Mom of pre-teen daughter with high functioning autism

Melanie - posted on 12/10/2015 ( 5 moms have responded )

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Looking for other moms for support. Daughter is obsessed with technology and her friends but will not do chores, homework or study.

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Raye - posted on 12/10/2015

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Dealing with discipline and autism can be one of the most difficult dilemmas a parent can face. Even special needs children need to learn to be accountable for their responsibilities around the house and in life in general. Doing household chores teaches your child life skills and fosters independence. Education and homework are must-do's for all kids. Their decision to not do things they don't like should still have consequences.

Make sure the child understands that the punishment is a direct result of her actions. You should be quick and consistent when disciplining your child, so she can make the connection that the behavior is bad, and that every time she exhibits bad behavior there will be consequences. You may have to be creative with consequences, as things that work for other children may not work for your autistic child. When you try a new approach, give it some time to see if it will work before switching to something else. Sometimes a workable solution may meet with initial resistance by the child, but end up being a good resolution. If you switch punishments too frequently, it may cause confusion for the child and create more of a power struggle. But eventually, if the consequence is still not working, you need to find something that will.

Sarah - posted on 12/10/2015

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She probably is, my nephew is very savvy at manipulating parents. give her this list of expectations, and keep it short; three or four simple tasks. Then tell her you are available for questions. For every hour she delays she loses an extra hour of technology, when she can demonstrate tasks are completed, then praise and return electronics. My nephew does much better with lots of prep work:
-Night before:Tomorrow is trash day, your job is to take the bags to the cans and and the cans to the curb.
-Early AM:
Aiden remember tonight you must take out the trash, it will be bagged by the door.
-After school: Aiden you have until 8 pm to take the trash out, at that time I will take your phone.
-6 pm Aiden two hours left, why don't you do it now so you can forget about it?
-8p pm Last call for trash either come and do it or bring me your phone.
Now Aiden LOVES his phone, so my sis knows that is the ultimate bargaining chip. If she were just to say, take out the trash now or I get your phone; he'd have a huge meltdown. With lots of gentle reminding she gets him to comply. God bless her.

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Sarah - posted on 12/10/2015

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I wish it were my advice! I am a school nurse and I often turn to my sister (mother of two ASD kids) for advice. She is a wizard at getting her kids to do homework, chores, be polite when company is present....you name it.

Melanie - posted on 12/10/2015

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Oh my gosh, I LOVE your response. I'm going to definitely do this...sounds like my daughter, Stasia and Aiden are alike. She too LOVES her phone...it's almost permanently attached:) Thank you so much Sara! Have a blessed day!!!!

Melanie - posted on 12/10/2015

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Thank you so much Raye. She's really a great kiddo...it's just she uses her autism to try to get out of things...At school, her teachers say that she's a very hard worker and has minimal meltdowns. But at home, she "acts" as if she doesn't even know "how" to do the homework, says it's too hard, starts crying and shuts me out. She has all A's at school. I think she's "playing me" sometimes.

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