sound like she'll make any changes on her own so take care of YOU.
I felt very verbally abused (not swearing or physical) and abused in many ways by her and taken advantage of. After rants or arguing, I'd feel like an abused dog or an abused house-wife.
She just moved out. I'm thinking that may be the beginning of change.

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[deleted account]

I use 'tough love'. Although I think they should reword it calling it 'torturing yourself' love. It's gotta be MUCH harder on us than them. It feels like the 'tough love' incidences sit in my guts like lead, even when I know it had to be done. But to the kids- they seem to brush if off their shoulders while it sits inside of me.
I guess that's 'tough love' stirred together with 'mother guilt'.

Jana - posted on 01/06/2014

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I think she needs counseling. This is so sad but someone needs to use tough love. Tough love is the hardest thing to do as a parent.

Maria - posted on 01/05/2014

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I thought I was the only one! But mine is 17. It was my son first from age 12 till now that he is 18. and he is in jail for abusing my youngest and now my daughter is taking over, not hitting me, but she is verbal controling, and manipulative!

Jana - posted on 01/04/2014

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She does not resent me re $. She makes remarks about clothes I buy at kohls and walmart. She tells me white house black market has much nicer clothes. She has plenty of money. I spent more money on her over the years than her older sister. She just has this thing for putting down everything I say and do. She makes negative remarks about her in-laws, co-workers, and supposedly friends all the time. She yells at waiters and store clerks for things that are not their fault. I talked to a counselor on the phone last night thru our insurance. This couselor asked me what my daughters diagnosis is. Maybe my daughter needs help. I hope i made myself more clear. She seems to hate everyone, not just me It is very hard. Thanks.

[deleted account]

Okay Jana-
You gotta get real here.
Obviously there are issues that you need to think about. She obviously resents you about money. Do you know the answer why? You are very vague when you speak, the vaguer you are, you will have less genuine conversations online.

Why does she resent you about money. Did you maybe not have money while she was growing up? Does she need financial help sometimes and you don't want to help (which is fine) or you cannot financially help? Is she jealous of her sister and thinks that you've given or give her more? There are reasons and either you know what they are or you haven't given it enough thought.

My daughter resents me about money. The last year of her being at home here- I ran out of money and was not/am not working.
I almost feel guilty when I rarely buy myself something, and she has seen me with something that I purchased and chastised me for it. I felt bad. I SHOULDN'T have. She thinks I have to justify how I can possibly buy myself something. I am not worthless and I deserve to treat myself. Our girls (mine and yours) are adults now and we do not have to explain where our money is going or justify purchasing things.

You can buy a big-a__ water fountain with a unicorn on top and you do not to justify it, although you might feel that you do.

You don't have to justify any financial things to her, but I think you may know the answer to why she resents you. We often know what the reasons are. Once you speak about this- only then can women help you how to feel better about it.

I hope I have not been to harsh.

Jana - posted on 01/03/2014

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Kim invalidates almost every thing I say and do. She asks questions about why I have things. I am retired and I do not shop very much at all. She still asks questions about things and makes rude remarks. One day she asked me why I had a hair straightener, with much sarcasm in her tone. I said Jamie(the hairdresser we both go to) used one to style my hair so Jamie suggested I buy one. One day in line at a store, a little girl in line with her mom in front of us smiled at me and said hi to me. Her mom turned to look at me. I told her mom what a beautiful little girl she had. They walked away and my daughter looked at me and with sarcasm in her voice, asked me why I said that to the little girls mom. Wow! Isn't that just being a normal kind person. Kim is always putting me down. I listen to her complain about her co-workers and even the vey few friends she has. I just listen and say oh. I do not put her down or anything she does. When Kim needs any sewing or alterations done, I do them immediately. I am afraid if I take too long to get her sewing done, she will put me down and yell at me for taking too long.

Ev - posted on 01/02/2014

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Depends on what is going on. Do you show her respect when she is around? How do you treat her? A little more information would be helpful.

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