Mean daughters who favour their father

Andrea - posted on 01/09/2014 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I have three daughters, 32, 29 and 26. Their father believes in creating trouble between us. He is an ex alcoholic who did not offer any emotional support to them but he is quiet. I on the other hand am quite extroverted. My elder daughter asked me to get out of her house at 10 pm when I travelled to another country to help her with the birth of her first baby. She interefered in a conversation I was having with my husband and I told her she should not have. She treated me very badly in her home asking me not to use her glasses etc. The second daughter messed up every education opportunity and now I pay a huge amount every month to fund her education and she still does not respect me. The third one has not spoken to me in five years and stopped talking after she took the last instalment of her college fees. She stole my eldest daughter's boyfriend and her anger with me was that I did not condone that behaviour although her father supported it. I feel very sad that despite all the love and support I have shown my daughters they have continued to treat me this way, because of their treatment of me, their respective partners also think it is okay to show me contempt. I feel so beaten down and disappointed with parenthood.

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Andrea - posted on 01/10/2014

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Totally understand about supporting financially. About respecting house rules, I would hardly say that using the only glasses available to drink water is violating house rules. Yes, I understand about not interfering in their personal lives but this boy was fooling around with both daughters - and with the younger one in my own home. The elder one would phone me and chide me for appearing to be supportive of her own pain of mind. She was in deep anguish over what her sister did to her. I hardly dictate their behaviour because I live in another country. I understand about distancing myself - and I quite accept that they have to respect me otherwise the circle of hurt, blame, quarrels and eventually periods of not talking would repeat itself. Thank you for your post, it is nice to know people care.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/10/2014

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1) Quit financially supporting your adult children. If they can't take care of responsibilities, why should you pay more?

2)Respect their house rules. You expect them to respect yours in your home, correct?

3)Its not your business who your kids date, sleep with, or even marry, really. By interfering in the relationship of your youngest, you indicated to her that your eldest was more important to you. Stay out of their business. They're adults.

4) Your kids are ADULTS. That means that you don't get to dictate their behaviour. Let them know you love them, and then distance yourself from their hurtful behaviour. Either they'll come around, or not, but its their choice.

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