Becky - posted on 08/02/2015 ( 4 moms have responded )
It's no secret that my MIL favors the oldest. He is only the oldest buy 1 and a half years. We made the mistake of letting them spend the night with her the other night, resulting in the youngest not feeling comfortable and he wanted to come home. She downs him any time she is around him and scolds him for things that don't need scolding. They are both her biological grandsons (they are my step, but DH and I have full custody). Their bio-mom used to favor the younger, back when custody was shared, but neither of them hear much from bio mom now that we have sole custody. Anyway, MIL has been showing favoritism, buying the oldest things, giving him money, and projecting bad characteristics on the youngest that just are not true. It's been irritating me, but I have always felt that maybe she is doing it to make up for the way biomom treated him in the past. It's also never been anything extremely profound, but it is still quite noticeable. Well, both boys now want new cell phones. They have both been asking for a nicer one, but DH and I are both nursing students on a really, really tight budget. We will graduate soon, but we just can't do this for them right now.
Yesterday MIL went out and bought the oldest, (he is 13) a brand new iPhone 6 and put it on a contract, and plans to pay for it monthly. She didn't get one for the 12 year old. When the younger one found out about this, he began to cry hysterically. MIL immediately got defensive, started showing her butt, and gas-lighting the youngest. She was saying that he didn't want one, when he had just told her the day before that he wanted one. She was so angry, and she left in a rage. I swear I think she just does these things to hurt him. The kicker? It was just the youngest one's bday 2 weeks ago, and she only gave him $20. On top of that, he asked her for $3 yesterday (before we knew about the phone) to go skating and she said "No." I didn't have any cash and DH had my bank card at work. I was even going to give the $3 back to her. She still wouldn't do it.
Now DH and I have a dilemma. We do not want him to have this phone because it is so unfair to his younger brother. However, she has put us in the position where we are the bad guys to the oldest by not letting him have what was given to him. What should we do? How do we end this?