mom and fiancé at odds when it comes to parenting

Jennifer Renee - posted on 10/21/2016 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Hey I'm a new mom of a one month old..... currently me and my fiance are living our parents until we find our own place for us and the baby.....right now the baby is with me and my parents....in the beginning my fiancé was coming over in the morning before work and also coming over after work at night to see the baby....well everything was good until he felt like my mom was taking over....one night he had enough and said that he is not coming over my house anymore.....and that I will have to bring the baby to his folks house In order for him to see the baby....now I'm still in recovery from a c section and still off work.....I really hate this feud between my mom and fiancé and i dont know what to do....what sticks In my mind is that I want him to see the baby and he has gone days without seeing her...I don't know what to do to resolve this..advice?

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Ev - posted on 10/22/2016

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What I do not get is that you two are living with parents still, decided to have a child which it seems you were not fiancially able to support without living with someone parents or not, and have not tried to get your own place.

Jodi - posted on 10/21/2016

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But you are living in her home and he is still acting like a petulant child. 9 years or not, that is the situation. He is still making it about him. You have both made a choice for you to live in your mother's home. Perhaps you both need to find a way to get your own place if this is the case. But for him to choose not to have a relationship with his child due to you living with your mother (a situation in which HE is part of that decision), he is just being a complete ass and needs to grow up. THAT isn't what a good man does.

Instead, the two of you need to have a discussion with your mum about boundaries. A respectful discussion. An ADULT discussion. But the way he is handling this is childish and selfish.

Jennifer Renee - posted on 10/21/2016

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I forgot to mention that we have been together for 9 yrs....and that even before the baby my mom has done some things that made him feel like he wasn't welcomed in the family.....im not aure why i havent giving her any reason for her not to like him when we got engaged it took her 3 days to say congratulations to us.....a good man....he has done a lot for me....yes there are times where she is controlling....I am trying to move out I just gotta get myself situated first...

Jodi - posted on 10/21/2016

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Your fiance is being a selfish ass. You need to tell him that until the two of you can support the baby without your parents, he needs to find a way to coem to terms with how things are right now. If you both feel your mother is too controlling (and it sounds like it is only him that feels this way) then perhaps you need to move out. But at the moment, it is what it is, and he needs to grow the fuck up. He is acting like a petulant child. This shouldn't be about him but about the baby.

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