Paula - posted on 06/21/2011 ( 7 moms have responded )
Hello, i need help, i am coming unglued and reacting wrongly (i know) to my daughter who lies and then says we are wrong. My situation is that i have remarried after being with my partner for 6 years, she calls him dad and he treats her as his own daughter, she sees her biological dad once a week. She is intelligent, active, creative and strong willed, all of which i show appreciation and love for. At the beginning of my relationship when she was about 5 years old, she blatantly told us that she would break up the relaitonship. it was a big struggle but we overcame that hurdle, i know (think?) that she genuinely loves her step-dad and we never exclude her from anything (unlike her real dad). She has always been a great story-teller and people are amazed at how eloquent she is. She has always been around adults since she is the only child and we run a restaurant, after a while whe restricted her presence in the restaurant because i thought she was becoming a bit precocious. I must say that i do rant and rave because, as i tell her i am soft on her when she is on the right path and will raise hell when she knowingly does things that are against what we speak of. i talk to her all the time and just yesterday i took her for a gilrs day out and had a little chat about telling stories (lies) about 10 mins later she was caught in a lie. i do curse sometimes and tell her i cannot deal with it and will put her in a home if she continues with the lying ( i know i am going to get hung out dry for that) but i get so desperate and think that i need to apply tough love. i try soft love all the time but the mometn i realise she is doing the same thing i get so hurt that i lash out (verbally not physically). i feel so guilty that the circle just goes round and round. my hisband and i have even talked about him going away for a while (he is british but we live in the caribbean he is 65 and i am 43 so we are not young parents) i know that sounds ridiculous but i am at my wits end with worry that she has some problem (we have mental illness in our family) i even ask her if something is wrong in her head. (sorry) I am also very paranoid about that fact. please read this and try to be objective, i know that i am doing some things wrong but i don't have a guide-book for raising my only child that i love dearly. Asking for help.