Mom`s who complain about their baby fathers, yet refuse to take them to court.

Melissa - posted on 08/28/2012 ( 22 moms have responded )

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Is it just me, but recently I have noticed how irritated I get when I hear women complain about their baby fathers lack of child support or otherwise, yet they refuse to take them to court.

Unless for reasons that the father of child is an abusive man who threatens the security of the child or mother - I don`t get it otherwise!

I finally took my ex to court, Once my daughter was 6 months old I started the process and am feeling so empowered now that I see the income of child support he is paying and the participation he has had to own up to in her life.

Because it took all the courage and moving past my own reasons and advocating for my child's rights, I understand now the importance!



I am speaking about women who REFUSE to take men to court - not ones who have made the attempt and didn't get child support in the end because the man didn't pay.



My annoyance is people who complain yet do nothing about it.

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Brenda - posted on 08/29/2012

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There are also alot of deadbeat mothers out there. What irritates me is women who always say its the deadbeat dads. There are alot of deadbeat mothers out there as well. My husband and i have four kids and three of those kids are my step kids and yes they all live with us. My husband has had them in his care since they were babies and the two older ones are ten and eleven. When they need something we pay for it. She gives us next to nothing every month for child support. We really should be saying dead beat parents.

Dove - posted on 08/29/2012

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Kids don't benefit when they get screwed over by their fathers any more than they benefit getting screwed over by their mothers.....

Juliannemarie - posted on 08/28/2012

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My dad owes $960,000 for 4 kids. He just didn't pay it. Not much you can do when you take the deadbeats to court and they just don't pay it.

Gale - posted on 08/28/2012

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Well my dad was and still is a con man! He's smart he has money stashed everywhere but he very careful how much he keeps in the bank. He also has many many bank accounts so when my mom took him to court they came back and told her he has no money but here the think he can pull up with 25, 000 000.00 in a day. No some men are very good at hiding money. What do you do then? My mom spent years, years paying off the debt my father left us while raising 4 kids all from the same dad going to school working and let's add that I'm hard of hearing and my oldest brother is ADD and borderline and suicidal. Sometime the only thing they can do is complain but even that help, keeps then sane a little while long, helps them go on because in the end all we got is the parent that chosen to stick but us think and thin.

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22 Comments

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Jackie - posted on 08/29/2012

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I have to agree that it's there ignorance in this case but I've noticed that they are usually at fault in someway in their Childs life like using their kids as a pawn and if they take them to court then they will be forced to obey the parental time and takes the power out of their hands aka their pawn and it's one of the worse wrongs they can do to the innocent children for whatever their pathetic reasons are, children are not pawns their lives are not a game! That's just what I've been observing it's really sad.

Tracy - posted on 08/29/2012

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Everyone has their reasons and dont always want to share that with everyone but not receiving any help with costs of their upbringing is frustrating and sometimes brakes you down so you have a sound off to anyone who will listen! Stop judging others and worry about your own life is my advice x

Sarah - posted on 08/29/2012

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In defense of most women, and men, I've spoken with in response to custody, visitation, or support; they often do not understand they have options and/or are intimidated by the court system. I am lucky in that I have an uncle who helped me, and my daughter's father. I've had friends that didn't have a clue where to start and, even when pointed in the correct direction, were too wary of what she would have to give up, pertaining to rights or visitation, if she pursued support. My stepson wasn't put on his child's birth certificate and has to get a DNA test to get court appointed visitation and the baby's mother still complains if he doesn't pay support. He does help when able, but she still refuses to put his name on it. She, instead, put a boyfriend about a year later. He, understandably, feels he has no option until he can afford the test. And that's only if she'll let him see the child to get a sample of his DNA.

I understand your point, but I also see the other side. It always depends on the parent and/or their finances.

Jodi - posted on 08/29/2012

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Oh, and in some countries, the court doesn't decide the child support. This isn't just a US site.

Dove - posted on 08/29/2012

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WHY do people keep changing their posts when I've responded to them?! So infuriating... and lame, definitely lame. @@

Jodi - posted on 08/29/2012

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Doesn't it cost a lot of money to take the situation to court? Money you have to pay up front? Maybe that is a factor?

Sarah - posted on 08/29/2012

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For those who received "Sarah thinks your response is funny," I accidentally hit it while scrolling through. I am not making light of any of you for responding. I'm sorry!

