Merging two families and the struggles along the way

Lisa - posted on 01/29/2015 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I remarried in March 2014. I have two kids and my husband has three kids. The ages of our children are 8,9,9,10,and 15. My 15 year old step daughter moved in full time with us in April. She is a wonderful student. She has achieved a lot in school while maintaining good grades. Her attitude at home is one of a prima donna. Her dad, my husband, lets her get away with anything and talk to anyone how ever she wants. He will get on to me for something and then she does the exact same thing and he says nothing to her. I have talked to him about this but nothing ever changes. I am getting tired of trying and I am sure he is tried of hearing it. He expects me to teach our kids manners and how to be a good adult. I feel like everything I try he undoes. Plus when I need him to back me up with our 15 year old, he sits there quit and lets me do all the talking. I find myself dreading when she is coming home and my heart hardening towards her and my husband. I do blame him more than I do her. She is only going to act the way she is allowed to. That's part of being a teenager. This really hurts me because I do love them all. What do I do? Please any advice is very welcomed. I am at my wits end.

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Raye - posted on 01/29/2015

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If your husband won't agree there's not much you can do to change him. You can try counseling to let him know this is serious, and to get a professional opinion of both: your demands, and his lack of action. Maybe hearing it from someone else would nudge him into action.

Lisa - posted on 01/29/2015

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Thank you foe your response Raye. I agree completely with Everything you stated. My question is how to get my family on that page. I have talked to my husband until I am at my witts end. I have looked articles up online, videos, focus on the family, etc. I am completely out of ideas on how to get my family to the same page. Mainly getting my husband and me on the same page.

Raye - posted on 01/29/2015

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All the kids in the house need to have the same rules and you and your husband need to be on the same page as far as discipline. Your husband should be the primary enforcer for his kids and you should be the primary enforcer for your kids. But, again, same rules and ALL the kids need to respect both of you. Tell your husband to man-up and stop pushing all the responsibility off on you.

Kids do need discipline, and it should happen sooner rather than later. The longer it's allowed to go on unchecked, the more difficult it will be later to try to get anything to change.

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