Mother In Law

Kimberly - posted on 03/18/2016 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I've been with my husband for 8 years, we've never had a normal relationship since he is an addict. He's been in and out of rehab and jail. So I was extremely close to his parents and loved them more then my own. Once we found out I was pregnant, his mother made my life more difficult. My MIL decided to play games, she tried putting a girl that I did not get along with in college in his life. During my entire pregnancy my husband was in jail and his mom decided to pay for all of there calls and paid for her gas to visit him in jail. Well my pregnant self had no idea until my MIL made sure all my visits and phone calls were with her. While I was talking on my MILs phone to my husband, my MIL got a text message saying "I am going to go visit your son today." I asked my MIL what was going on and she acted like she had no idea and decided to tell her husband I attacked her verbally in her own home. Well I did not, and after that happened she decided to block my number and did not talk to me my entire pregnancy. She would see me at the grocery store and completely act like I did not exist. But she made sure she kept a strong relationship with my enemy in college, she invited her to her house to talk shit about me, went to her house to visit her, and talked to her all the time. While my husband was in jail, my MIL and enemy were putting so many things in his head that he decided to no longer call me. It was the worst feeling in my life. His mom was telling everyone he fell in love with her. Till this day I cant get passed why my MIL would do that to me. Well next story, I had my daughter and my MIL appeared in my life again. My husband got out of jail, we decided to get an apartment together. When my daughter was 5 months, my husband decided to leave to New Mexico to start a new life and go back to his old ways (using drugs). Well his mom told me in my face well I hope my son finds unconditional love and I will help him in anyway and walked away. Then my Father in Law decided to help me since his son was leaving his family hanging. My father in law paid for my last couple months of rent and my MIL decided to give him an ultimatum. She said either you pay her rent and I am divorcing you. My MIL put a restraining order on my FIL and filed for separation. She told my SIL if I go to her house she will call the police on me and wanted nothing to do with my daughter. She even decided to turn off my phone on her sons account and changed his number. Well her son decided to come back home, my MIL decided to stay married to her husband and acted like she did not hurt me in anyway. She would tell me things like send my grand baby my love, it would eat me inside every time. Well things were ok, she would act really fake towards me and acted like she would care. Well now her son is back in jail, I recently did not visit when she asked me to come over so her son can talk to me and they can visit with my daughter. Well since I did not go, she blocked my number. After everything she has done to me, she is going to block my number. This lady has done so many things to me, she wonders why I don't want to visit. The last time I stayed at her house, she decided to alarm her house and got all mine and my daughters stuff delivered to me at the restaurant we were eating at for lunch by her sister. I sent her a text and asked she did not want us in her house. Her reason was I am going through a lot. Then she told my PIL that it was due to her son and I fighting. We were both confused. Then when I bring up what she has done and how shes made me feel, she makes it clear that she has no time for my drama. Please help, I am having a really hard time. I've always gone out of my way for her to see my daughter but she has never made any effort to visit my daughter and only buys her gifts that she does not even need.

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Raye - posted on 03/18/2016

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You should go to court, make sure that you have legal custody of your child, and get a visitation schedule for the father (so during the times he is out of jail in living nearby he knows what days/times he can have access to his child). Then you go about living your life and don't have any communication with the MIL. Communicate with the father only about the child. And leave all the drama behind.

Did the MIL mistreat you? Sure. She sounds like a manipulative, conniving bitch. Was it all her fault? No. The father also let the other woman into his life. And, you kept trying to have a relationship with a loser and letting his mother treat you horrible. So I think there's blame to go around. The most important thing now is to learn from these things. Do better in your life. Create a stable home for your child. And move on.

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Amber - posted on 03/19/2016

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I'm with Raye and Dove on this one. I think you need to get out of this whole situation and start a new life for you and your daughter. With no MIL. There is no point in trying to be with your husband if he doesn't want to get clean. I know you love him and all but you need to think about what's best for your daughter. You don't want her to see daddy high on dope or constantly going to jail. Coming in and out of her life breaking her heart each time. And what's best for you. You should have to deal with all the heart break and stress from all this. You deserve so much better and so does your daughter.

Dove - posted on 03/18/2016

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She sounds like a toxic enabler... I would not have anything to do w/ her anymore and would certainly not expose my children to her. I would also call the relationship w/ her son quits and get a custody/visitation order in place... hopefully w/ his drug and criminal record he would only get supervised visitations unless he can consistently prove he is completely drug free.

