mommy in need of some help :/

Ncast95 - posted on 01/05/2016 ( 4 moms have responded )




Okay so I am currently 8 months pregnant with my second child, different father. I don't speak to him very often because nothing good ever comes out of a conversation with him. He wants to be involved in his child's life, which is good, but he's asking for many demands! He wants to name the baby, he wants to have his last name used, he wants "50/50" custody, he does not want to pay child support(which I know will happen anyway). The problem with all this is that he's had a bad past. He's a recovering alcoholic, has had problems with prescription drugs, he was also physically abused throughout his childhood and teen years and that still affects him to this day. He is a roommate with his "street brothers" and has all his stuff in a big trash bag in case he ever gets kicked out. There's really no stability on his side. We recently met up at a restaurant to talk about visitation and what we both want. My mom was there as well as one of his friends who he claims is his "witness". The conversation was recorded on both sides. Things were agreed to (i.e. he would be allowed at the birth and to sign the birth certificate) but now that I am further thinking about it I don't want him there. Labor & delivery and even postpartum is stressful enough and I don't want him there to add more stress. If we end up going to court can I get in "trouble" for going back on my word? I didn't sign any documentation stating that what was said was a FINALIZED agreement. I am going to file for sole physical and legal custody. I just want to know if anything agreed or said in the phone recording has to be abide by?


Jodi - posted on 01/05/2016




"if we end up going to court".

I am going to advise you right now to stop the coffee shop conversations and agreements and as soon as that baby is born, filing for custody, visitation and child support. They can record whatever they like, it will make no difference. It is worth talking to a lawyer ASAP and having things set up ready to go. A discussion with a lawyer may also put your mind at ease so that you are not feeling so stressed.

With regard to the name, that's your call, but I would definitely add him to the birth certificate. He is her father and leaving his name off the birth certificate just complicates things and benefits noone. You'd only be doing it to make a point to him, don't bother, it isn't worth it.

Raye - posted on 01/05/2016




Nothing is "final" or binding until it is in the form of a court order.
* You can invite him to the hospital when you go into labor, but you most certainly do not have to have him present during the delivery. He can wait in the waiting room.
* He should sign the birth certificate as the father; to leave him off would be fraud. And if you want to file for child support, you have to establish paternity anyway, so go ahead and do it the easy way. If you go the DNA test route, then he could get the BC changed to put his name as the father anyway.
* Child support could be awarded to the "residential parent" even if it's 50/50 custody, depending on the financial status of both parents and the laws where you live.
* The child does not have to have his last name, but it's up to you on whether you compromise or take the father's suggestions into consideration when naming the baby.
* If you want to file for sole custody, that's your choice. He may fight you on it, and the judge will ultimately decide on what they feel is in the best interest of the child. Usually the father is allowed some kind of visitation and you would have to make the child available to the father during those times whether he chooses to follow through or not (even if he only shows up once a month or once a year, unless you go back to court and change the orders).
* If you have any real evidence of his unstable living arrangements, you can present that to the court, but don't count on it being enough to reduce his rights as father.

Sarah - posted on 01/05/2016




Witnesses, recordings and statements from friend mean zero in the eye of the court. First, when you deliver, list him as the father (that saves you the time of a DNA test) Second, you can give that baby any name you want; yours, his or otherwise. Third, file for child support thru the court, get a legal order to garnish his wages.
You and he are equally entitled and equally obligated to support and parent this child from birth thru age 18. So he should parent and he should pay. NOTHING and I mean NOTHING is set in stone until a judge says so. No t one signal document or recording can be used; what the judge says goes-end of story.


View replies by

Ncast95 - posted on 01/05/2016




A big thank you to all of you! I'm going to be speaking with a lawyer on Friday just so I can relax and just focus on this baby coming. I'm due February 13th, but I have a crazy feeling this baby wants to come earlier!

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms