Mom whose children were taken away from her in 2014

Alicia - posted on 10/07/2016 ( 16 moms have responded )

14

0

2

The post that was written by Courtney and can clearly identify myself. The ex inlaws were in conspiracy for a while since I arrived in Johannesburg and when they found out I suffered depression and was staying in a room because I could not find suitable employment they took it upon themselves to call social in and my life has been a nightmare ever since. They have also turned my children against me telling them to call me by my first name and not to call me mom. The mag never listened to much of what I said and they rode all over me. The social worker was only advocating for them, never once came to see my new place or interview me with regards to my depression except questions like "do you have a microwave"? I have only seen them for 1 hour this year in February because she always made arrangements and then would never pitch.
My children wrote a letter at school (boy 12, girl 11). It read: Mom you are a star, mom, please come back to us, mom, please fetch us, mom, we need you mom, please write back to us. I believe the social worker played all of this out to ensure they get my kids (they are unable to fall pregnant) and are buying them everything under the sun - even taking them on a helicopter ride. I went to court on 4 Oct and had to walk away because I felt the tears as they were standing with these people and would not speak but I know my children and could see they wanted to but were uncomfortable. Then the mag gives them to these people for a year - she said it is usually 2 years in SA Law but she will deviate and make it 1 year. I have been crying ever since. I did nothing wrong to them. I have had depression since 1994 when my first son was born - he is now 22. But they saw a loop hole and went for it. There is so much more but I am paining tooooo much, and I cannot stop crying. I am coming to work with no makeup and crying and wondering that now my children will forget me and be lost to me forever. I feel like a zombie inside. I want to crumble into a ball and roll away. To top it off it was 2 days before they removed them that we were playing and laughing and all that. Every now and again since they were very young (I have looked after them by myself since they were 2 and 3 as the father disappeared) they would come up to me randomly and say "mom I love you" and give me a big squeeze. All that is gone now. What do I do. I cannot carry on like this and wait for a whole year cos I know the social worker is going to stop the visits. The mag knew about their letter but failed to ask them about it like she said she would. I know this sounds paranoid but it's like they all went against me in court....nothing I said was right to them. So I walked out of court without my children and them laughing and sneering. They will not even let me see them for xmas, birthdays, or even phone them.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Ev - posted on 10/11/2016

7,253

7

909

Alicia--The reason behind my kids being gone are diffierent than yours. I did not have to deal with CPS or other agencies in this and they were never kept from me. I got the visitation of weekends, holidays and summer break as per the visitation roster and more if it could be worked out. But I expect that not having them for a couple of weeks at a time is just as hard as not at all especially at first. Since I got them off and on through the school year and on breaks, I had more access than you get. I was able to maintain that relationship and I always told them "i love you". I made myself available if they needed to talk to me. I did everything I could think of the not loose what I had with them. Your kids know the truth. They know things are as they are for a reason. If you tell them this they will understand to a point depending on ages. I am also lucky that my oldest had 7 years on the youngest and was a second mom to my youngest as they were close as well. Just keep the chin up and keep fighting for them.

16 Comments

View replies by

Alicia - posted on 10/11/2016

14

0

2

Thank you Ev, you know I cannot sleep at night - things are running through my head about the things that were ignored in court and not answered truthfully. I feel my attorney was way too soft. I just don't know how to go about this - I need to appeal in High Court but I need to get another lawyer.

Thank you for your encouraging words that they did not stop loving you. But how long were they gone for and how do you make that connection again. We were SO close and now it's like all been ripped apart.

I need all the guidance and assistance I can get but I think I must start by getting my attorney to Appeal the (1) period of one year (2) that there has been no visitation rights and that I want another social worker - although the Mag keeps refusing. I don't know....my boyfriend said I was talking in my sleep the whole night last night - fighting and tossing. I mean it's an avenue of diversity because it's the Social Worker, the Children's Attorney who have acted in contempt of court and these people who have them who have blatantly estranged me from my children. I mean to see them 1 hour since November 2014. Hugs

Ev - posted on 10/10/2016

7,253

7

909

Alicia--sorry to be so long in answering the question. My kids are adults now and we are very close. We did not have much time together so we made as much of it as quality as possible. I always was open to them so they could reach out to me if they had a need. I made the choice for there benefit. It has been 14 years. It is over for me now. The only things I have to share with dad is that he is their father and grandfather to my grandchildren. It was not easy but I made it through it. you will too. I had the same fears about the kids hating me, not loving me anymore, or blaming me for everything. I got lucky and found out that they did not hate me, blame me and still loved me.

Alicia - posted on 10/10/2016

14

0

2

I work for a construction company but most of them here are Pastors.

The one Pastor came in "out of breath now" and said he had had a vision but he wasn't quite sure what it meant but he did know that God was going to make this 12 month period shorter.

