Chloe_1988 - posted on 01/14/2011 ( 203 moms have responded )
( sorry, it's a long story)
Hi, I am new to the board. I have gone to every friend of mine for advice but I don't really get the best advice since they can't relate.
I have had issues with my MIL for a while but ever since my son was born things has gotten 10 times worst. She could be such a nice lady but when I don't do things her way she becomes such a witch. I guess things wouldn't be so bad if I was more laid back but I am someone who doesn't like people telling them what to do, even if it was a good advice. My parents always taught me to do things on my own without any help. Which is a good way but it is clashing with my new MIL and my husband.
Let me tell you a little about my MIL. Years ago on her fridge she had a picture of me and her son but on top of my head was this rude magnet in top of my head that said "whatever". I obviously did nothing but I thought it was probably me thinking something crazy. 2 years later she told me that her friend came over to ask her who does she hate this week? and she asked why? and her friend said "because you have a magnet on someone's head" She responded is my sister who i hate her. and when she told me this she was laughing and how funny she thought she was. I was in shock because I couldn't believe she is so childish. My husband, boyfriend at the time called me crazy because I mention that to him!
Once my son was born, my in-laws mention to me they wanted a Bris for my son, I had agreed I would do it because religion is very important to me. I am a Catholic but I haven't gone to church since I was 16. Anyway,she was supposed to take care of the event since it was going to be hosted at their place. She didn't invite any of my husbands friend or mine. She actually said to me that my parents didn't have to be there. I thought, oh it must be a rule to only have Jewish people at the event. The day of, I told the nurse who was taking care of my baby and she said it is very important for my parents to be there so I begged my mom to come at the last minute. I was so glad she came. I told my MIL days before the event to keep the gathering small since my son is only 8 days old but when we got there, there were 35-40 people at her place. She had catered food and decoration like if it was her party for her son. I was very upset and mad, not to mention I was going through a very bad depression.
She made me feel like she was taking my son away, as she held him with the rabbi.
After that event, I promised myself I would never let her host anything for my baby. Nowadays things has gotten uglier and nastier. This past Christmas I hosted our yearly get together with my parents, my husband and I at our place, this time with our latest addition to our family so it was really exciting. We exchange gifts and have a great dinner and tons of laughs. My MIL later complains to my husband why they weren't invited to our xmas dinner. My husband agrees with them and told me to be more sensitive about his mother, all she wanted was to see my son open his gifts. She had 2 hanukkah dinners, 1 were they all exchanged gifts and she didn't invite my parents and I think my parents really don't care for dinner parties so they were relieve they didn't have to go but I didn't make a big deal about it neither did my parents. She makes problems for no reason and is really hurting our marriage because all we are doing is fighting.
I have developed a nervous twitch every time my husband mentions his mom or I get hives! I can't even eat every time my husband and I have a discussion about her. She demands to see my baby on a weekly basis but I have to go around her schedule b/c she is a super social butterfly who doesn't work. I told her I am sorry but you must go with my last minute schedule because that's how I do things. She got very offended and left our place kissing her son goodbye and forgetting to say good bye to me. She has done that every time she comes in our place lately. She kisses her son and forgets to say hello to me or even acknowledge me. All she does when she is over is plays with my son. I told my husband if she can't say hi, not to come over because I won't have that behavior in front of my son. I am afraid that she talks so bad about me to whoever she is with around my son when she is babysitting him.
As a new mom, I really don't know what to do about this issue. I have come out with a solution to rather pay a day care for my son the days I work, rather than have her watch him. I really don't like agree with her behavior and wouldn't want my son picking up any of her bad habits. My question is, am being unfair?
I have cried to my husband many times because I can't handle this problem anymore. I have even considered leaving my husband because he really doesn't support me and he thinks more of his mother's well being than mine. Which is understandable, is his mother after all but I am also his wife. We are considering professional counseling soon but first wanted to hear if professional counseling has helped others. Thank you to whoever read this and I am sorry for the typos!