Erin - posted on 12/06/2010 ( 9 moms have responded )
I've read so many MIL horror stories that I thought I'd share my positive one.
At this point in time, I am undergoing counseling to recreate the relationship with my sister. She is younger, but I have been appeasing and soothing her for years, including giving her a gift during my high school graduation just so I could enjoy the moment. At my counselor's suggestion, I told my mom about how my relationship with my sister had hurt me. Her response was that my attitude would have devastated my grandma had she still been living and that I needed to look at things from my sister's perspective. The rest of the convesation was how I was not a perfect person and that I had disappointed my mom from time to time, but she still loved me. Never once did my own mom say that she was sorry I was hurting.
Last night I talked to my MIL about this. Her first response was that she hurt because I was hurting. I was past tears, but we talked about the numbness and moments of anger I was feeling. She let me know that it was just part of a grieving process. I was grieving the loss of closeness and support that I wanted with my mom. She also said that she and my FIL loved me, good points and bad. She said she loved how I am a good, supportive wife to her son and a loving mother to her grandsons (my children).
Things may get better with my mom. After all, just because she can't acknowledge my pain does not mean I'm going to stop talking to her. I just won't be that open with my feelings until my mom indicates she's ready to hear good and bad. In the meantime, I have found a support and confidante in my MIL.
Anyone else have an uplifting story about their MIL? I'd love to hear about special MILs out there.