Mom can't handle 16 year old son so insisting father take him!

Missy - posted on 06/04/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I need some advice from moms out there! I am a 45 year old woman engaged to a man with 2 sons (both of whom primarily reside with their mother a few miles away from us). I chose not to have children of my own because, honestly, I always wanted to do what I wanted, spend my money on what I wanted, not have to monitor my behavior in my home, etc. I always liked other people's children though ;-) So, over the past few years, the youngest son has gotten more and more defiant, not following his mothers rules, not doing homework, won't get up in the morning, won't go to school, close to flunking 10th grade, etc...you get the idea. It has been very apparent to me that both she and his dad (my fiance) never follow through on consequences. They threaten certain actions and NEVER do these actions come to fruition. He somehow manages to manipulate the situation and act in such despair that they back out of every consequence. Just the other day, the mother texted my fiance and said that she was kicking him out of the house and that she insisted that he come live with us. We've discussed it and, as you can imagine, there are quite a few fears, concerns on my part. My fiance does not handle stress well and takes it out on me because of it. I have a feeling this is going to be a daily challenge/stressor in his life and I'm terrified of my life becoming miserable and my new house, that i haven't even moved into, becoming chaotic and unbearable. Since it is illegal to kick a minor out of the house, is his ex wife manipulating us into taking him by saying she is going to kick him out? He, the son, doesn't necessarily want to come live with us anyway but my fiance said he can't turn his exwife down if she insists on it. WTH?

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Jodi - posted on 06/04/2013

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Well, the child DOES have two parents, not just one, so as long as he has the other parent to go to, I'd hardly think it would be illegal for her to ask him to leave and come and live with his father. Your fiance is one of the parents, so she is absolutely within her rights to ask him to take on the responsibility. Why is it her responsibility to have him live with her? The chances are, it is extremely stressful for her and she may need a break from it for a while.

I understand that you have opted not to have children, and that this may create chaos in your life, BUT you did choose to make a life with a man who had children. I ask you this....what if something happened to his ex? Think about it. When you take on a man with children, you also take on the possibilities that come with it, and that includes the possibility that the children may end up having to live with him for whatever reason that may be.

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