Medical decisions

Jody - posted on 04/28/2016 ( 14 moms have responded )

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Do I have to tell child's father of upcoming tonsillectomy? I have sole physical custody.

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Jodi - posted on 04/28/2016

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Like Dove said, there is a difference between sole physical custody and legal custody. Generally, there is automatic assumption on joint legal custody unless otherwise determined by a court, so this means both parents have a say in education, medical, religion and those kind of decisions. In that case, yes, you need to let her dad know. Why would you not want to tell him anyway?

Dove - posted on 04/28/2016

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What kind of legal custody do you have? If you have full legal custody... no. If you have joint legal custody... yes. Physical custody and legal custody are different issues.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/29/2016

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Oops, sorry...your comment about you would be telling him was hidden. I retract my last statement.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/29/2016

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Honestly, you don't seem to want to act the adult.

Seriously, ANSWER this: What would YOU want if the situation were reversed? Would you want to be in the loop, or would you accept that he made the decision without informing you?

If your answer would TRULY be that you'd be completely ok with not knowing that your kid was going under the knife, and you'd be perfectly happy with being told 2 weeks after the fact, then proceed. Otherwise? Tell him

Dove - posted on 04/29/2016

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OK... but right now is the first time you've mentioned legal custody at all. Prior to this you only mentioned physcial custody... and since they aren't the same thing you should be able to understand the confusion and questions....

Jody - posted on 04/29/2016

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I do have sole legal custody, making all decisions. She is almost 3...and I do understand that it is about her, not me...circumstances aren't known by all, tho I do appreciate all the advice.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/28/2016

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Think of it this way: if the situation were reversed, you would be extremely upset if you were not informed of a pending medical procedure for your child.

At this point, it is not about YOUR stress level. You don't have to be there while he visits, if he already has visitation. You can go get a cup of coffee, or a snack while he's visiting. Your daughter has the right to have him there if she needs him.

Sarah - posted on 04/28/2016

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Many hospitals require the signature of off both parents before proceeding with a surgery. On another note; how old is your child? If under 10 she will be up and around in days not weeks, barring any complications.

Dove - posted on 04/28/2016

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What does your court order specify about legal custody? My ex has visits (unsupervised) w/ our children, but I have not only full physical, but full legal custody as well. The court order should specify information about legal custody and if it doesn't... you should assume that means he has a right to know just to err on the side of caution.

Jodi - posted on 04/28/2016

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Then it isn't sole legal custody. He has a say in medical decisions. You have to let him know or it could come back to bite you. If you start making medical decisions without him, he could actually legally challenge your sole custody on this basis. I wouldn't risk it. I understand you don't want him there.......but that's about YOUR stress and anxiety. Your child has a right for her father to be involved this process.

Jody - posted on 04/28/2016

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i wasn't sure how to reply as the reply doesn't show on my tablet...sorry it took so long

Jody - posted on 04/28/2016

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I have sole physical custody. He has supervised visits.I only do not want him there as he causes me stress and anxiety. She will need two weeks of downtime...so I'm having it done when it won't interfere with his weekend...this is for her recovery...resting time isn't a high priority with him at all...that is why.

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