Kimberly - posted on 03/18/2016

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In the end, I am not assuming anything and there is more. I didn't write everything from beginning to end but I probably should've before feeling attacked by someone else. Let's also just say when I am around my MIL she tells me she loves me and wishes the best for my little family which I take to heart but it hurts me more because she isn't just straight up with me. She does things passively and I always end up forgiving her. My relationship with my husband has to do a lot with his mother because she's always been the one to save him. Everyone plays a role in addiction but she is his hero. As for my relationship with my husband, we do seek counseling and he now could care less if his mother is in his/our lives but it shouldn't be like this. I feel this way because I crave her love and approval. We were close ones and she just shut me out with no explanation or reason several times. I understand her son and husbands are both addicts but all this hate is not helping the situation. I am not her punching bag. My counselor advised me to keep her cut out of my life but that's hard when you genuinely loved someone and don't have closure to why she has done the things she has done to me. I've tried talking to her about the way she has hurt me but she doesn't care. And when it comes to my daughter it's like she is only concerned about her image. I don't know if you have a child but if you do you know who loves your kiddo. It's like I am forcing a true relationship with my kiddo and myself. Just hard for me.

Kimberly - posted on 03/18/2016

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Shawn. I am not sure why this is pissing you off. But lets clarify somethings. Lets just say after everything that happened my MIL thought the girl and I would never speak. Well we did and became civil. We found out that my MIL was telling her lies saying I was not with her son and was not pregnant with her sons baby. I am not just assuming things, there facts. They actually happened.


As for my MIL taking me off of my husbands phone plan, does not make me a child. I am an adult. She had no reason for even getting on his plan on the first place!

And I did not demand or act bitchy, I asked her if she knew what was going on.

She is an adult and can choose her friends, your right but the passive stuff is not cool anymore. I tried really hard to forgive her and be nice to her after everything she has done but I am her punching bag when her emotions are everywhere. Its not cool. She will tell me sorry for things she has done and cry about it but once there is an opportunity to hurt me she goes for it.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/18/2016

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“My MIL decided to play games, she tried putting a girl that I did not get along with in college in his life”~~is this “girl” that you didn’t get along with an adult? If so, then why are you blaming your MIL for the actions of another adult? It is more likely that this girl has been friends with your man for a long time, and started visiting. It wouldn’t have taken your MIL to interfere…
“During my entire pregnancy my husband was in jail and his mom decided to pay for all of there calls and paid for her gas to visit him in jail”~~Unless you were a mouse on the wall, you cannot determine who did/said what, and what the actual situation was.
“Well my pregnant self had no idea until my MIL made sure all my visits and phone calls were with her.”~~Wait, are YOU not an adult? Why are you using someone else’s phone instead of using your own means of communication?
“While I was talking on my MILs phone to my husband, my MIL got a text message saying "I am going to go visit your son today." I asked my MIL what was going on and she acted like she had no idea and decided to tell her husband I attacked her verbally in her own home”~~Ok, actually, if you got the least bit bitchy, or pissy, and demanded information from her, that could very well have been considered a verbal attack.
“Well I did not, and after that happened she decided to block my number and did not talk to me my entire pregnancy. She would see me at the grocery store and completely act like I did not exist. But she made sure she kept a strong relationship with my enemy in college, she invited her to her house to talk shit about me, went to her house to visit her, and talked to her all the time”~~It is at this point where I point out to everyone that you CANNOT choose another person’s friends and associates. I will also now point out that you actually have no clue WHAT they spoke of, or any topics while they were having visits with each other. Stop assuming things, because that will only get you in more trouble.
“While my husband was in jail, my MIL and enemy were putting so many things in his head that he decided to no longer call me. It was the worst feeling in my life.”~~Again, you’re speaking of another ADULT, who presumably can make decisions. Granted, not GREAT decisions if he’s continuing his illegal drug use, but…an adult, nevertheless.
“Till this day I cant get passed why my MIL would do that to me. Well next story, I had my daughter and my MIL appeared in my life again. My husband got out of jail, we decided to get an apartment together. When my daughter was 5 months, my husband decided to leave to New Mexico to start a new life and go back to his old ways (using drugs). Well his mom told me in my face well I hope my son finds unconditional love and I will help him in anyway and walked away”~~Truly, y’all need counseling. I don’t blame his mom for supporting him, however misguided that may be, but yeah..y’all need counseling.
“Then my Father in Law decided to help me since his son was leaving his family hanging”~~That was nice of him
“My father in law paid for my last couple months of rent and my MIL decided to give him an ultimatum. She said either you pay her rent and I am divorcing you. My MIL put a restraining order on my FIL and filed for separation.”~~MIL’s choice at this point…
“She told my SIL if I go to her house she will call the police on me”~~Well, if SIL doesn’t want to stand up to mom, you can’t force that either.
”wanted nothing to do with my daughter. She even decided to turn off my phone on her sons account and changed his number.”~~sounds like a true viper pit

If you and your husband are going to have a viable relationship, you need to both be in counseling. Is he still clean? Is he sober? Is he working and supporting his family right now? What you need to do is concentrate on YOUR immediate family with your husband. Not the viper pit your MIL wants to run.

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