MIL is acting ridiculous!

[deleted account] ( 3 moms have responded )

Me and my fiancé currently live with his mom. We pay her 400$ a month in rent faithfully. My current issue with this situation is that she is irresponsible, childish, and doesn't respect our wishes. I've spoke to my fiancé on several occasions about what she is doing to really push me over the edge and all he says is "Until we move just keep your mouth shut and deal with it, idk what to tell you..." And that's it. I've told him maybe if we talk to her things will change but that has yet to happen. She currently takes meds and will take so much that while my fiancé was on the road working for a month she left a pot of noodles on the stove on high FOR HOURS! I'm currently 4 months pregnant and I woke up at around 2am to pee, and could smell something on fire! The noodles were so burnt the looked like collard greens and after I turned the stove off it smelt like burnt food for about another day in the home. She also smokes cigarettes in the house which we've complained about CONSTANTLY! Also we live in a apartment and our neighbors and us don't get along they have called police to our house 2 times in the 3 months I Have lived here with them. After we tell our mother in law we don't want those same people hanging out at our house they still appear on the porch hanging out with her. Also she is a MJ smoker (I use to be myself before my pregnancy) she will have her neighbor friend (female) over here all times of the day smoking pot. In the house, on the porch etc. The friend of hers will also show up early in the morning as 8:30-9:00 on a SUNDAY when me and my fiancé are asleep. Our dogs (2 Pitbulls and 1 Pomeranian) will bark like crazy until we answer the door after that they will proceed to conversate in front of our window (where the porch is) until we can no longer try to sleep. Its gotten to the point where also she will talk to his ex's frequently about us and how we are doing when its none of their concern in my opinion. Someone please help me, I need major advice, before I throw a major bitch fit. As much as I want to move my fiancé swears its just where we live and if we ALL move things will change. He's not getting the fact that I no longer want to live with his mother. I have no idea to say it without hurting him and if we don't move soon how do I cope with things?

Sincerely,,
Prego and GOING CRAZY ABOUT MY MIL!!!!!

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Michelle - posted on 10/28/2015

3,930

8

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Unfortunately if you are living in her home you can't control how she chooses to live her life. Mind you, you can even do that if you aren't living with her.
I think you need to have a talk with your partner and let him know that you and him need to move out and live as a family, not with his Mother. You need to make it clear to him, not let him think you are talking about all of you moving.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 10/28/2015

13,264

21

2015

Well, here's the deal. YOU don't own the house. SHE does. Therefore, you cannot dictate how she lives in her home.

Personally, I'd say if you don't like your situation, change it. You cannot dictate to her whom her friends should be, who can/cannot come to HER home, nor what time she can receive visitors (again, in HER home). Examples: "She smokes cigarettes in the house, which we've complained about constantly"...well, my grandmother once told me (as I complained about HER house being smoke infested and gross) "This is MY home. I've paid for it, and everything in it. YOU don't have to visit, and you don't live here or contribute to expenses, so if you don't mind, what I do in MY home is MY business." Granted, you do pay rent, but that makes you a tenant, not an owner, and subject to the policies of the owner.

Example 2: "we live in a apartment and our neighbors and us don't get along they have called police to our house 2 times in the 3 months I Have lived here with them." If the neighbors have reason to complain, then they will. If it doesn't bother the homeowner to have a frequent visit from police, then that is their option. If you don't like it...change your situation. Personally, I'm wondering if the frequency of the calls to the cops has increased since you moved in...and if so, wonder what changed when you moved in.

Example 3: "After we tell our mother in law we don't want those same people hanging out at our house they still appear on the porch hanging out with her." Um...again, HER house, HER friends, and no room for you to dictate.

Example 4: " Also she is a MJ smoker (I use to be myself before my pregnancy) she will have her neighbor friend (female) over here all times of the day smoking pot. In the house, on the porch etc. The friend of hers will also show up early in the morning as 8:30-9:00 on a SUNDAY when me and my fiancé are asleep. Our dogs (2 Pitbulls and 1 Pomeranian) will bark like crazy until we answer the door after that they will proceed to conversate in front of our window (where the porch is) until we can no longer try to sleep." Ok, so go to bed earlier! You're about to have a kid, BTW...sleeping in will probably NOT be an option once the baby is born. Get used to early mornings, hon...I'm going to point out here again how you cannot dictate how one lives in their own home, nor who they decide to associate with. As far as her being a cannabis smoker, again, HER choice.

Bottom line: You and your fiance need to get your ducks in a row and quit living with his mother. Its quite obvious that you're unhappy, you don't realize that you cannot dictate how others live, no matter how much you may want to, and that, even if you're paying rent, that doesn't mean the landlord will allow you to make demands upon them. I get that you're pregnant, and this is upsetting you, but YOU need to make the moves to CHANGE your living arrangements. If momma's boy can't wrap his head around being an adult, I'm sorry for you. He may need some tough love from you to get the picture.

Do you have the means to support yourselves? If you're already paying rent, it would seem that you do...so do something about it!

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