MIL making my children guilt trip me into attending church!

Constance - posted on 01/05/2014 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My husband and I have been married 10 years. Neither of us attend church or any other religious gatherings. We allow our 5 and 8 year old sons to attend with his mom/step-dad because they chose to. And we have explained to them that when they feel they don't want to go anymore, they are not obligated to.

His mother and step-dad attend church, gatherings, dinners, etc. Everything they do is with their church. Before our children were born they would try to convince us over and over again, but we declined. The convincing stopped for a few years much to our happiness.

Now that my children are 8 and 5, they have started using our children to convince us to go. At first, it was little comments my MIL would make that would entice our older child to 'talk us' into going. We politely declined again. Well then it got to the point that he was asking us every week and I finally sat down with him. We had a talk and I explained to him that it was great that he goes to church and enjoys it. But that other people make the choice not to and it's not fair to beg/convince them to go. That other people don't have the same beliefs as him. He understood and we've had no more incidents.

Well today, my 5 year old calls me from next door (my in-laws home) and asks me in a sad voice, 'mommy, why don't you go to church with us? you should come, they are having dinner.' I tell him that I'm spending the day at home but if he would like to come home, he could. Well in a sad voice he says, 'ok' and hangs up.

Meanwhile, throughout the whole conversation, I could hear my mother in law and her husband talking to him in the background, telling him what to say.

This really upsets me and frankly, I'm sick and tired of it. I've tried making subtle but polite statements about me not wanting to go to church. She should respect my decision and move on. I'm to the point now, that if she does this again, I'm not going to bite my tongue any longer and she'll get her feelings hurt.

It makes me feel 2 inches tall when she does this and I'm forced to tell my children no. I'm not going to church and be a hypocrite.

2 Comments

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Michelle - posted on 01/05/2014

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You need to talk to her without the children around. Let her know that your children aren't to be used as her messenger and if she has something to say to you then she needs to say it to your face.
It's not fair on the children to be used this way.
Tell her that she is welcome to take the children to church but if the comments and begging continue you will stop them from going with her. They are your children and you have every right to parent them the way you want.

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