moms in custody battles

Kristi - posted on 08/13/2016 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I am a hard working, single mom who just lost my daughter in a vicious custody battle. I left my ex because he was abusive to me while I was pregnant and he went on to become a psychiatrist (of all things), I would love to reach out to any mother going through a custody battle and hopefully prevent you from making the same mistakes that I have.

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Kristi - posted on 08/15/2016

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Thank you for the encouragement! I know that we will get through this and like I said, for whatever reason, I believe that I am meant to be on this journey. It just really bothers me how unfair and corrupt the courts are in custody situations. My attorney, who has been doing this for twenty years told me that the justice system has nothing to do with being fair! I really hate how my horrible, manipulative ex got away with this and now I have to pay child support for a situation that I didn't even want!

Ev - posted on 08/14/2016

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It is true, Kristi, and I agree that it happens more often now that it used to. Just for information sake, I was told by my lawyer that fathers were starting to get the primary care in custody. I also had a ad litem in my case as well. I also think she favored my ex but I could not prove it. But in the end, I could not go back to court and honestly put them through it again. It was enough dad and I split and had to do custody in the first place. I did not date or get involved or remarried again since then. I focused on my kids and for the first few years it got me through. After that I had learned a lot about my self and had learned to deal with it. Its not easy. But it can be done. Just make sure your daughter knows you are there for her, you love her and she can come to you with anything. Just doing that is going to actually, I hope, bring you two closer together. I also told my kids that they could tell me what happened at dads if they needed advice on how to handle a situation. And they did. I told them how to deal with dad and they took it from there. And now, I have the relationship I always wanted with my kids and their dad does not have what he wanted with them.

Kristi - posted on 08/14/2016

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He gets her for the school year in another state and I only get her for summers and holidays. I rarely drink, I do not do drugs and I have spent a lot of quality time with my daughter. Everybody told me that they only take children away from bad mothers. This is no longer the case. Apparently this is happening frequently to working mothers now.

Kristi - posted on 08/14/2016

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I am having a really hard time dealing with all of this rage and hate within me.

Kristi - posted on 08/14/2016

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Ev, I truly appreciate you taking the time to respond, but believe me when I tell you that what I went through was a BATTLE! This is the second time around and I got her the first time. Dad didn't even try to get her until she was eleven years old and he knew he was moving out of state. He is extremely manipulative! He had been charming and manipulating teachers and even my daughter's babysitter, who was a good friend of the family. I found out that he had been spying on us through facetime! I understand that for whatever reason this is a journey that I am meant to take, but I feel so much RAGE because of the betrayal and injustice. The guardian ad litem was so charmed by my ex and his family that she lied about my situation in court and laughed in my face. There are father's rights websites that encourage fathers to disrespect the mother and be manipulative so that they won't have to pay child support. I know that with enough prayer and meds that I will get through this, but I am having a really

Ev - posted on 08/13/2016

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Kristi--I have been in your shoes for not having the children totally with me all the time but it was a choice I made. Not one that I wanted to make at the time. I had no money to fight longer or harder for my kids to be with me and I did not have other resources either to do that. My lawyer even pointed this out to me. By the time we were to have our final appearance infront of the judge, my ex and his lawyer came up with an offer of him being primary care parent in joint custody. It was the best I was going to get because honestly, if I had fought I would have lost a lot more than what was offered on the table that day. We both agreed to it and the judge signed it off without having to go into the court room. It was not the easiest choice I made but it was the only one at the time that was feasible and gave my kids the stability that they needed in knowing that they had both parents available and that I would do anything for them. It was a long hard road over 14 years until the youngest got out of high school a year ago but I endured, the kids endured and we became closer because of the situation.

Custody is not a battle. It is the time when the situation has to be decided what is in the best interest for the kids. No matter how awful or not one parent is to the other, that does not mean he or she can not have custody. In this case we are talking about dad getting it over you. The choices you made may not have been mistakes at all, just what had been done at the time for whatever reason to make things work or not work. More fathers are getting primary care, and it is not because the mom is unfit or anything like that. It is because judges are starting to see the potential of fathers having as much good influence on the kids as the moms have. Just because he was abusive to you does not mean he will be to your child. But you have to learn to cooperate in raising her together so she can become the best person she can be. I understand how hard and hurtful it is to go through this but in the end it for the time being may be the best thing for all of you right now. Do not look at this as you having had failed, because it is not for that reason. It is just because it is how it worked out.

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