MIL

Ruth - posted on 09/19/2015 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I hate living with my in my laws!!!!!! My mil is a control freak. She loves to cook so she cooks whatever she wants everyday(for the whole household). She's a religion fanatic so she said I'm not allowed to bring meat into the house, not even eggs. They're vegetarians, my husband is also a vegetarian. I agreed to live with them so we can save some money. But now my husband is saying we have to live there indefinitely. He said even if we get our own place his parents are gonna have to move in with us at some point when they're older. I don't wanna to live with her for the rest of my life. We just had a baby couple of months ago and I feel like killing myself!
I don't want to take care of her when she's older she will be even more annoying. She's OCD and obsessively cleans and scrubs the house everyday. She's also fibromyalgia so constantly complaining about being sick. I feel like my head is going to explode.

when I was pregnant I could not eat her food and most foods because of nausea. My mother made me a big batch of soup it had meat in it so I brought it in the house to eat for the next couple of days. my husband was freaking out the whole time telling me why I brought the food in the house. saying his mom will get upset at him blah blah blah I got so frustrated I threw the whole soup away.
Should I just get out now and take my baby to a shelter??!?!

2 Comments

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Lexi - posted on 09/19/2015

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Don't leave... well not yet. You see try to work it out with your MIL. i know somewhat of how you feel. When i was little my mom and i moved into my step dads moms house to save money. i hated his family and it was a living nightmare. they were always talking about god and trying to change my mind about believing in greek gods. they treated me like crap. his mom would always cook and her food was terrible. my mom had just had her 3rd child and i knew that there was nothing i could do about living there. i cried myself to sleep all the time, well when i could sleep. his mom and sisters ( who lived their too ) were always loud and complaining and yelling at me to clean something. but i did it live there and i never complained. i did it all for my mom. i started picking up hobbies to distract myself. i started reading a lot and sewing. i also tried to get myself out of the house as much as possible. TRY IT! you could start doing yoga to help the stress. you could even do it with your baby! Start cooking! use subs for meat like tofu! make it your own goal every day to beat your mil to the kitchen so you could cook and not her. i hope this helped!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/19/2015

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You're adults, for crying out loud, so quit living with her. It's a simple solution, really, although I'm not sure what's so darned stressful about living in someone else's home, having them WILLINGLY prepare all meals, and do all cleaning, and only have the simple request that you respect their home and chosen vegetarian lifestyle. Surely you knew that your husband was a vegetarian before you married, so the adjustment shouldn't have been THAT huge...

You may be suffering from some post partum depression as well, which is very common, actually. Have you spoken with your physician regarding those feelings of depression and desperation? It may be beneficial to do so.

Regarding the statement about having to take care of his parents at some point...In my point of view, we ALL owe it to our parents to return the caregiving in their later years. I plan on having my MIL move in with us whenever she's ready to do so. In quite a few cultures, the entire family unit lives together indefinitely! While this would have probably driven me bonkers to live with my mother forever, if it were a cultural norm where I am, I'd probably have felt differently. Each person is different in that regard, but back to topic...

Its time for you to tell hubby that you 're adults and you need to be in your own home. Start with some counseling so that you and he can get on the same page. You don't say where you're at, so I can't comment on whether or not it IS a cultural norm to live with the extended family, but as I said, we really do owe our parents (for the most part) for what they did to raise us. If you feel that her conditions will be a problem, now is the time to start suggesting perhaps assisted living situations, rather than moving them back in with you in a few more years.

Definitely speak with your physician regarding your feelings of depression, etc. That, alone, may help you.

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