Mom obsessed with daughter boyfriend

Matt - posted on 03/02/2016 ( 5 moms have responded )




Hi, my name is Matt. Yes I am a man. I am looking for any advice the community can offer me. My lovely 12 year old daughter is dating a boy, his name is Louis. I am not fond of my daughter dating so young, it is more of a friendship than anything. Now to the dilemma I am facing. My wife has started to obsess or Louis, she allows him to stay at our house until 0800 on school nights. My wife also face times with him until late hours 1030 also on school nights. I have expressed my concern over her talking with him so late at night. My daughter knows and dosnt care. When asked about it she explains he is just a sweet boy and she likes him for our daughter. She constantly talks about him and gets defensive when I point it out. My wife has started to allow things she never would have done before, my daughter dying her hair and getting cartilage piercing. I have suggested we go see a marriage counselor, because maybe this stems from some problems with me. I am confused and looking for some advise. Should I just remain patient and hope for the best, or should I take a larger role in this matter. Thank you for your time!


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Sarah - posted on 03/02/2016




Good idea, but I agree that in addition to counseling you need to set some limits regarding dating at 12. That is very young to even consider a romantic relationship.

Raye - posted on 03/02/2016




If you and your wife are not on the same page with parenting your child, then you should look into counseling. One partner should not dismiss the concerns of the other. Her behavior does not sound healthy.

Lisa - posted on 03/02/2016




Hi Matt
You are on the right track. Family counseling, or marriage counseling is a really good first step. Especially if you have shared your concern with her and she dismisses it. Your intuition is telling you there is something off here and the sooner you deal with it, and help your wife deal with it the less impact her actions will have.

You mentioned problems with you. When you see the counselor, let him know in the presence of your wife that you have things to work on too, that may break down the wall and allow her to process her own stuff too.

If this is the first "friendship" that your daughter has had, it may be that your wife is seeking to explore this new phase of parenting a teenager. But boundaries are very necessary and appropriate. Maybe your wife needs to have a better understanding of those boundaries that are necessary.

We all need to fine tune our behavior, our thinking and our understanding. This is one of those opportunities for your wife. Maybe a objective 3rd party will make that easier. Here is a website where you might find good advice:

Dove - posted on 03/02/2016




A 12 year old has no business having a boyfriend... and if I was that boy's mother (which I wouldn't be since my 12 year old of any gender would not be dating... but if I WERE)... I would likely be looking into pressing some sort of charges against your wife for her odd obsession w/ my child.

If this is legit... your wife needs some serious therapy and if she refuses to get it... I would be telling this boy's parents about the situation and let them block her from contacting him from this point on.

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