Zandi - posted on 08/29/2012

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Pple neva kno the ins and outs of any relationship except the pple involved. me as a single mother realized it was for my own sanity and self progression to NOT waste my energy going to courts to force a grown man to take care of his child. he has some sort of relationship with her and as far as his financial support sometimes u get a handout that will cause u more problems than assistance. as far as being with a person prior to the pregnancy nobody ever knows whay these men lead you to believe when your dating. me for eg. he was great until the day i told him i was pregnant and disappeared immediately for months! God is Good and he dont like ugly. he will watch over his young ones if you let him and ive been blessed in my journey. dont judge until u have facts is the bottom line.

Jane - posted on 08/29/2012

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I do agree with you. I just wish that, in this country, we could take them to court!! We have a government agency who are supposed to get child support from the absent parent (can be mum or dad) and pass it on to the custodial parent, but they only work if the custodial parent is claiming income support or other government benefit - i.e. if you are working and not claiming any benefits then tough! The only way they will do tha is if you know exactly where the absentee parent lives, works, what their National Insurance number is, etc. And if THEY are claiming unemployment or other benefit, they can only have a maximum of £5 per week taken off them for child support and then if they have children to more than one woman, that meagre amount is split between them!



We can't actually take them to court unless we were married to them. We can bring a private court case, but that costs an absolute fortune! So you either have to have no money at all but be getting it from the government or have loads of money so you can take them to court!



Hey ho - that's the UK for you!!!

Tinika - posted on 08/29/2012

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Melissa you mention child support so I responded to child support. So my response was center around that. Now if you talking about vistation I personally refuse to go for that, and i don't complain about it either. I will not force a man to see my child if he don't want to.

Gale - posted on 08/29/2012

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Sometimes you don't know! I'm watching my brother fool this girl thinking he the greatest guy in the world, don't get me wrong I love my brother and he does have a good side but to completely hide your past and pretend to be who your not, not everyone know who the guy fully is. People think m dad the greatest guy in the world and are shock that I would say these things my mom thought the same things at one point but the truth does come out and when those people come back to me upset that my dad con them? That a con artist they are good at making people like them, but bad at keeping relationships.

KATRINA - posted on 08/29/2012

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Please don't misunderstand me! I am in nooooo way negative nor wasting my time or energy on a worthless undeserving human being! My children have wonderful fathers who love and fight for them! And I provide more than well for my children! I was just expressing an opinion...thats all! I have no need to go around bad mouthing people...time will do that on its own! People arent blind! And cllearly see who is lying and who is not,who's character is shady and who's is not! But I do have a right to an opinion...so sorry if it doesnt match yours.

Zenaida - posted on 08/29/2012

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it is crazy! you know what you were dealing with before you got pregnant. talking negative about the father of your child only makes you look like a fool because u got pregnant by the Guy and also your allowing this man to take your energy and be negative. if going to court is not worth your time and energy then why is he worth your time and energy. I have three kids, my 16yr olds father was killed when he was 3 now my son will never know his dad. sometimes you need to be grateful to have him in your child's life. besides my oldest I have two other children. 2yrs and 10 months. I make sure my baby's have what they need.

KATRINA - posted on 08/29/2012

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Totally! But i say u have every right to complain about deadbeat dads! Everyone in the community should know who and what they are! If they wanted rights or to b apart of the childs life...they could just as easily file to a court! Sometimes it isn't worth the abuse the mother will have to suffer from friends, family, and the loser father himself, to file! But she still has every right to voice her frustrations!

Dove - posted on 08/29/2012

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And I see you've conveniently added a line to your op now.... in which case I will delete my first response and edit my second.

Dove - posted on 08/29/2012

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I'm seriously glad court worked so great for you, but.... that is FAR from the realities that everyone lives. We all made our responses about money because your op clearly mentioned child support repeatedly.....

Melissa - posted on 08/29/2012

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I am unsure as to why everyone is making this about money - sometimes court is the place to go to bring consistency into the childs life. By organizing dates and schedule where father can be part of a childs life, which helps the child have both parents. Court isn't always about Money, court is also about custody matters - Access matters -

Tinika - posted on 08/29/2012

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Because sometimes going through court is not worth the headache. I waited 5 years before I finally went and only reason I went is because I had surgery and lost my job. Guess what I got $50 a month so it was a waste of time. And i had to pay $25 for child support enforcement to take him just because i wasn't on public assistance. And after avoiding court for six months and delaying it even more asking for a DNA test. Btw up until then he never denied him said he look just like him. And when I was awarded $50 it took him 3 years before he even starting paying. So that may be why women may vent and not take the deadbeat to court.

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