MIL and babysitting

KP - posted on 02/19/2014 ( 2 moms have responded )




I have a 4 month old daughter now. Before she was born, I had a friendly relationship with my mother in law, but the day she was born changed everything. I had a difficult delivery that ended with 3rd degree tears. I had a 10 lb baby. We lived with my in laws at the time because we had just moved back to town. My husband had set up everything upstairs so I could recover and take care of my new baby girl. Instead I was miserable, fighting with my husband, and not getting to truly enjoy my daughter's first days and recover. Basically, my mother in law accused me of keeping my daughter from her, instead of me just wanting privacy and bonding time with my newborn and time to recover. See, she didn't believe that I was hurt as bad as I was. Did I mention she's a nurse. Anyway, it went as far as her saying I needed to find somewhere else to stay when my husband went back to work. My husband moved us out quickly to a new home, yet the funding continued where he couldn't even enjoy his own child. Finally, she semi apologized, cconveniently in time when my maternity leave ended. We decided to use her as the babysitter because it would be free. This ended in many more blow ups towards me. She manipulated my husband into saying that I'm selfish and too picky because I was making request of things for when she kept her. Example, when she first started keeping her my daughter (who slept through the night on her own) began screaming her head off if I put her down whether day or night. Now I knew what was happening because my mother in law told me that she didn't put her down during the day and that she didn't like letting her sleep. Instead of confronting her that way, I told her the problem I was having and asked her if she could help us break her from the habit of needing to be held all the time. That evening when I came to pick her up, I was attacked by my mother in law about how she's the grandmother and if she wants to hold her all day then she should be able to. So, I of course have no choice but to take it while my husband sits there and backs up everyone but me. Another fight was because I asked her not to put her in size two diapers yet because they were still too big on her and she would leak through them everytime. Finally, things came to a head between my husband and her and she was out of our lives. I was the happiest ever and my husband and I were happy together. Unfortunately, recently she got a hold of my husband after almost 2 months and tried to make up with him. She calls him begging to at least keep our daughter once a week because she misses her so much. I am hesitant because I finally have my daughter in a daily schedule. But I agree to the one day to keep piece with my husband. Well, I was home sick yesterday and he took her to his mom's because it was his mom's day. Well around 11 I found out my daughter wasn't feeling well, I asked him to go get her on his lunch and bring her home. He wouldn't do it because he said it would make her mad and that I'm being selfish because I see her everyday and she only sees her once a week and that isn't fair to her. I'm sorry but I don't think it's fair that I am home and don't even get to spend time or take care of my child when she feels bad because it would upset your mother. He finally brings her home after work. She takes a bottle then wanted to go to sleep so I put her down for a nap. She didn't even wake up until this morning. I saw my child for 30 minutes yesterday. So, this isn't normal for her to sleep that long. I ask him to ask his mom if she had both her naps yesterday and how long the naps were, but he wouldn't do it. He said that I'm selfish and being crazy just because it's his mom. So I can't win. I have a manipulative mother in law that controls her son, plays the victim, and no one cares. I cannot win. It's my child, but I'm selfish and too picky. I feel like I come second to my husband and his mom comes first. Am I wrong to feel this way?


[deleted account]

Definetly not your fault ! I totally get where you're going. And its about being selfish or picky , you just want the best for your child .

Maja - posted on 02/19/2014




I'm really sorry you are going through this. There is no such thing as being "selfish" and wanting to be with your own child. You are the mother and what you say goes. Your husband should support you on this and tell his mom to back off. I think you need to start with your husband and make it very clear what you want, how you feel and he needs to step up and make his own family (you and your daughter) priority. How his mother feels with all of this is completely irrelevant. If he wants a happy and healthy wife and daughter then he should put more effort into it. He should care and be 100% on your side. The happiness of your family and life together should never be compromised or affected by somebody else. Especially not under those circumstances.
I think you need to be direct and explain how you feel. No compromises! Good luck!


View replies by

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms