Ericha - posted on 05/24/2014 ( 2 moms have responded )
I miss my son Matthew with every beat of my heart and every breath I take. He was my only child and left me at 23 years old, I'm now 52 and he would have turned 30 this year. Every smile upon my face and every ounce of joy I am able to feel makes me horribly sick with guilt for still having a life while his was stolen from him. People have said live for Matthew he would not want you to be sad. Matthew is gone and I know how much he wanted to live. What does it matter what he wanted he is dead. I feel so dead inside every thing in life is just blah to me.there is no god that I can pray to, I'm a Buddhist and so was my son. My son once told his girlfriend that suicide is just weak. I think that is the only reason I'm still here. I'm not weak, but I know that I am broken and damaged and there is no cure. Thanks for reading this.