He said he had also just had a dream about Moses and God splitting the Red Sea. So I looked it up.

Have a look at this link - maybe we can all associate with it.

https://heavenawaits.wordpress.com/will-god-split-your-red-sea/

Alicia - posted on 10/10/2016

14

0

2

I have tried to tell the Mag that due to my having no vote of confidence in this social worker as she has not bothered to check up on me, help me in my situation but advocating for them but the Mag has denied that.

I am going to appeal - we have 14 days to appeal. Then I get another attorney and we go to High Court. The more and more I think about it the more things come to mind how everything was so surreal each and every time I went to court. The questions that were never answered, the conspiracy to pretend they had looked for other foster care other that where they are now and the Mag just believing all the time.

I am sure the High Court will see this - but then I must hurry to try and find a 2 bedroom accommodation of with I have asked Pay it Forward if they can find something or help me - need all the ammunition I can get because I will not lose my children. As said to Ev - I will fight this but I need all the help I can get. I have asked for my own social worker through the Department of Social Services.

Alicia - posted on 10/10/2016

14

0

2

I am sorry you are also going through this. But are your kids and you still close? Your story also pains me, even if you said you did it for the kids. It's just so sad when a Mom is not with her kids. You constantly worry "do they still think of me - do they still love me"

Yes, I am getting a different attorney for High Court. They say innocent people lose in court when they don't have the right attorney - so I hope this attorney is going to be a bull dog because when they listen to the transcripts they will see it was like a kangaroo court - I was the victim and I am not playing victim - that is the way it was.

I cried the whole time this weekend but could not wait to come back to this forum because it's like therapy for me. We are all helping each other and getting things off our chest.

Sarah - posted on 10/08/2016

8,728

0

21

Can you ask for an appeal of the case or an internal audit to be done by a separate caseworker?

Ev - posted on 10/08/2016

7,253

7

909

I am sorry you are going through this and I can feel your pain. I had to let my kids live with their dad because I made the choice and it had nothing to do with not having the right place to live or other issues other than he and his lawyer offered joint custody and him main primary care. The thing was I had enough of worrying about them being hurt more than they had already. I just thought it best for their sakes to do this. But with the services stepping in like this and you are denied to see the kids maybe it is time to get a different attorney over this. Or did you have to have one for this at all?

Alicia - posted on 10/08/2016

14

0

2

@Sarah, yes I am taking my medication as prescribed. But you know the stigma attached to people like us. And yet they should see I have had my children since they were 2 and 3 (alone when their father left). I gave birth to them. They still said my children were well grounded, honest, intelligent etc. I told them "yes, because that is the way I raised them". In one ear and out the other.

The children's attorney said they have "bonded" with these people - obviously because they think their mom doesn't care as they have never seen me except for that 1 hour. Now they send them for another year - what to "bond" further. I don't understand the SA Law system. It is a violation of my children's and my human rights to be a family.

Alicia - posted on 10/08/2016

14

0

2

@EV Witt - yes, I know there are SO many people living in rooms with babies, children, etc. I have been speaking to everybody about this and they said that if that is the case then at least 80% of Gauteng's mommies would lose their children.

I walk around now and see children walking barefoot, broken clothes, begging for food on the street and think to myself - why me? They never went through that.

You see the SW was given 2 months (they delayed the next court date to 4th Oct) to find other foster care for my children because the Mag does not want them with the Wards - she said so when she instructed the SW to find suitable people. We heard them when they went out of court before this last time conspiring by saying to each other (my children's attorney and the SW) that they must not bring the children to court because of the letter and they will be questioned - but they did. But they went further to say they would tell the Mag that the SW has searched all over, asking everybody, screening people but found no suitable people. And that is exactly what she said in court. She asked for postponement to find people but on the other hand said she does not have a pool of people. Lies and conspiracy again!

