Military family move, can ex stop me?

Mrs. - posted on 11/23/2013 ( 9 moms have responded )

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My husband is in the Navy stationed in VA. I want to relocate with my two children from a previous relationship ages 13 and 5 from NY. My 13 year old wants to move and told his father that. We are expecting a baby any day now.

I was never legally married to him. He sees the children every other weekend and pays child support. We have a financial agreement out of court and visitation we had both agreed to 3 years ago. I spoke to him regarding a move and at first he was willing to work with me. Then he went to court and filed for custody of my children!

I retained a lawyer and am now waiting for a court date 3 months from now losing my mind! :( Would the court say we cannot move out of state to be a family in VA?

9 Comments

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Ev - posted on 12/29/2014

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To go along with the others words expect for the first poster, if you two had an agreement you made between you out of court, was it signed by the judge as he or she agreed to it. Because other agreements made without the judge's okay like that are not worth the paper they are written on. Also, if dad has taken this to court, then he is worried about his time with his children. It might not be possible for him to come down for weekend visits 2x a month and to get them on holidays because of his job's requirements. You just can not assume the other parent is going to be willing to let the kids move that far away from them because mom or dad makes the move for various types of reasons. Its best to talk to the lawyers in your state and see what can be done. I am not saying the judge will not allow the move but if dad is adamant about not wanting them to leave, the judge may give him custody.

Rachel - posted on 12/29/2014

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Hi, I was so curious to know the outcome. I'm 8 the very same spot. But my fiance is moving to Germany. ...my goodness I don't think I've ever faced such a tough situation.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/14/2014

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@ Brenda Rhee: Custody is no longer more favorable for the mother. Please get updated.

Courts will look at the WHOLE situation, whether the move would make it a hardship for dad to see and foster a relationship with the kids, whether the kids want the move, etc. and decide in a manner that they feel is best for all involved. That doesn't necessarily mean a move would be not allowed, but custody arrangements may change due to the move.

Nakato - posted on 01/14/2014

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I am going through the exact same thing. I recently married a man in the military and ihave a child from previous relationship( never married) and I want to move to TN with my daughter to live with my husband. We currently have joint custody and he is very active in her life. I know he won't agree to me moving that far with my daughter but i want to try. I am worried that the courts will say no.

Jodi - posted on 11/23/2013

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If your new situation means that their father has a changed visitation arrangement because of your move, you may very well lose that argument. There are so many factors that have to be considered that I would strongly recommend legal advice.

Michelle - posted on 11/23/2013

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It's still best to get it all in writing. If their Father has started court proceedings then that's the way you have to go.
It all depends on the judge you get on the day really.
Sorry but I'm in Australia so have no idea how far away you are moving.

Michelle - posted on 11/23/2013

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We can't guess what is going to happen in court but it's always wise to have custody agreements in writing.
Do you think it's fair on the children to take them away from their Father just because you have married someone who is in another state? In my opinion, the courts could prevent you from moving since they have a relationship with their Dad.

Brenda - posted on 11/23/2013

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I'm sorry I can't share expert/accurate info. about this, but can share what I think might be the answer to ur question.
I don't think your ex alone can stop you, but even though u 2 were never legally married, I don't think that really matters I'm sorry to say. Altho' usually custody is favored towards the mom, especially w/your older one being able to state his preference in court, but how about your 5 year old? I'm sure that makes it a lot more tough since 5 year olds want both their mommy and daddy. Since your ex is the biological father to both and you both have a legal agreement from the past, & sounds like he is involved in their life and paying child support, etc,..almost sounds like you 2 have joint custody w/u being the primary? I would try talking to him again to work something out making sure he doesn't turn on you after agreeing on the move & then suddenly taking you to court & use it against u saying that u just took the kids w/o his knowledge for example..I'd be careful about that. I'm sure it must be so tough on u, but please try not to over stress for the sake of your unborn baby...if he wants to take care of it legally, then do so,..best thing would be to talk to your lawyer about it. It's a different story if he wasn't involved in his children's life & didn't pay child support, but since u have a legal agreement, I would stick to that route and avoid any unnecessary trouble or stress. Sorry if I'm not much help, but wanted to support you! Good luck!

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