Money, love, and spirituality

Hazel Rae - posted on 08/11/2017 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I have been with my husband well not my husband yet we are technically married yet but lately I've been having some serious love issues my man is mentally in a little bit physically disabled and it's been hard caring for him When he has let me down many times and I almost left him but I love him more than anybody we have two beautiful boys together but we haven't been able to make steady income I've tried to work and be what I need to be but when he was left taken care of the house he let me down he never kept it clean and never even keep kids teeth brushed so we switch places he got a job and I stayed home the housetop clean but he lost his job and then he just gave up and then I had to get a job again and the house went back to a nightmare so I didn't know what to do now we're back in that same position where I've quit my job and I love him but it's become hard to live like this I don't have a home I don't have money to buy my children birthday presents this year now I'm wondering that even if I love him should I leave him so that I can give my kids a better future and myself a better future I don't know what to do and I have no one really to talk to my mother doesn't want to talk to me I mean we are friends I love my mother but she hates hearing how my problems and I have a brother but I don't want to burden him because he is my favorite person i'm stuck and afraid I've even almost killed myself in a fit of depression that I'm now taking pills for and I'm slowly getting better with counseling because this is really tearing me apart I've given him another chance to find a job and keep it and not give up but I'm having trouble trusting him and all I really want is a decent home that I can raise my children in the way I've always wanted to my sons going to be five tomorrow and I don't even have a present for him we're going to wait for my second son's birthday to have a party because it's like 10 days after makes me tear up just thinking about it so many problems we have I don't even own my car I it's broken but it can still run so many problems I have debt because of old that insecure funds and insecure lifestyle what I mean by insecure as we've never been a stable family have even had to move in with my parents before we're living in there very extravagant trailer but still very small for a family of four and it's falling to pieces cooler even broke in the living room this is hurt me spiritually I never have time or money or anything to even travel to go see the nature I mean I live in Washington I'm in the desert and I wanted to move and live in Oregon but I can't I'm stuck spiritually I feel very wilted feel like my life is nothing but stress and strife what do I do do I leave the man I have loved for 10 years the only man I've ever loved the only mother man I've ever touched and kiss to be with somebody I don't even know work or just to be alone I can't be alone I I need someone to make up for where I lack and I've tried to be that person for him but I'm not smart enough I'm not skilled I don't I'm not educated enough I have a high school diploma and a few college credits I'm really very slow I'm not the best person either I don't know if anyone would love me I'm become fat from all the stress I was skinny when I started out with him but as the problems came in the depression I just got bigger and bigger and now I feel ugly who would want me what I want anyone else I don't know I don't know if anybody has the answer but I just needed to talk about it somewhere even if it's just to my phone but thank you for anyone who reads this I know it's long I know it's hella long good blessed be and Mary meet and thank the goddess there are other pagans out there

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