Holly - posted on 01/25/2016 ( 4 moms have responded )
Hi Moms - (Sorry it is a bit long but I wanted to provide background)
I am not a mom myself (I am 33 and an aunt) but I am in a long term relationship with a man who has three boys (4, 8, 12). We do live together and I will be their more official step parent some day. They are awesome but live out of state. We want them to visit more and they plan to. I have met their mother a few times and don't have any issues with her. We are friendly with each other but aren't friends yet as we just haven't had that time yet. I told my man that part of loving him is also loving his children and I plan to continue to do that. The kids and I get along great. They were up here over the holidays and we had a great time.
The oldest has severe asthma and nut allergies. When they were up here, he was having some asthma issues and no medication was sent with him (grandparents forgot it). I (former ER Tech) brought him with my boyfriend to the ER to get him treated as it was late at night and he was in rough shape although everyone else thought he was fine. I took incredible care of him and made sure that he took his meds for the coming days. The doctors said that my actions truly kept a bad situation form getting even worse. After we dropped them off back to his mom and step dad, I did mention to her everything that happened at the hospital, told her that included all the discharge instructions etc for her and because i had talked to the nurses gave her all that info as well. She was aware that we were taking him so it wasn't like this was surprise. My mom friend said that she would be incredibly angry if dad's new girlfriend told her about her kid, but I am just trying to give her all the info that I would want and to let her know that while her kids are with me they will be taken care of like my own. Dad was getting stuff out of the car and saying bye to the kiddos.
I do believe in respecting the parents wishes as long as it is not harming them. For example she feeds them pretty healthy, we eat incredibly healthy so there is no issue there.
My question is - I am not wanting to replace their mom nor come off that way to his ex. That is not my goal what so ever but I am also a very nurturing and loving person so some advice that I have seen is to not engage with the kids which I find to be kinda cruel. My goal is to keep my man happy, support and enjoy time with him and his kids and be a positive role model for his kids as another adult in their lives. I am asking you all as mom's when your ex gets a new girlfriend who is genuinely interested in the well being of your children, what things do you see as a helpful or things that would upset you? I am here to stay to its important that these kids have two happy families.
Thank you in advance for your feedback and advice.