MOM NEEDING ADVISE WITH ABUSE

MOMMY - posted on 12/15/2014 ( 9 moms have responded )

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OK ME AND MY FIANCE HAS BEEN TOGETHER FOR 4 YEARS. i AM AT THE POINT IN MY LIFE I NEED A CHANGE. HE HAS CALLED MY CHILDREN NAMES PULLED THERE HAIR OR EARS TO GET THERE ATTENTION. HE HAS LEFT BRUISES WITH THE BELT ON THERE BOTTOMS. HE HAS CALLED ME A CHILD AND ALWAYS ASK WHY ACT THE WAY I DO WHEN I GET UPSET WITH HIM AND LEAVE THE ROOM. HE IS ONLY MEAN TO MY GIRLS. I NEED HELP I AM AT THE POINT IN THIS THAT I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE. I LOVE HIM ALOT AND HE IS A GREAT FATHER WHEN HE WANTS TO BE ESPECIALLY TO OUR SON. AND I WANT TO TURN HIM IN I AM JUST AFFRAID OF WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF I DO.

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Bethany - posted on 12/15/2014

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Regardless of your love for him, the safety of your kids come first. If him loosing it all is what it takes for him to realize the harm he is doing, then thats what it takes. You need to get yourself and those kids out of that mess now. I just had a similar situation happen in my family and I was the aunt that had to step up and tell someone my nephew had bruises from his moms boyfriend because his mom didn't want to risk him getting into trouble. If anyone, family or school wise, were to see the bruises or abuse the last thing you want is for it to fall back on you and you loose your children because you didnt get them out of there. Abuse gets worse, you don't want to loose them forever because someone can't keep their hands off of them. Best of luck to you, and prayers for your safety.

Mommabird - posted on 12/15/2014

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I dont know how old your children are that are being spanked with a belt but if he is leaving bruises you need to take photos with the date. Its good that you told the principal and hopefully the children being abused can talk to the school counselor during this. Also I hope you have somewhere safe to go, or at least until he leaves and you can get a protective order so he cant come to the home or the school until further action is taken. Lastly, once you take action to prevent him from being able to abuse you or the children maybe he will get professional help. Maybe it will be a wake up call for him and he realizes what kind of damage he's done.

Michelle - posted on 12/15/2014

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I agree with Dove, he's not a good Father.
You have done the right thing by reporting him, there is no excuse for abuse.

Dove - posted on 12/15/2014

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Sorry... just read your response. Good for you for finally taking that first step.

Dove - posted on 12/15/2014

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He's not a good father. Any man leave a bruise on my kid and their butt would be in jail the FIRST time. Stop making excuses for him and letting him assault your children. They need you to stand up and protect them.

Michelle - posted on 12/15/2014

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Good for you! I know it is hard, but telling the principal was the right thing to do. He and the teachers are mandated reporters, so they should have contacted CPS. (But in case they didn't, make sure you do get help for you and your children!) Make sure to take pictures and document EVERYTHING.

Good luck!

MOMMY - posted on 12/15/2014

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WELL ACTUALLY I HAVE TAKEN IT A STEP MORE HE SPANKED OUR DAUGHTER LAST NIGHT WITH A BELT AND LEFT BRUISES. I DROPPED THE KIDS OFF AT SCHOOL THIS MORNING AND TALKED TO THE PRINCIPAL AND OTHERS AND CALLED THE ABUSE HOTLINE. I JUST CANT DO IT ANYMORE. I AM TIRED AND I CANT STAND TO SEE MY CHILDREN TO BE HURT SO THE NEXT STEP IS TO GET HIM OUT IF I CAN.

Michelle - posted on 12/15/2014

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I am sorry to hear about this. I just left an abusive relationship, and while I was in it, I didn't even recognize it (or it could just have been denial).

Your daughters, I assume, are from a different relationship. "He is a great father when he wants to be especially to our son." This line, among others, concerns me, as it should you. First of all, you need to keep your children and yourself safe. Go to a shelter. Call a domestic violence support line. I think there are domestic violence resources on this site if you go to the home page. There, they can guide you on what to do next.

Legally, however, just so I'm not leading you to think this is an "easy" road, without proof, he will probably still get access (visitation/shared custody) to the son (and any other children) you both share.

There is legal counsel for those in domestic violence situations, so look into that.

Good luck!

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