Nicole - posted on 08/30/2013 ( 5 moms have responded )
Crazy subject matter post, huh? I wrote in the past about problems I'm currently having with my 16 yr old. I've been the custodial parent all 16 years, his father remarried and moved to Nevada/Virginia. He moved back 2+ years ago. During his time away, he disowned his entire family for a total of 9 years! I was their only link to our 16 year old...and went far beyond for them all.
Now he's back because his grandmother passed away (2+ yrs ago) and best friend (months later). As a result he has mended relationships with his family. When I say mended, I just mean, they buried their heads in the sand and just accepted him back.
I did everything for my son, all the while maintaining a tight relationship with my ex's family. I thought I was doing a pretty good job as he excelled in school and became active in sports. He was my poster child, so proud of him! We had such an amazing bond and love....
7/13th it all changed. His father has managed to encourage/convince/manipulate him to move in his house about 25 minutes away all because he can play ice hockey for high school. The district we live in doesn't offer it. Keep in mind, however, he also plays for a team out in Mt. Laurel (1 hour 10 min away) that his father just recently encouraged him to join as well. As a result I lost $2100 for a broken contract with the team he played with for the previous 2 years that was local. So there was my first compromise. Thing is his father travels Mon - Frid....so ultimately he will be raised by his stepmother... pretty hard pill to swallow.
Both his father/stepmother have gone out of their way throughout the years to try and make my life miserable, and now they finally succeeded. He no longer talks to me, because I am the only one on his father's side of the family in opposition of his leaving to play 20 games of hs hockey and live with his step mother. Funny how quickly the family he abandoned for 9 years are now backing him up and slowly turning against me. The lies and manipulation have broken my heart and blown me away. The stepmother hates me, I've asked to sit with her through the years to discuss why, and she just states "its personal". She has been vindictive from day 1. His father continually calls me names; c*nt, narcissist, selfish, evil bit**, etc...simply because he is jealous of my relationship with our son. I know most would think I have had to do something for them to hate me, trust me I don't even know.
He blamed me for the falling out of his family for 9 years, but I didn't even know they had stopped communicating with him for 2+ years before the mother reached out to me. It's been a constant battle over the simplest things. I can't tell you how many times he has brought me to court for the most ridiculous things. For example, when our son was 10 he noticed he was calling me to often when he was out in Nevada for visits. He asked the courts to only allow 1 call per day and between 9-8 Nevada time. That's just one of the many ridiculous things I had to fight. Now, I'm forced to fight for my son to return home and attend the school he is registered in.
Be honest with me, how many mothers would just allow their son to leave to go play hs ice hockey and live with this type of step mother? Before you answer, I will add that his Mt. Laurel team practices 2 x per week at 9:20 pm yes pm. He won't be home until 11:30 pm, then he will have games every sat/sun. So really is it necessary to play hs hockey on top of this schedule. Also the travel hockey that is Mt. Laurel starts from august until feb or march. HS hockey is Oct - January and 20 games total. The schedules conflict as well.
Besides, if I agree to this what about this family, when will he see his little brother (6) and his oldest sister (19) that he's lived with their entire lives? What about me??
My son has been so alienated from me that he won't even pick up the phone. His father has been in continuous violation of our court order, and now even after losing in court yesterday when he asked for an emergent hearing to have custodial living arrangements changed and was denied, our son still says he is not coming home! He states, he wants nothing more to do with me because of all my lies, my lies???? I don't have a clue what he is talking about...I'm so broken...
Please tell me what you would do in this situation....ask any questions necessary, I really need some solid advice. BTW, I do have an attorney and even that and a court order isn't working. Does this make sense, would any one else agree to let their child just go for this reason? or fight?