mother child bonding?

Mathangi - posted on 11/24/2011 ( 3 moms have responded )




I am a working women. I have a son who is around 5 years old. He has been with his grandparents all the while.

He is more attached to his grandparents. He listens to me only in their absence. I have my own plans for my child. My husband is as well very attached to his parents. He has made my son also the same talking to his parents all the while. My son wants to sleep with his grandparents in the night. Should I allow this?

I understand that attachment to his grandparents is bound to happen but not at the cost of teasing your mother. It hurts a lot. I do lot many things to my child, but he forgets all of those soon.

I taught him so many things of his interest, computer, video games, colouring etc, but of no use.

Please let me know your opinions


Denikka - posted on 11/24/2011




A child bonds with their primary care-giver. I would say that's totally normal.
But you as a mother should step in and set some boundaries. It's fine for the grandparents to be watching him while you're at work, but once you get home, you should be the primary caregiver. It's not acceptable for him not to listen to you. You need to set down the rules and make him listen. He needs to follow your rules while you are home.
I would not allow him to sleep with the grandparents. That is crossing a line. If he has been in his own room up until now, he needs to stay in his own room. If something's happened and he is now afraid (nightmares or something like that) then perhaps tell him to come to you in the middle of the night if he needs to be comforted.

He's young. He only knows what he's been taught. And it sounds like he's being taught that his grandparents are the ones to look to for direction and for comfort. I think you need to take a more active approach with your son while you are home if you want him to look more towards you than his grandparents.
Good luck :) it's very difficult to feel like your child is bonding more with their caregiver than with you. I wish you the best :)


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Tamara - posted on 11/24/2011




If your son is teasing you, then I would wonder if his grandparents are putting stuff in your sons head about you. That would be the main concern if it were me.

If he is staying with them in there home all week you can't really make rules on how things are run in their home. so the only way to keep him from sleeping with them would be to bring him home at night.

Thats the only thoughts I really have on it. Good luck figuring it all out. My thoughts are with you to come up with a solution for you and your son to spend more time together.

Amy - posted on 11/24/2011




My son is 5 and his grandparents are not his primary caregivers his father and I are, he does go to my MIL almost daily for an hour or two. He is extremely attached to my mother who he sees maybe once a month during the school year for a week at a time. He will have nothing to do with his father and I when she visits and will sleep in the same bed as her, the difference is my son and my mother know that as a parent we get final say in what goes! It's a boundary we established early on and my mom respects that.

I'd be lying if I said it didnt bother us that he prefers to be with his Grammy but I do understand they have a special bond and I would not want to take that away from either of them. If you live with them it's going to be hard to now reestablish boundaries but when you get home from work you should try and do a fun activity with your son everyday, even if it's only a short while. If you can't get him away from your parents take him to the park or somewhere outside the home. Also sit down with your parents and let them know what you expect from them, if they aren't going to go along it may be time to look for your own place. As hard as it is don't take your sons behavior personally its ok your not the favorite your mom and though they don't always show it in the way we want they do love us.

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