Alicia - posted on 10/08/2016

14

0

2

You see Sarah. Things were done underhandedly. My attorney picked it up. The Mag kept saying to the Social Worker "why must the mother keep on asking to see her kids - she needs to keep the bond - at least she must see them every 2nd weekend". Then when it's mentioned that I still have not seen the kids the SW deviates saying I did not pitch. Then my attorney says I did. The Mag ignores it. It's such a weird setup. During the court case I was horrified at the lies and how the Mag kept ignoring things. She would instruct the social worker to provide her with a progress report on my status (home, work) and the next court date it was never brought up. She does not want them with my ex-inlaws (this is the brother of my ex husband (he's not there father) because she heard of the guns, pedophile activities on the computer (which we saw cos he did not delete the history). The wife cannot have children. When I moved to Jozi I moved in with them not knowing why they were so generous - we stayed in the cottage. I would be in the cottage and my kids would be playing outside - one day when I went to check up on them I could not find my daughter. I knocked on their front door (which was locked) and they took long to open and when I went in asking for my daughter - they had her all wrapped in blankets in front of a fire they had made. They actually took her and locked her in the lounge behind my back. She even asked if I would carry a child for them. So they have had their eyes on my children for a while. They tried adopting but could not get it right. The SW visits them often and my attorney and I are very much certain she is claiming money from them to get the children to live with them. The social worker has never once been on my side, she lies and in court leaves out important information that I have to interrupt to let the Mag know or adds things and when you ask her dates and times she just shrugs or keeps saying "sorry", "sorry", I don't understand. So the Mag NEVER said I cannot see my kids - she wants me to but it's like not been noticed that the SW is doing this to me. As for the letter - it was mentioned in court and the Mag said she would question the children and the final date about it - she did not do this. I feel the children are afraid to talk to me in front of them. I know my children so well and could see in their face that they wanted to talk to me. My older son used to visit them but says that my children have become arrogant as they get everything they "want" not "need". Everything has been strategic on their side. I am still crying - it's breaking my heart to pieces. It's like everybody is in cahoots. I am thinking about them every single minute of the day. I know they cannot just take children away but this SW managed to do it. When I contacted the offices of CMR where she works her boss told me to just shut up when I asked her why she is letting her employee not let me see my children. The Mag at the end of the court case said to me (looking straight at me) "you have the right to appeal". She did not want my children to go back to these people but because I have no family in Jozi they had to so it was like she was giving me an option to get out of this by appealing. She read out 15 points that will show if children are in need and out of the 15 I failed on 2. No proper accommodation - must have a 2 bedroom place and no job - I have a job now that pays very little so I am looking for something that pays more so that I can get the accommodation. I mean the SW said that the children are sleeping in their own bedrooms but the house only has 2 bedrooms and my son said they are sleeping in the same bedroom. The Mag did not ask for evidence of this or question it. There is so much more that went on in court, but when I go to high court to appeal, the attorney will take the transcripts and it will be picked up when they go through how many questions were not answered, the lies (because they will pick up the discrepancies from court date to court date). I am sorry to lump this on this site but I prayed and then came across it and logged on in the hope of support and comfort.

I am SO afraid they will lose their love for me. The moment the Mag said they must be by these people for one year, my children turned around and looked at me - not them - and I felt so bad because I was crying and could not do anything to fight this outcome at that time. And then to see them sneer at me.

Sarah - posted on 10/07/2016

8,728

0

21

I am sorry for you sorrow. Why were you not given any visitation? Even if you are just boarding a room you could go spend some time with the kids? Who actually has them now? You mention someone who could not get pregnant, but that would not be your in-laws. I live in the US so I am not familiar with your laws but it does seem to not add up. Were you able to introduce the letter into the hearing?
"I went to court on 4 Oct and had to walk away because I felt the tears..." so what if your kids saw you sobbing? Are you banned from talking or touching them? I want to give you support and advice but I am having a hard time understanding the situation. Keep fighting for them, you get on your feet and then they have no reason to keep them from you. If depression was grounds to lose your kids, I'd have lost all of mine ages ago. As long as you are actively treating your illness and pose no harm to the kids that should not be a factor.

Ev - posted on 10/07/2016

7,253

7

909

I understand that you are upset that your kids are not with you and that you love them but they just do not take kids from you because you are not working or do not live in more than a one room space. I know of families that have a one room home and the kids are still there. Services do not just lie and take kids from parents for no reason at all.

Alicia - posted on 10/07/2016

14

0

2

@Ev Witt

They took them away because they found out I was not working (my boyfriend was) and we were staying in a room as we could not afford suitable accommodation yet.

I thank you for your response however but was actually looking for some encouraging words like "will my children forget me" and "what about the letter they wrote to me" and the fact that they wrote the letter behind these people's back asking me to come fetch them.

I, too, do not understand how all this conspiracy was not picked up by the Mag. My attorney is appealing at the high court and, for that matter, the social worker arranged telephonically for them to go and take my kids when I was not there in Nov on that day and time and then the SAPS would not help me when she lied about taking them and then they all went to court without letting me know. The Mag postponed telling her I need to be there and this only (court case) started in late January 2015.

Perhaps there is a professional out there who could answer my questions. I love my kids so badly and don't want to be estranged from them for so long and they forget all about me.

Alicia - posted on 10/07/2016

14

0

2

By the way, the letter was given to school friends of theirs who I approached when they walked past my work - I noticed the uniform and told them to tell my children I love them. Then I got the letter from the girls the next day. And they also told the girls to tell me they love me and they miss me. But in court it was like I was nothing to them. it's hurtful.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms