Missing Matthew

Ericha - posted on 05/24/2014 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I miss my son Matthew with every beat of my heart and every breath I take. He was my only child and left me at 23 years old, I'm now 52 and he would have turned 30 this year. Every smile upon my face and every ounce of joy I am able to feel makes me horribly sick with guilt for still having a life while his was stolen from him. People have said live for Matthew he would not want you to be sad. Matthew is gone and I know how much he wanted to live. What does it matter what he wanted he is dead. I feel so dead inside every thing in life is just blah to me.there is no god that I can pray to, I'm a Buddhist and so was my son. My son once told his girlfriend that suicide is just weak. I think that is the only reason I'm still here. I'm not weak, but I know that I am broken and damaged and there is no cure. Thanks for reading this.

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Ericha - posted on 07/27/2014

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Thank you for responding to my post. When I am at my worst, I now think of what you wrote and it helps.

Amanda - posted on 05/24/2014

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I couldn't imagine the depths of your sorrow, to lose a child is a mother's worst nightmare. You should know that though his time on earth has ended yours has not. You are here for a reason, find your inner strength and stand tall. And when you want to cry, cry. When you miss him, talk to him. But don't stop living, you would not be here if you weren't destined to be. Our religions may differ but we are both mothers and my heart aches for you, I also believe in you and your future.

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