monster in law

Nancy - posted on 12/27/2015 ( 19 moms have responded )

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I don't have energy to put up with my manipulative mother in law. She's highly energetic, greedy, cunning, backstabber, and verbally abusive to me. She's a con at twisting lies into chaos. My kids first birthday is coming up and sends like in-laws will want to come over. How do I stop them from coming over? Sisters please throw some good excuses to avoid them. I need at least 7 months away from them to make sure I stay healthy.

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 12/28/2015

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This is BOTH of your problems, not just yours. This is his mother bahaving like this. He also needs to address it. You can not bare all the burden. That isn't fair.

If she dares call your child a name, you tell her never to do it again. Period. You won't tolerate someone calling your children names, especially their own grandmother. She tries to argue or fight it? Get up and leave....no matter where you are, even in your own home. In fact, if it is in your home, tell her to leave (you get the babies and leave) before you leave tell her you don't want her there when you come back. That is totally unacceptable.

Mara - posted on 12/28/2015

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Oh that's really hard! Yea at first my husband wouldn't understand and sum how he came around and saw were I was coming from. See bc he has a mom and aunt adopted them so that's his step mom. And both are in the picture. Well if I were u I wouldn't invite her... if she's being rude and abnoxious.

Mara - posted on 12/28/2015

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I know how u feel I have 2 MIL AND THATS HARD! Bc they either talk about you and ack like they don't! Or their both on the same page of how their son is in buying things for me all the time! They get upset when he buys me what I want. Which I don't care if they get mad or not! Some times their even jelous bc I get new stuff. If u don't like it. Let ur husband know... bc u need to put him in ur shoes so that he can understand.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 12/28/2015

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Naw, it isn't worth playing any games with her. Just taking control of you and how you handle it. I am glad to have helped you. I tend to be too assertive at times, but then I come across people like you that sound like they are being walked all over....It sucks. I really wish you the best. You moving out, she might try to be more controlling since you are no longer under her roof, expect that, but don't encourage it. Just walk away from it.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 12/28/2015

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well it sounds as if you need to stand up for yourself.

What you've indicated here is that you've let your MIL take control.

I do have one comment: You say that she wants to see the grandkids so that she can somehow manipulate you...why would she not just want to see the grandkids because they are her grandkids? Have you ever thought that you may be reading too much into things?

How is this woman not allowing YOU a support system? YOU are the one who decided whom to have in your life, including your support system, so if YOU are cutting out people you are comfortable with, you can't blame that on MIL. If YOU want to see a friend, YOU call them and set a date. If you are not initiating contact, you cannot expect your friends to always be around.

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Nancy - posted on 12/29/2015

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You guys have no idea how relieved I feel now with your good advices. Thanks again, please pray for her to gain some maturity, self control, common sense, and love for others.

Nancy - posted on 12/28/2015

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I told her no once to something she did to my child, boy she went crazy! From stomping her feet to throwing the pots. She denied and after I calmed her down she still went with her fit. DH has no guts to stand up for himself because his mother makes her way around in the blame game that she is innocent, this is what happens when she's confronted. I'm taking your advice to leave the premises when she goes crazy. It's just too much information that I have to consider and sometimes my mind goes blank on point.

Nancy - posted on 12/28/2015

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Yes mara! It's sad but I prefer not to put stress on him. He don't stand up that's the problem.

Nancy - posted on 12/28/2015

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Shawnn - she took over and I didn't stop her at the beginning because I had no idea of what she was doing. As I observed her through out years and through our conversations, this is what I have collected so far, unbiased. I know I let her control me without my knowing because no one pushed me like this in my life.

Yes, it's grand kids too but every visit brings this drama and manipulation. If she loves them, she would not take their presents, she doesn't give them anything on bdays or on important events unless she's told to do so. She's doing good financially. My kids are just infants, if they cry for something non-stop she would call them stupid bluntly. She uses my kids to distract her husband and keep him engaged with her in family matters do he wouldn't look for other trouble for her outside the house, she said he cheated on her many times. When they play with kids they don't feed them unless I feed them.

Support system- at the beginning when we lived close to her, she would call me multiple times a day and through our conversation I would share my plans for the week with her. Let's say friend A invited me for girls hangout only, she knows these people too. So a day before my hangout date, MIL FIL calls me and makes plan at the exact time, out of courtesy I had said yes, this happened few times. Then again, friend B sees me at family dinner and reaches out to me to talk. That evening MIL glued herself to Friend B. friend B and I use to give calls but after that dinner I called her many times but she never picked up. Friend C invited me for baby shower and MIL knows her too, for two whole weeks I heard many bad thing about friend C through MIL and by the end of the week I was so tired of all that gossipi didn't go. When she sees me talking to people she glues herself to them and they don't keep in touch with me, that's how I had no friends, she wasn't letting any room for to go out on our own and make friends, every other day we were pushed to see her. I had been calling A,B,C but nite they don't return my calls. Before I had no guts to say 'no, sorry we already have plans' but now I have started saying no when I should.

I had no problem back then with her controlling behavior until I got pregnant, she started telling me graphic details on how her friend and self had miscarriages. Few days later I was in ER about to have one myself but fortunately it didn't happen and we were blessed with our cute baby. During my bed rest, she robbed me by taking my expensive valuables from my house and pretended that she's taking lots of empty plastic bags, but in those bags I saw my things. I was so stupid that I did not stop her on point.

Nancy - posted on 12/28/2015

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No, we moved out recently. I don't blame her for everything but only for what I cannot handle, I tried to beat her at her game but it's not who I am and my values. I'm taking your good advice and also learning to be assertive around her. Thanks again to little mis can't be wrong

~♥Little Miss - posted on 12/28/2015

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Sorry, that sounded mean. But really she cannot make you do those things, you are choosing to stay and listen. I am sure she enjoys the kids and birthday parties. All the other stuff is just bonus for her. Stop feeding into it. Plan in advance when you will visit. Maybe even do things like go out for dinner, that way everyone leaves and goes there separate way at the end. There are so many ways to change your situation, but nothing is going to change until you stop blaming her for everything, and start taking some responsibility yourself.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 12/28/2015

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Back it up love. No one can MAKE you do anything. You should stop blaming her for everything in your life gone wrong, take control of your life, and move on. Are you living with her?

Nancy - posted on 12/28/2015

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In other words, since we got married, MIL making sure that I don't make my support system. Because of this I had no friends for few years, she wss making sure that we spend our days and nights around her listening to the crap she throws at me.

Nancy - posted on 12/28/2015

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I don't mind seeing them but what would if she's constantly interrupting and getting in our conversations. We are not chatter boxes so it's hard to make excuse around her. What I have seen so far they are not interested in attending birthdays they just want to see who we hangout with so them they can keep in touch with them regularly. They want to be around our kids to get inside information on who, what, why, how. When MIL finds out she manipulates and plans ahead to keep me around for herself to listen, she had tried to create troubles for us in the past. I liked your advice thank you, I will try these options too.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 12/28/2015

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Well, not letting her see her grandkids does not make you the bigger person. My recommendation would be to limit how much personal information you disclose, and go to her house so you have the power to leave. Short visit. Also, talking with your husband, and keep letting him know how this is negatively effecting you. Running away for months will not resolve the issues, and could make matters worse. In laws can be difficult, no doubt. It sounds to me like she has some issues that only she can resolve.

Nancy - posted on 12/27/2015

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MIL knows exactly how I feel and deliberately does these things to just rule my life and restrict happiness. She is alert and somebody who has clue about every second what's happening. I have tried to talk with her twice and it ended up me being unreasonable. She never acknowledges her fault and constantly blame other person. On the other side, I'm clueless most of the time and it's taking toll on my health, I feel tired and low energy all the time now. I made this decision to see her once in at least 7 months since every time she's around I feel dragged and slapped, here is why: My mother-in-law is a very cunning woman, and she has weird personality traits. She is generally very sweet to outsiders and showers them with unnecessary praise. And she never says anything bad to me directly.

My mother-in-law also repeats whatever I say to other people and then pretends as if it what I said was her idea or suggestion, sometimes even when I am present. She seems to like almost anything I wear (as she does with most people) and immediately goes and buys the same thing. While in a way it’s a compliment to me when someone copies or imitates me. She also lies about almost everything and does so very openly. She finishes all my sentences, and even answers questions I direct at my husband, pretending that there is no conversation happening between my husband and I, or tell some strange story to drown either of our voices when we’re trying to engage each other. She also watches me…like someone would watch a TV. She stared at me without blinking her eyes. she will simply stand there and WATCH me. She has stolen my stuff. She snoops around in my house over her visit and tells me stories where she would point out my personal use items which was kept in privacy. She constantly spread lies in family behind my back and interferes in our lives. When we hangout with her she tells us stories about she has no say in household matters and FIL is incharge. She knows DH listens and accepts what he's told and hears. She even talks to me sometimes about if I should work or stay home as if she, DH, I are a couple. Whenever she says “we,” she means she, me, and my husband. She even told me that she herself had the new baby! I agree that my husband has a part to play in this whole thing. But he doesn't, and seems like he doesn't care.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 12/27/2015

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I get that you are having issues with your MIL, have you talked with her about this?? Maybe she doesn't realize how you feel.

It would suck if you didn't let her come to her grand kids b day party. Maybe have it at a venue? Make it easier to avoid and make it just about the kids? Usually those places are used for b days for like 2-3 hours, and are tightly scheduled with activities. That way you don't need to dis-invite, you get to enjoy your kids b day and she doesn't have a chance to be mean to you.

Nancy - posted on 12/27/2015

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My problem is I realize her verbal abuse after topic had changed or day has passed. She fabricate her statements as if she's talking about somebody but leaves enough room of words that relate to me

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